


we are as fragile as the glass we walk upon

by Cygrus



Category: Free!
Genre: Artist AU, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-08-31
Packaged: 2018-03-15 11:33:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 69,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3445598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cygrus/pseuds/Cygrus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A tiny stone, a promise of strength, an unbelievable warmth that Haruka thought he had lost. His sun had stopped shining long ago, but he doesn't realize that if he just <em>looks</em>, the clouds blurring his vision will part again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Tiny footprints littered the shore where the waves met the sand, but were gone within seconds, washed away as if they had never existed. Giggles accompanied those small as pebbles imprints, the voices of children floating out into the open air as they bounced around, enjoying themselves without a care in the world. 

One boy, a boy with long hair, shimmering eyes, and a radiant smile that could warm even the iciest heart, laughed the loudest out of all of them, the noise bubbling up from his tummy as he sprinted across the sand with arms out at his sides.

“Nanase!” His voice rang out over the sounds of the ocean as he raced up to another young boy, one who stood watching the waves with a serene expression. “ _Nanase!_ ”

“You’re loud,” Haruka muttered, nearly losing his balance as Rin’s arms flew around his shoulders, the younger boy practically hanging off of him. Scoffing, Haruka tried to shrug him off. “Guess that’s how young people are, nowadays…”

“ _Huh?_ ” A pout appeared on Rin’s lips as he stepped back, arms crossing over his chest as he tapped his foot and glared straight at Haruka. “What’s _that_ supposed to mean? Just because you turned five first doesn’t mean _anything!_ ”

“I’m older, so I’m right--”

“No way!”

They were young and naive. For all the time they had known each other, they were prone to trivial spats. Their arguments hardly ever lasted longer than ten minutes, though, ending in Haruka sitting beside a sniffling Rin and wiping his tears, telling the boy that his crying was ugly and annoying. He would never, ever admit to hating the sound of the other boy’s sobs. His pride would be shattered.

After huffing and puffing at each other, Rin turned on his heel and made his leave, his stride soon turning into a sprint as he hurried down the coast of the beach. Haruka only watched him from a distance, taking a seat in the sand after giving a quick glance back to their families. The adults all sat together under umbrellas, holding pleasant conversations with one another. 

If it hadn’t been for the fact that Makoto was all curled up in his mother’s lap, fast asleep, Haruka would have gone to him so they could entertain themselves.

...Whatever. Haruka had more fun playing alone, anyways. 

Burying his fingers into the sand, the water lapped at his skin and he smiled, feeling soothed to the core. The water was really pretty... He remembered Rin saying something about his dad being out at sea that day, and how he hoped that the fisherman would return soon. 

“Nanase!” 

Ah, he was back.

At first, Haruka didn’t give Rin his attention, the smile he wore fading as he tried to ignore the boy that shouted his name. 

“ _Nanase!_ ”

It was obviously no use, though. He turned his head to Rin, not pleased with how the other boy was interrupting his quiet time with the water. His irritation instantly faded, however, when he saw just how ecstatic Rin seemed to be, jumping in his spot with arms flailing about.

“...What?”

“Nanase! Come here! Follow me! _Hurry!_ ”

He didn’t have time to protest whatever it was that Rin wanted him for, because Rin grabbed for his wrist and hoisted him up, dragged him for a few minutes before their families were just specks on the horizon behind them. That sent a little shiver up his spine, knowing good and well that they would be scolded for wandering off later.

Ready to tell Rin that, he stopped when his wrist was let go of and Rin was pointing down at their feet.

Following Rin’s finger, Haruka’s heart fluttered with pure wonder. Below them, nestled in the grains of sand, were glimmering blue and green stones of some sort. A few pieces looked like glass, and Rin bent down to pick one up, holding it up to his eye to peer at the ocean through it.

“Nanase, what are these?”

“...I don’t know.”

“Huh? But you’re _older_ , so you should _know_.”

Haruka grunted at the very obvious teasing, ignored Rin’s smug grin, and grabbed a stone for himself. It was a green one; he rolled it over in his palm a few times with a growing smile. How pretty, he thought. Didn’t he have paint that was this color? A little spark of hope nestled in his chest.

“Nanase, there’s more!” Rin was bouncing with excitement at this point, rolling up the hem of his shirt to where it had formed a little carrying pouch. He placed the first stone in there and motioned for Haruka to do the same as him. “It’s like… We can be kangaroos, Nanase!”

“...Kangaroos…” 

To get his point across, Rin hopped about, giggling as he went to gather more.

...What did Rin take him to be…? A four year old like him? No, he was five now-- His maturity level had increased. 

...Still, the way that Rin would lean over to pick the stones up, his tongue peeking out from between his lips, seemed fun…

Well, Haruka could afford to act like a child again for just one more day. Copying what Rin had done, minus the hopping, Haruka made a pouch for himself, wearing a bitesized smile. 

The entire area seemed to be covered with the pretty stones that reminded Haruka of his mother’s jewelry. When the sun shone down on the beach, they were easier to spot, little glints catching their eyes here and there. Rin would run for them, making it out to be a race to see who could gather the most in the shortest amount of time. 

It didn’t take long for their shirt pouches to become full and heavy with the stones, seeing as how the two boys picked up every single one they found. Rin stared down at his newfound collection with his eyes shining, lips parted in wonder. “Nanase, Nanase, let’s come here again and get more.”

“...Yeah.”

“What?” Turning his gaze back to Haruka, Rin beamed, larger than Haruka had ever seen his smile before. “ _Really?_ You’ll do this with me again?!”

Haruka’s cheeks heated up and he avoided Rin’s eyes, fidgeting in his spot. It had been fun, collecting these stones with Rin... If they were given the chance, he’d gladly do it again. (Not for _Rin’s_ sake, of course. Only his own.) 

Telling himself that, he gave Rin a curt nod as he turned on his heel and began to march away. He heard Rin laugh from behind him, and soon, they were side by side. 

On the trek back to their families, Rin would pause every so often to readjust his shirt before he was ready to go again. Haruka waited for him each time, sometimes copied him, and they would be right back to walking. Haruka’s legs were longer than Rin’s, and his stride was too, so more than often he would slow down so Rin could catch up. 

Despite his best efforts, Rin did fall behind Haruka at some point, making Haruka look back to see if he was alright. His chin was pointed up, his gaze directed at the sky above them. Looking up as well, Haruka found himself staring at darkening clouds that gathered together. The temperature was dropping steadily. 

“Rain...?” he mumbled, making Rin sigh.

“Aw… I wanted to stay here longer.” Digging his toes into the sand, Rin pouted before moving closer to Haruka, their shoulders touching. Haruka had half the mind to step away, but he remained still. “Nanase, why does it rain?”

...How would Haruka know that? Grunting, he shrugged, feeling a drop of water hit the top of his head. “I don’t know. Ask your mom.”

“But I wanted _you_ to answer!”

“I can’t.”

Rin finally fell silent and turned his body away from Haruka, staring out over the waves that grew harsher as the wind began to pick up. He looked as if he had something to say, but was staying quiet for some reason.

That wasn’t like him, though. Before Haruka could point it out, Rin spoke, cutting him off.

“Nanase, will you _really_ come here with me again? To help me find more stones?”

Rin had already gotten an answer for that before, so Haruka tilted his head, a tad bit baffled.

“...Yeah.”

“Even if it rains?”

Pursing his lips, Haruka hesitated before speaking again. “Yeah.”

“ _Really_ really?”

“ _Yes_.” Stop asking already. 

“...Then promise me!” 

The raindrops were becoming more frequent, larger, and Haruka began to shiver from the cold breezes that brushed past his bare legs and arms. He just wanted to get back to his mom and dad, go home… Maybe color for a little while before taking a nap.

But no. Instead, he was making promises that they’d probably forget about in a week’s time.

“...I promise.”

“Doesn’t sound real enough.” 

“It’s _raining_ \--”

“Make a better promise!”

Why was Rin so _aggravating_. Clicking his tongue, Haruka tried to say he promised again, but Rin waved that one off, too. Their parents were probably beyond worried by now. 

Glaring down at his feet, Haruka’s eyes met the stones that lay in his shirt pouch. Most of the stones they had found had been either green, blue, or white, but Haruka had been lucky enough to find a single pink one. It reminded him of a cherry blossom tree’s petals. He knew that Rin loved the trees… 

“ _Dad says him and Mom met at a viewing! Romantic, right?_ ” 

Haruka couldn’t remember when Rin had told him that, nor why he had been so eager over telling it. Haruka didn’t care to ask. 

Clasping the pink stone, Haruka hesitated before he held it out to Rin. Tilting his head to the side, Rin held out his palm, waiting.

“I promise,” Haruka muttered, shoving the stone into Rin’s hand. “So let’s go back. We can come here again.” 

Rin let the stone roll around in his palm for a few moments, eyes wide. It was only seconds later that he was wearing a huge grin and lunging forward, all of the stones he had been holding falling to the ground as he wrapped his arms around Haruka’s neck.

“Nanase! Nanase!”

The force of Rin’s embrace caused all of Haruka’s stones to join Rin’s forgotten ones, and he reluctantly hugged back, pouting against Rin’s shoulder. Really, what was his deal...

“You’re loud, Rin--”

“ _Rin?!_ ” Pulling back from Haruka, the boy was nearly in tears. “You’ve never called me that! Haru!”

“ _Stop shouting…!_ ”

“Is this our promise?!” Putting the stone back in Haruka’s hand and clasping his own hand around it, Rin bounced in his spot, waiting for an answer. “Like a ring!”

“...A ring?”

“Like the one our parents wear on their fingers--”

“It’s _not_ a ring.” Haruka knew _too_ well what those stood for, and he was not ready for that kind of commitment. 

“Oh... But it’s _like_ a ring.” 

“Rin--”

“It definitely is! Haru, you gave me something _like_ a ring!”

“No I didn’t!”

“You _did!_ ”

Taking the stone away from Haruka again, Rin held it close to his chest, grinning from ear to ear. Haruka felt himself bristle up. Whether it was out of embarrassment or agitation, he wasn’t sure. 

But… Rin looked really happy… 

Well, as long as he wasn’t crying.

“Pick your stones up,” Haruka mumbled, kneeling down to gather his own, watching as the waves washed a few away. Rin’s hand was over his just a moment later, a warm presence. 

“Leave ‘em. You promised that we’ll come back, so we’ll just get more then!”

“But--”

“Besides, I already have my _favorite_ one right here!” He held the pink stone up to Haruka’s eyes, as if he were showing it off. 

Despite the cold winds, Haruka felt his entire body warm up at the comment, his heart racing as Rin giggled.

...What a weirdo.

It was pouring by the time they made it back to their parents, who weakly scolded the two boys about how long they had been gone. They cared more about not getting soaked to the bone, though, and hurried to find an overhang of some sort. 

Rin fidgeted next to Haruka, holding his mother’s hand and admiring the stone. Haruka watched him from the corner of his eye, lower lip jutted out. It wasn’t anything that special, and it definitely wasn’t a ring. It was just a promise. Nothing more.

When they had all parted ways, Haruka heard Rin’s mother say something about how his dad would probably be getting home soon, since the weather was taking a turn for the worse. Rin had cheered at that, making his little sister cheer along with him, and Haruka could remember how Rin had told him that his father was the one who taught him to not be afraid of storms. 

That night, Haruka listened to the thunder rumble overhead as he moved his paint brush against the white paper his parents gave him. He used blues and greens, and eventually moved to pink, his chest tightening when he remembered his and Rin’s tiny promise, that small little stone that was probably laying on a bedside table. 

...It had been a lot of fun. 

Haruka liked the way Rin had smiled. Had smiled at _him_.

The memory made him lay his head against the picture he made, not even noticing the wet paint that stuck to his forehead. That smile had been absolutely _radiant_ … He wanted to see more of it… Much more, actually. 

The next morning, Haruka woke to gentle shakes, his mother’s hand on his shoulder. His parents sat at his bedside, but remained quiet. As he sat up, he stayed quiet too, hands curling into fists against his thighs. Both adults wore grave expressions. He easily noticed how puffy his mother’s eyes were, and how tired his father seemed, judging from the dark circles under his eyes. 

“Haruka,” his father started, reaching over to smooth a few strands of Haruka’s hair down, “You’re a strong boy. So you’ll have to be strong for Rin, too. Alright?”

Not knowing what to feel or think, Haruka pursed his lips as a quiet panic set in. What was wrong with Rin? Had something happened to him? Was he alright? 

Questions like that flooded his mind and shook him to the core until his father was speaking again.

“His father was in an accident. We’ll be going to his funeral next week.”

\--

In the time they had known each other, Haruka had come to learn that Rin was someone who was very in tune with himself, his emotions. He was a boy who followed his heart without question and let it pave his path. He wouldn’t know where it would lead, and Haruka thought it reckless.

_Especially_ when it lead to nothing but tears. Rin was a child through and through, truly. He would cry at even the smallest things, going between scraped knees, a missing sock, a broken toy… A complete opposite from what Haruka was.

Even at the age of five, Haruka would shed no tears. He knew it was only trouble for others, and that was the last thing he wanted to be; a burden. So he would keep his feelings encased in a heart of glass, never allowing it to even crack. He believed that, if he weren’t careful, the smallest flaw could lead to a massive downfall.

Haruka thought he had a good hold on his feelings. He really, truly did. But on that grim day, a day where his sun didn’t shine, he wasn’t sure what kind of reaction he was meant to have. All he could do was stay quiet in the silent room, not trouble others.

No, he couldn’t do that one bit. Whatever he felt… He knew it was irrelevant, compared to how Rin was surely feeling. While his father was gone and never to return, Haruka had the comfort of his own father right next to him. A man who was living, breathing…

Rin was a child, and children were supposed to cry. 

...And yet, his cheeks were dry. No tears rolled down them, no lips trembled. Instead, all Haruka could see was a boy with dull eyes, the light having left them. He was a shell who held onto his trembling mother’s hand, while his other hand combed through his confused little sister’s hair. 

Haruka was a child, too. He didn’t want to accept it, but as his throat tightened and tears sprung to the corners of his eyes, he would have to. The unsettling feeling that lay in his chest screamed at him, screamed at Rin. 

_Why aren’t you crying?_

_Aren’t you sad? You’re upset, right?_

_Don’t try to act stronger than you are!_

His thoughts didn’t reach the other boy. 

...Of course they wouldn’t.

After the ceremony, Haruka found himself wanting to go to Rin. He wanted to hug him, and he wanted to say, _“It’s okay to cry now.”_ But he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t even budge from his spot, only having the strength to grasp his mother’s hand and hold in the tears that threatened to spill over. 

He remembered his father’s words. _“You have to be strong for Rin.”_ So when Rin glanced in his direction, Haruka smiled, no matter how difficult it was, and gently waved to his friend. The surprise in Rin’s eyes was apparent, but somehow, he managed to return the smile, the wave, but both were as weak as Haruka felt. 

After dinner that night, Haruka didn’t touch his paints, didn’t even glance in their direction. He had no inspiration, and how could he? 

Instead, all he could manage to do was curl up on his bed with the sheets covering his head. He lay there in silence, the clock on his wall ticking by, it being the only noise filling the room. A sharp pain passed through his chest once, and then once more. 

One sob passed through his lips, no matter how he tried to suppress it. From there, more came, and he was a whimpering mess moments later, his fingers curling into the pillow as he wailed into it. 

He knew he was supposed to be strong. He knew he didn’t want to be a child. But there was no way he could be strong for someone like Rin, who already had all the strength he needed in himself.

He wasn’t like Rin. While Rin was facing his troubles with his head held high, Haruka was just a trembling, weak little boy who could never hope to be on Rin’s level. 

Thoughts like that plagued his mind as he tried to fall asleep, but it was of no use. He could only lay there with a headache and stinging eyes, curled up into a ball. He lost track of time, his mind wandering to other places.

...It was like children to change their mind easily. Haruka didn’t think he was childlike, not at all. He thought that coming to a sound decision was very mature of him. 

He knew too well that Rin _wasn’t_ strong. The Rin he had seen that day was someone totally different, someone Haruka didn’t know. Under a guise of strength was a scared boy who wanted comfort, just as he always had. _That_ boy was the one Haruka desperately wanted to see again.

A boy who was full of energy and put off a warmth that was hard to find in people. No matter what, Haruka wanted to see Rin smile again, as purely as he always had before. 

Haruka knew that… He knew that, unlike Rin, he wasn’t a warm person. He couldn’t easily offer hugs, and he couldn’t speak kind words that gave comfort to others. Though he had tried in the past, it was easy for a child like him to realize that he was just a little different from everyone else. 

Giving Rin that solace that he needed wouldn’t be a simple task. It required patience and hard work, and there was only one thing that Haruka could think of to do. Something that only _he_ could do.

When the tears ceased, Haruka dragged himself away from his bed, a new sense of determination settled in him. Grabbing his paints and a blank sheet of paper, he sat himself down and worked as hard as he could, wanting to create something beautiful for Rin. Something that would show the grieving boy that Haruka was strong… He wanted Rin to know that he would be strong for him, too. 

For an hour and a half, he used pink colors to paint out a picture of a cherry blossom tree, remembering Rin’s love for them. Once he was proud of what he had made, he set it out and wiped his forehead, the corners of his lips turned up in a smile. Leaving it to dry, he returned to his bed and burrowed himself under the sheets, heart fluttering. 

Everything would be fine after Haruka gave Rin that picture. Rin would wear his usual smile, but it would be brighter this time, happier. And then, Haruka would take him back to the beach, and they would gather more stones together. Haruka would be the one to hug Rin this time and tell him to cry, and Rin would, because he’s weak, and Haruka is strong.

A week passed and all of Haruka’s dreams were of visions like that. Each morning, when he woke up, he asked his mother about Rin, when he would be able to see the boy again. All she told him was that Rin needed time, needed space. 

\--

For Haruka, that space was much too large. When a month had passed with no word from Rin, Haruka was beginning to get fed up. After Rin had shoved his way into Haruka’s life, forced himself to become a constant in it… He was suddenly just gone? It was too weird. 

Later, his parents were sitting him down, wearing gentle smiles that Haruka knew were just there to offer him comfort. From them, he learned that the Matsuoka’s had moved out of Iwatobi, going to Hokkaido to live with Rin’s grandmother. 

They hadn’t been given a new number, nor an address. Asking the Tachibana’s came up with no new information either. Haruka stood holding Makoto’s hand as their parents talked about the situation, and he heard Makoto sniffle a few times, just as upset about Rin’s absence as he was.

When the adults finished, it was decided that the Matsuokas had left without a single word to anyone. No one blamed them for that; they had been put in a difficult situation. It was only natural they make the best decision. But Haruka was different. He didn’t want to let it slide so easily.

For that, he thought himself childish. 

But he just couldn’t understand, and he knew he was angry about it. Who did Rin think he was, just up and leaving like that without even saying goodbye? What about the picture Haruka had painted so earnestly for him? To show Rin that he was strong?

...What about their promise? That tiny pink stone? 

And why… _Why_ wasn’t Rin there to dry the tears that wouldn’t stop falling? Countless times in the past, Haruka done that for him, made sure he was happy and smiling, his cheeks rosy with glee rather than wet with tears. 

It had been a long, long time since Haruka had felt alone in the world. With Rin or Makoto always at his side, he always had someone. 

Through his sobs, Haruka held his pillow close, buried his face into the soft fabric. The realization had hit him too hard. The realization that he wasn’t a strong person. He never had been.

Truly, he was just as weak as Rin, a sun who had lost its shine. 

\--

Years passed, and in that time, Rin grew to be a fleeting memory for Haruka. Some days, he didn’t cross Haruka’s mind once, but others, he was filled with an image of a boy who shone beautifully. 

It was aggravating. If he could have had it his way, he would have forgotten about Rin completely. That way, it wouldn’t hurt anymore, and he’d be done with it. But there was always something that came up that reminded Haruka of him.

Spring would come, the cherry blossom trees would bloom, and Rin would be in his mind. He’d pass a toy store and see a little model police car sitting in the window, and he’d remember how Rin had always said he wanted to be a cop someday. 

What was the most irritating was when Makoto would bring up Rin’s name. Whether it was a conversation about their old friend, or just a passing thought, Makoto always mentioned how he missed Rin. 

Haruka thought, _“If only I could wipe our memories of him. Then it would be okay.”_

At the same time, Rin was someone he never wanted to forget. There was no way he ever could. 

Even painting, something he once used as an outlet, a way to express his feelings, became something dull to him. Each time he would touch a brush, he would remember how he felt on the day he had learned about Rin leaving. 

He could remember the way he had stormed into his room and grabbed the painting of the cherry blossom tree, crumpled it between shaking hands until it got to the point where it was unrecognizable. He hadn’t even given it a second thought as he tossed it into the trash bin, wanting to be done with it completely, wanting to be done with Rin.

It was only mere hours later that he had realized his mistake. Digging through the mess, he grabbed the paper out, his heart pounding in a panic as he bit down on his lower lip. He tried everything he could to fix it, but he could hardly see what he was doing through the tears that clouded his vision.

He hadn’t meant to ruin it. He didn’t want to lose this, too. Nothing worked, though. There was only so many times his small hand could try and smooth the paper out. The wrinkles were too deep, the rips too large. 

Pulling his knees up to his chest, he sat there for a while, staring at it with trembling shoulders. He didn’t hear when his parents came in, and nearly flinched when his mother put her arms around him, rocking him back and forth like he was an infant again.

He had desperately clung to her that day, soaking her shirt as he weeped into the fabric of it. He didn’t want to appear like that before them, but he felt he had no choice. After he had let it all out, he berated himself. No matter what, he didn’t want to burden them. He had no right to. 

After that, Haruka tucked his paints away in the back of his closet, fully content with never having to see them again. A year passed like that, him not daring to acknowledge them, ignoring questions about his art. He had lost his inspiration. Even if he wanted to pick it back up, he felt that there was absolutely no way he could paint something like Rin’s ruined gift again. 

Soon, though, he found it wasn’t that easy. His parents, his teachers, even Makoto… All of them had nagged him enough until he reached a breaking point. He would paint again, sure, if it meant they would get off his case about it. 

The brush felt foreign to his hand. The strokes were too long, too short-- He was only a child. He had time to improve, they said. Haruka couldn’t count the number of times he had heard _“Practice makes perfect!”_ as a form of encouragement. 

Their words didn’t feel like ones to spur him on, though. All he could hear was _perfect_ , something he could never hope to achieve. In the first place, he didn’t even want to. There was no point in being perfect if it wasn’t for yourself. He had no desire to better himself. 

He said none of that out loud. Instead, he continued to accept praise from adults and from his classmates. Often, they would say something about how jealous they were over his talent, and how he surely had a great future ahead of him if he kept improving. 

With little effort, he did just that. He covered canvases with intricate details, entered them into competitions, and won awards. By the time he was sixteen, he had already been critiqued by those much older than him, and it became routine. 

_“Don’t you think it’s dull? Nanase’s illustration?_

_“Too bleak. Is he just an unhappy person?”_

_“Quite frankly, it’s boring.”_

Haruka wanted desperately to ignore their harsh words. He wanted them to not mean anything to him, so he would pretend and block the noise out, and continue to do as he pleased. Never touching his warm paints, he’d only use cool colors, dipping the bristles of his brush into the blue and greens, the blacks and greys, until those paints had run dry and he’d be on his way to get more. 

He didn’t hate the warm colors. There was just no need for them, he felt. Not yet, at least. In his heart, there was a tiny hope that maybe someday, he’d find the same warmth that a certain beaming boy in his memories had possessed. That when he found it, he’d use the warm colors again, and he would make something beautiful.

Any time he had that thought, though, it would disappear in an instant. The last time he had seen that boy… He had been bleak and dull, just like Haruka’s paintings. A boy who was hidden behind a stone mask of strength.

It was too often that Haruka caught himself wondering how Rin was doing since they had been apart. Was he still putting up a strong front? Had he actually grown to be a strong person?  
Thinking that, Haruka’s stomach would twist. If Rin was a different person now, then that was good for him. If he were strong...

If Rin were strong, him and Haruka would be complete opposites. Haruka hadn’t changed one bit. 

He would lie to people, deny that cruel comments hurt him. He would say that he was comfortable with how he did things, and in turn, he began to actually believe it. Because of that, he failed to venture out of the glass case he had built around himself, always fixing a new crack with a new lie, telling himself that he was fine. 

That wasn’t true, obviously. But he had just forgotten how to care. 

Weak. He was still weak, and that had never changed, and it never would. He’d continue to be as weak as the day of the funeral, the night he destroyed his last shred of strength and cried himself to sleep, and as weak as the day Rin had left his life and took all the colors in it with him.

\--

When Haruka graduated from his high school, he parted ways with his underclassmen friends and went to continue his life in Tokyo, attending university as an art student. Through the help of his parents, he was able to get an apartment of his own, and eventually found a job at a dry cleaners that would help him pay his rent. 

Makoto had joined him in the move, which he was silently thankful for. It was more comforting knowing that his friend would still be near him, even though the scenery around them had changed dramatically. Their apartments only had a train ride between them, and for Haruka, that was enough.

His paintings remained the same as they always did. Not a hint of warmth came from them, only dark colors mixing and melding together. Night sky sceneries, or pictures of rainy days, those were all that Haruka seemed to be able to produce.

His art professor took notice and didn’t immediately ask questions about it, but when all of Haruka’s works had the same idea to them, the same emotions, she found herself growing worried about it. 

“You never touch the warm colors,” she said, a hint of concern in her tone. Sitting across from her, Haruka could only shrug, and didn’t even try to make eye contact. He’d heard it all before, and he would just answer as he always did.

“I don’t like them.” 

“Is there a reason for that?”

“Not really.” 

Haruka was like an unbreakable wall to most people. After getting a few tips from the teacher that he didn’t need, he went on his way, seating himself at a bench on the campus. For a while, he sat there and sketched. The architecture of the university buildings filled his pages, and a few figure drawings joined them. But that was it. Just black scribbles against the white page.

In Haruka’s eyes, it was just ugly. 

Ugly and weak. 

\--

His graduation from university came, and even after that, he remained in Tokyo. Despite his parents offering him the chance to come home and stay, he declined the request, stating that he would be fine. He was an adult, after all. Adults weren’t supposed to burden their parents.

Taking on a job as an assistant for his former art professor, Haruka spent most of his time at the campus, becoming something like a teacher to the students still there. His professor said they admired him, but he couldn’t really tell. All he did was give tips here and there that he couldn’t even execute himself. 

Alongside that, he had managed to keep his job at the dry cleaners as the years went by. He had been told that he was very thorough in his work, and that their customers never had complaints when he was the one helping them. A hint of pride settled in his heart at that, but it wasn’t like dry cleaning was a passion for him. 

_“Painting is your passion, right?”_

Many asked him that, but he could never give a straight answer. It really wasn’t. Not anymore.

The only thing that had really changed in his life was that, as his years in university went by, the art exhibits grew to be a bore. Soon, he had stopped altogether. He continued to paint as he pleased instead, more content with that than just doing it for award money.

Besides, there was no critique he hadn’t heard before. Listening to the same thing over and over again had grown dull, and there wasn’t a point to it. 

That was fine with him, though. He wouldn’t complain, because really, life was treating him well. Days passed, and he got by just fine. It was a simple way to go about things, and there wasn’t much excitement, but he was content with his choices, he supposed. 

He said that, but no one really listened that well. 

“Yokohama?” 

When they had come of age, him and his friends had decided on a regular drinking spot, and frequently visited the bar. Glass in hand, Haruka sipped at it, pointedly staring at Kisumi as he waited for the other to continue. 

Makoto had been the one to introduce them to each other, and a few years had passed since then. According to Makoto, they had met at their shared university’s library, but Haruka had never even asked. He could remember giving a light greeting to Kisumi, and despite not knowing each other, Kisumi immediately took to him. More than often, he’d shower Haruka with words of praise and encouragement, then follow them up with a light teasing that Haruka usually just ignored.

“That’s right!” Kisumi chirped, swirling his drink around with a toothy grin. “Haru, you should definitely enter! I bet you could win in a heartbeat with those watercolors you do.”

“He’s right,” Makoto piped in, turning on his stool to face Haruka. “You haven’t done an exhibit in so long, Haru.”

“So what?” he muttered, avoiding their eyes to watch a few drops of water slide down his glass. “I don’t really care about them.”

There was a sudden weight on his shoulders as Kisumi grabbed them, and he was forcefully turned to meet the man’s eyes. “Haru, don’t be like that! Don’t you enjoy winning?” 

“I don’t--”

“Okay, forget about winning. At least enter?” 

The hope in Kisumi’s eyes was evident, but Haruka wasn’t going to sway. “No.”

After pursing his lips and groaning out, Kisumi leaned against the counter, totally defeated. “Makoto, comfort me~. Haru is way too strong willed~. I’ll never win against him~.”

Haruka didn’t respond and instead took a long gulp from his glass, ignoring Makoto’s laugh as he threaded his fingers through Kisumi’s hair. He had said time and time again that art exhibits just didn’t do it for him anymore. He couldn’t even remember if he had enjoyed them as a kid or not. 

“Why do you want Haru to enter this one so badly?” Makoto’s question prompted Kisumi to sit back up, turning his attention completely away from Haruka, which he could only be thankful for.

“Ah, well. I just always loved Haru’s artwork, so--”

“That’s not the reason,” Haruka muttered. 

“You’re too witty, Haru,” he laughed, sipping his drink and clearing his throat before continuing. “But this time, I speak only the truth~. I have a few other friends in Yokohama who are entering this one, so I thought it would be really cool if you did the same.”

“It’s still a no.”

“I thought so~.” 

After the final rejection, Kisumi switched back to Makoto. Haruka hadn’t meant to become so bristled at the topic, but it was something he couldn’t help, and was silently glad that they had seemed to agree to just leave him be about it. 

He really should have known that it wasn’t the end of it, though. The next time they got together, Kisumi was asking him again, hoping Haruka had changed his mind. He even went as far as to offer to buy them a round of drinks, but the answer remained the same. A solid no. 

On the walk back to the station, Makoto spoke up. “Haru, lately… You haven’t been very inspired, right?”

Only giving Makoto a glance, Haruka shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, pursing his lips. Having Kisumi on his case was enough, so to have Makoto join in… It was hard, having such persistent people in his life. 

Makoto wasn’t wrong, though. There had been no inspiration, and unlike other artists, Haruka had no desire to find it. He couldn’t tell Makoto that. Maybe his friend already knew. 

“So what?”

“Why don’t you at least _go_ with Kisumi? You might get some ideas.” 

“Why don’t _you_ go?” 

“ _I’m_ not the aspiring artist here.” 

...That was point enough, really. Looking to Makoto with brows raised, his heart jumped when the man smiled at him, and he had to look away with a grimace. Throughout all their years, it had always been hard to say no to Makoto. To think, even as an adult, he would still be falling to the same ploy…

He didn’t give Makoto an answer at first, but as they parted ways at the station, he said that he would give it some thought. The look of relief that Makoto gave him put a sense of guilt on his shoulders. He hadn’t thought that Makoto had been… That he had been _worrying_ about him, about this situation. 

As soon as he was inside his apartment, he pulled out his phone from his pocket and flipped through the names until he landed on Kisumi’s. He didn’t think it would do much, but… He supposed it was worth a try.

Dialing for him, Haruka raised the phone to his ear, ready to give Kisumi his answer.

\--

It wasn’t often that Haruka traveled outside of Tokyo. It was usually only to visit his parents or his friends back in Iwatobi, and it was definitely _never_ to go to an exhibit he didn’t even enter. He was just glad that the train ride was short, only around an hour. Throughout the ride, Kisumi chattered on and on, which Haruka usually found aggravating, but his words made the trip seem to go by faster. He was glad for that much.

The winter winds were chilly and made Haruka wish that he had dressed warmer for the occasion, but figured it didn’t really matter. They’d be inside soon enough, but really, he despised the cold. Shoving his hands into his pockets after wrapping his scarf tighter around his neck, he trailed after Kisumi, silently admiring the city around them.

“I’m still so surprised you agreed, Haru. Did Makoto have to convince you~?” 

Haruka huffed at Kisumi’s words, tempted to pull away from the arm that slid around his shoulders. “I decided on my own. I still don’t understand why you wanted me to come, though.”

Humming, Kisumi smiled down at him, eyes softer than usual. “Because I love your art, and I’d like to see you in exhibits someday. If you could get inspired, I think that’d be great.”

He wanted to be flattered, but all he could think was that his friends were trying too hard for his sake when they didn’t need to. His inspiration was gone, and he doubted it would return at this point. It was like a wilting flower at its breaking point.

“...Thank you, but--”

“Don’t say but, Haru! We’re in a new city, you know. Your options are wide open, right now! Our futures aren’t set in stone--”

“Since when were you a poet.”

Haruka felt Kisumi slump against him and mumble something about him being so cold, and he had to snort, patting the other’s back. Times like these weren’t so awful. 

Before long, they had arrived at the building and Haruka’s cheeks were completely frozen. It was warm inside and he breathed out, standing still for a few moments as his body happily adjusted. Kisumi was already raring to go, removing his coat and grabbing for Haruka’s wrist a moment later. Haruka pulled back and told him to go on ahead, saying that he should meet up with his friends.

After a little more convincing, Kisumi finally left Haruka on his own, giving him the freedom to wander the building and go into different rooms to admire the various pieces of art that had been brought to the exhibit. There were many different kinds of works, from paintings to pottery and so on. Some looked professionally done, while others were at amateur level. 

At one point, he stopped to admire the watercolor paintings, one in particular catching his interest. A scenery of a pond with vibrant flowers growing around its edges was on the canvas, the colors bright, mixing together perfectly. The thought came to his mind that, if he were to stare long enough, the image would begin moving. 

To put it in one word, he found it to be positively breathtaking. 

It was nothing like his own works, which were so often described as bleak, lifeless… Dull. Those words had been spoken too many times before, often in hushed voices from critics, from his classmates… As he recounted them all, his stomach began to sink, and he had to swallow down a lump that formed in his throat.

As he went between the rooms, what little confidence he had shattered at each new wall of paintings his eyes fell on. His admiration had stopped, and as he stared at each piece, he began to pick it apart in his head. Works like these… They were things he was completely incapable of. He was surrounded by what he would never be able to accomplish. 

Why had he ever agreed to come along? He should have known better. He should have known that a place like this was somewhere he didn’t belong to. Not anymore. 

...Kisumi knew his way home. He didn’t need Haruka there. Thinking that, Haruka took his phone from his pocket, fully ready to send Kisumi his excuse as to why he had to leave. He couldn’t stay there a second more. 

Finishing his message, his thumb hovered over the send button, hesitating. It was just like him to run away… That was all he seemed to be good for anymore. Excuses and lies. 

Grimacing, Haruka shook his head and lifted his gaze, something catching his eye from the side. A glare of light had shimmered, coming from a room he had yet to venture into. Staring at the entrance to it, he felt something drawing him closer, even though he wasn’t sure what. Not saving the message, he stuck his phone back into his pocket and moved forward, peeking at the sign above the entry.

Glass art. As soon as he stepped into the room, only the word fragile came to mind. 

Entering slowly, Haruka took his time to take it all in. One wrong move, a bump into a table… It could end up in total disaster, if he weren’t careful. It was intimidating, but at the same time, totally fascinating. 

There was a different aura to the room. It made Haruka feel something he hadn’t felt with the paintings, and though he couldn’t quite say what, he wanted to know more. It wasn’t often that he was around glass art, only ever really seeing small sculptures in the antique stores him and Makoto liked to frequent. 

He had no expertise in the making of the glass art. It was a totally foreign concept to him, and because of that, admiring the pieces came easier to him than it had with the paintings. In that room, he had nothing to compare himself to. It was a relaxing change, one that he was thankful for. 

In admiring the works, he lost track of time. It was easy to be distracted with how beautiful each piece was, and how they so gorgeously glittered in the lighting. Vases and bowls, wind chimes and animal sculptures, the entire room was filled. There was almost too much to see.

Going to the back of the room, he came upon the last case of sculptures. Kneeling down to get a closer look, he smiled as he admired each one. There was one in particular, though, that really caught his eye. A small boat, made from clear glass, its sail standing proudly. 

It was nothing too extravagant, but it did well in making his heart flutter. Though he knew that he wasn’t allowed to touch the art, there was a strong desire to, especially with that certain piece. A great sense of nostalgia had washed over him at the sight of it. It felt familiar, as if he had definitely seen it before. Perhaps in a painting, or in a story book he had read years ago… He wasn’t too sure. 

...Then again, he _had_ grown up in a fishing town. He was positive he had seen many boats in his lifetime, so vaguely remembering one wasn’t anything too special. The boats that drifted at the docks had never been an amazing sight to him, and even as a child, stories about pirate ships had never excited him.

There was a memory of a certain child, though. A boy who had been enamored with the boats, who could go on and on about them until it was just plain annoying. Looking back, Haruka could only find it to be more endearing now, something he should have cherished.

It was odd how just one little instance could cause many memories to resurface. A light smile playing at his lips, Haruka leaned his head against the case, not hearing the footsteps of another person entering the room and approaching him. It was only when another form was at his side did he take notice. 

Standing straight and adjusting his jacket, he didn’t look to the other, flustered that he had been caught on his knees admiring something like a child. Surely that would look odd to anyone else.

“Do you like these things?” 

A soothing voice came to Haruka. It didn’t sound condescending, and honestly, Haruka was surprised. He wasn’t particularly used to being spoken to out of nowhere. Glancing at the newcomer, he was hit with a sense of deja vu, like him and this person had met somewhere before.

“...I don’t usually look,” he admitted, brushing off the feeling. “But they’re nice.”

“Is that so? I’m glad.” 

It was at that point that Haruka decided it was best that he left before the stranger could say anything else to him. Turning to the man, Haruka bowed his head and said a small goodbye, ready to make his leave. 

Something stopped him, though. Glancing back at the other, he couldn’t help but stare. They _had_ to have met at some point, but for the life of him, Haruka couldn’t recall. Still, the familiarity was too strong. 

The other didn’t look his way until moments later, a brow raised and a puzzled smile on his lips. “Is there something…?”

“No, uh…” Haruka knew he looked like a fool, but he couldn’t just leave. Not yet. Even this person’s _smile_ was familiar, and Haruka truly wanted to know, but… “I’ll… I’ll be going…”

“Mm.” 

Haruka could have just asked if they knew each other, but if he were wrong… He didn’t want to deal with it, really. He’d rather just move on. Before he could go, his arm had been captured, making him stall. The man’s touch was warm… Welcoming. He had felt it before, definitely--

Turning his head back to the man, Haruka noticed that his brows were knitted together, as if he were mulling over something. He opened his mouth once, closed it again, and then finally spoke. 

“Sorry. It’s raining outside, so if you don’t have an umbrella, you can use mine.”

Looking at the hand holding him in place, Haruka could only stare as memories began to flood into him. A rainy day, a warm touch, a beautiful smile that he could never forget… 

His heart began to pound as he lifted his chin, gazing into the eyes of someone he had known long ago. He felt silly for not realizing sooner. Really, there had been hardly any change, so little that it was incredible. 

Parting his lips, Haruka tried to find his words, wanting to say something that wouldn’t make him sound foolish. 

“... _Rin?_ ”

Surprise was written all over Rin’s features as he pulled his hand away from Haruka’s arm. Moments later, it was replaced with skepticism, and he tilted his head to the side. 

“...Do we know each other?”

“Yes, I--” 

Stopping mid sentence, Haruka’s stomach twisted, and he was overcome with a sense of dread. He didn’t want to think of it being a possibility, but Rin not remembering him… Something like that was absolutely possible. Haruka was guilty as well; there had been times when he had forgotten Rin’s appearance, how his voice had sounded… He never had _completely_ forgotten, though. There was no way he ever could. 

...For Rin to forget _him_ , it would be awful.

Whatever he had wanted to say was long gone at that point. Rin was staring at him, and his gaze had grown to be something intense, totally different from what it was like when he was four. Haruka felt as if he were being scrutinized and almost turned in on himself, ready to leave the room with his head ducked. 

Rin spoke before he could escape. 

“Nanase… _Nanase?_ ”

At hearing his name, Haruka lifted his eyes to meet Rin’s again, watching as his expression shifted to something of pure bewilderment. In an instant, a wave of relief washed over Haruka, all of his worries being dispelled. 

“Yeah--”

“ _Nanase!_ ” 

The next thing he knew, Rin’s arms were around him, pulling him into a crushing hug. Haruka returned it after he got over the initial shock, patting Rin’s back. He could feel Rin’s grin against his shoulder, and his body shook with little giggles. When they finally stepped away from each other, Haruka’s chest was filled with an unbelievable warmth. 

His smile was as radiant as ever. It was just a bit different now, yes, but a lot about Rin had seemed to have changed over the years. Haruka thought that, and yet, it was like no time had passed at all. Rin was still the same person that Haruka had known all those years ago, a person who remained as bright as the sun. 

What he was now was totally unlike the last time Haruka had seen him. In those last moments together, Rin had been a boy who carried the grief of just losing his father on his shoulders, a boy who had been sad, dull looking… One who held not a shred of pleasure.

At those thoughts, Haruka felt his throat tighten, and he had to will away the tears that threatened to spring up. He should have known better. He was silly for thinking that Rin would still be like that, that he wouldn’t grow into a happier person.

Rin… Rin was someone strong.

“You know, I was thinking you looked familiar, but I just couldn’t tell-- It’s been so _long!_ ” Wiggling in his place, Rin beamed at Haruka, looking as if he had just won some magnificent prize.

“It has been,” Haruka agreed, opening his arms when Rin moved forward to embrace him again. “You look well, Rin.”

“I am-- Well, I’m better _now_ , but…” He shook his head, moving away but keeping his hands on Haruka’s shoulders. He was staring, looking Haruka over. Usually, an action like that would have made Haruka anxious, but it was different this time. “ _Wow_ …”

“...Wow?”

Grinning, Rin shook his head and patted Haruka’s shoulders. “Just wow. I’m really… Oh, did you enter something into the exhibit?”

It was an odd turn in direction, but one that Haruka vaguely expected. “No. I’m just here with a friend.”

“That so.” Rin glanced around the room and caught on that it was only the two of them in it, and he snorted right after. “Uh, did your _friend_ ditch you or something?”

“ _I_ ditched _him_ ,” Haruka corrected, brushing Rin’s hands off of him and moving to leave the room. It was best he actually catch up with said friend, now that it seemed his plans would be changing. He nodded for Rin to follow, and the other did, walking up alongside him. “He just wanted to meet up with some friends, so I let him.”

“...Did he say who?”

“No.”

“Ah…” Rin grimaced as he rubbed the back of his neck, digging his phone out from his pocket and flipping through a few messages. Glancing at Haru, he gave a light smile. “By any chance, is his name Shigino?”

...That changed a few things. Even though Haruka knew that Kisumi hadn’t done something like this on purpose, he at least deserved a thank you for it. Haruka made a mental note of that, returning Rin’s smile. 

“That’s right. Were you one of the people he was going to see?”

“Yeah. We made plans to go out drinking later, so-- Ah, that’s perfect, actually. You can come with us! How long were you and Kisumi planning on staying in Yokohama?” 

Haruka had hardly heard Rin’s question, more caught up in just listening to his voice. It had really matured, and naturally, Haruka’s had too, but… Rin’s was smooth and beautiful. It was a voice that one could listen to all day if they so pleased. Haruka found himself thinking that that was something he wouldn’t personally mind doing. 

Snapping back when Rin repeated his question, Haruka had to look away, lips pursed. “We didn’t agree on an overnight stay, but I’ll still go drinking.” The earlier thoughts of going back to Tokyo without Kisumi had all disappeared with the changing circumstances. All he wanted now was to be around Rin for as long as time allowed.

Rin visibly lit up at Haruka’s words and he nodded, patting Haruka’s back with an eager giggle. “That’s great! I really can’t believe this, though… It’s been so long!”

“...You already said that.”

“But it’s true!”

Puffing out a small laugh, Haruka smiled at Rin before turning his gaze forward. He knew the excitement that Rin was feeling, even if he wasn’t as open about it. Truly, he was happy they were able to see each other again. 

When they met up with Kisumi and his group of friends, him and Rin exchanged a hug, saying usual greetings like _“It’s been forever!”_ and _“I’ve missed you!”_ and the like. When Kisumi finally noticed Haruka standing behind Rin, he quirked a brow up and looked to Rin for answers. Rin put on a smug smile as he began to explain.

“We already know each other from way back when.”

“Before we had even started school,” Haruka added, moving to stand at Rin’s side. “We haven’t seen each other in a long time.”

“ _Way_ too long.”

Peering at him from the corner of his eye, Haruka nodded, and jumped slightly when Kisumi had slapped a hand down on either of their shoulders. He wore a huge grin, his eyes practically sparkling.

“That’s great, you two! To think that I helped you both come together, after so long--”

“What did _you_ do.” Shrugging Kisumi’s hand away, Rin laughed as Kisumi huffed at him, lower lip jutted out in a pout. Haruka knew the answer, of course, but he would save his thanks for later.

After being introduced to the rest of the group, Haruka followed behind as they went through the exhibit once more. He avoided staring at the paintings for longer than need be, only stopping to admire them when someone would point out their own piece. They were all very talented, and Haruka was definitely impressed.

When asked about his own entry, Rin became flustered and refused to show them, despite their protests. All he could say was that he wasn’t too confident in what he had done, and he’d rather wait to show them something incredible. Though they seemed unconvinced, everyone finally agreed and decided to move on from the topic. Haruka heard Rin breathe out a sigh of relief, and he felt that he could understand the feeling.

Leaving the building with everyone in high spirits, Haruka ducked under Rin’s umbrella when he offered, their shoulders touching as they trailed behind the rest of the group. They all spoke amongst themselves, mostly about being nervous over the awards. It had been a long time since Haruka had felt the same anxiety, but he still understood where they were coming from. They didn’t have much to worry about, though. Their potential was high.

Evening was only just settling in when everyone had seated themselves at a bar that Rin had recommended, glad to escape the rain and the frosty air outside. Haruka still shivered slightly, but tried to hide it as he followed Rin, who had silently beckoned him to sit together away from everyone else. They were more keen on just catching up with each other.

“I’m still in shock,” Rin murmured, resting his chin in the palm of his hand, his eyes on Haruka. “To think that we’d run into each other like this… Especially after all this time!”

“Yeah. It’s a surprise.”

“Definitely.” Falling silent, a few beats passed, Rin taking a sip from his drink. “Still living in Iwatobi?”

“No. I’ve been in Tokyo for almost five years now.”

“For real? Are you in university?” 

“Graduated earlier this year.”

“Not bad~.”

Leaning against the counter, Rin shook his head with a sigh, a smile on his lips. Haruka could only watch in silence, momentarily forgetting about his own untouched drink. Rin’s appearance had really changed over the years. He was more muscular now, and had grown taller, probably taller than Haruka. A firm jawline, slender fingers… His gorgeous smile hadn’t seemed to have changed at all, because it still made Haruka feel an unimaginable warmth.

A sudden chill shot up Haruka’s spine and he had to take a long drink to distract himself from those strange thoughts. He set it back down on the counter with a grimace; he wasn’t even that fond of alcohol. Whatever, though. “What about you? Still in Hokkaido?” 

“Hell no,” Rin answered with a laugh.. “No, no. I haven’t lived there in _years_. Mom got a new job when we went there, since she didn’t want for the three of us to live off of Grandma forever. Mom’s good at what she does and got promoted a lot, so we ended up moving around pretty often.”

“To where?”

“All over, to be honest.” Rin looked pretty distant, his smile fond as he relived the memories. “We lived in Kyoto, here for a bit, and moved to Osaka after that. For a while, we even stayed in Okinawa.”

“ _Okinawa?_ ” Haruka repeated, mouth going a bit agape. “That’s… That’s pretty far off.”

“I know, right?” Running his fingers through his hair, Rin exhaled. “But that’s not even the furthest we’ve lived.”

“Where…?”

“Alright, get this. _Australia_.”

“Really?” 

“Really!”

It was incredible, the stories Rin was able to tell him. He had been so many places, and he had seen so many sights. There was almost too much for him to say. There was no way he could share almost twenty years worth of stories in one sitting, but knowing that just made Haruka want to hear all the more. Leaning against the counter, Haruka watched and listened, smiling at the hand motions that Rin used to express himself. He had done that a lot as a child, as well. 

“And finally, I ended up back here in Yokohama. I’ve been living here for around four years now? I think?” While Rin thought it over, Haruka felt his heart clench at the realization.

To think that Rin had been so close to him all this time… Things would have been different if they had stayed in touch with each other. They would have known. 

...Then again, if they _had_ kept in touch, Haruka wouldn’t have had the opportunity to sit at Rin’s side and listen to all of his tales. Really, this wasn’t so bad. It wasn’t like they could change the past, so embracing the future was better. 

“Hey.” Interrupting Rin’s thoughts, Haruka looked back to his glass and swirled the liquid around. “You’ve lived in places in close to Iwatobi, so why did you never visit?”

Rin looked as if he had been expecting that and he gave an apologetic smile, moving his hand to rest over Haruka’s. “Sorry, Nanase.” That name coming from Rin’s lips felt odd, but Haruka didn’t comment on it, more focused on the warm handing covering his own. “We came back every few years to visit Dad’s grave, but I didn’t… I didn’t have the _strength_ to face you and Tachibana--”

As if.

Taking his gaze away from Rin’s hand, Haruka looked to him and gave a long, icy stare that made Rin wilt. He leaned back, taking his hand away to rub at the back of his neck as a laugh spilled out from his lips.

“Alright, alright, you caught me. I actually just couldn’t remember where you two lived.”

“You always _did_ try to sound more poetic than you actually were,” Haruka murmured against the rim of his glass. “You haven’t changed much, have you?”

Huffing, Rin emptied his drink and requested another before he crossed his arms, glowering at Haruka. “I _have!_ But what about you? You’re still as cold as ever, Nanase--”

“Haru.”

“What?”

“Call me Haru. It’s not like we have to be formal with each other.”

A few moments of silence passed before Rin smiled, giving him a nod. “Right. Haru.”

That was _much_ better.

“Why didn’t you just ask your mom where Makoto and I lived?” Haruka continued, making Rin sigh out. 

“Well, I didn’t want to be selfish, I guess. We were there for Dad and no one else.” His hands curled into fists on the counter and he furrowed his brows. “But, I never forgot you two. Not for an instant.”

“...You didn’t even recognize me at first--”

“Shaddup.” Sticking his tongue out at Haruka, Rin kicked gently at his ankle. “That’s only because you’ve become _way_ more handsome, you hear?” 

His mind went blank at the comment and he had to turn his gaze away from Rin, though he could still feel the man’s eyes on him. He had no idea how to respond to that, and almost considered returning the compliment, but he couldn’t form the words. His entire body felt like it was growing warm from Rin’s stare alone, something he hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Anyways,” Rin started, taking a gulp of his new drink. “As I was saying before, you’re as cold as ever.” 

Haruka wanted to be relieved for the change in topic, but all he could feel was a small irritation bubbling up at Rin’s words. Knitting his brows together, he drew his lips into a thin line and weakly glared at Rin. “Am not.”

“See, right there! That expression you’re wearing is proving my point perfectly!” Snickering, Rin leaned in closer, patting Haruka’s cheek as he teased him. Haruka brushed his hand away and he backed off, though he wore a pompous grin. “Well? Still painting? Back when we were kids, you always had a paint brush or a crayon in your hand. Sometimes I felt like you liked your artwork more than you did me, ya know!”

It was impossible to remember if that statement was true or not, but he did remember Rin sometimes complaining about it. Snorting, he nodded. “I have an art degree. Right now, I’m working as an assistant to my former professor.” 

“Impressive,” Rin hummed, though he seemed puzzled. “But you didn’t submit anything to the exhibit…?” 

“I don’t do competitions like that anymore,” he admitted. “It’s not my thing. I just like painting.”

For a moment, Haruka thought that he could see a hint of disappointment on Rin’s face, but it was gone before he could really tell. “I see. Well, as long as you’re happy with that. I’d like to see how much you’ve improved, sometime.”

That put an unsettling feeling Haruka’s stomach, but he brushed it off. If it was Rin, it was fine. “Alright,” he agreed, having to smile when Rin did. “And you? You had something in the exhibit, right?”

“Ah--” Rin’s cheeks went red and he didn’t look at Haruka, merely drumming his fingers against the counter. “Well, yeah.”

“I would have liked to have seen it.”

“...You did.”

“Huh?”

Pursing his lips, Rin didn’t immediately say anything. He peeked at Haruka, but his gaze was gone moments later. To encourage him to keep talking, Haruka nudged at his ankle until he gave in. “The blown glass. I saw you looking at the boat. That was what I submitted.”

Haruka was speechless. That was… That was _Rin’s_ sculpture? One Haruka had been so enamored with? He knew that it had reminded him of Rin, but for it to come to this… It was like fate was playing with them. 

“It was beautiful,” he mumbled. “You’re really talented, Rin.”

“You think so...?” Rin wore a dopey smile and rubbed the back of his neck, a giggle that grown men usually didn’t possess leaving him. Haruka couldn’t remember Rin ever being this bashful, but… Well, it was cute. Really cute. “My inspiration was Iwatobi, actually… I was thinking, what’s something that’s really sacred to me? I remembered the boats at the docks, and I thought, if I sculpt a boat, then maybe the waves will carry me back to where I belong~... Ah!”

Rin stood suddenly, his romantic speech ending as he glared at his watch. Haruka furrowed his brows. “What’s wrong?”

“Sorry, Haru. I was supposed to get home earlier than this, and I lost track of time…” 

Pausing in his fumbling to get his coat on, Rin stared down at Haruka, and Haruka tried to hide the evident disappointment he was feeling. Rin caught on easily though and put a hand on Haruka’s shoulder, gently squeezing. 

“Do _you_ have to go home tonight?” he asked. “You could come back to my place for the night. I have beer and food, and we could have some more time together…?”

“...Are you sure? I don’t want to impose.” Even though he said that, he was already standing with Rin, a new hope kindled. 

“You won’t~. Let me just tell Kisumi.”

After telling their plans and saying their goodbyes, they moved to make their way out of the bar. Kisumi’s voice stopped them, though, calling after Haruka. He wore a devious grin, one that gave Haruka a bad feeling. 

“Haru! Be careful around Rin! I don’t know how he acted when you two were little kids, but he’s a real charmer nowadays~. Be on guard--” 

“ _Kisumi_.” Rin wore a grin, sprinting over to give a punch to the man’s shoulder. Turning away as Kisumi began to complain, he puffed out a laugh. “I’m no charmer. Come on, Haru.”

Leaving the bar behind, Haruka buttoned his coat up and walked alongside Rin, glad that the rain had stopped. The sky was black now, only lit up by the city’s lights, not a single star in sight. Haruka had gotten used to that after living in an urban area for so long, but he had come to miss the views the countryside had offered.

Sticking close to Rin, Haruka pulled his muffler tighter around his neck, the biting cold absolutely torturing him. He hoped that it wouldn’t take long to get to where Rin lived, because his legs were already quivering. 

Taking notice, Rin snorted and nudged Haruka, brows raised. His cheeks were rosy from the cold as well, but otherwise, he seemed rather unaffected. “You look so cold~,” he purred, laughing when Haruka gave him a glare. 

“I am.”

“How weak~.”

Haruka’s heart fell at that single word, and he had to look away from Rin, his frown hidden by the scarf. Yeah, he supposed so. 

After a bit of walking, the two men found themselves in a neighborhood that Rin seemed to know like the back of his hand. Following close behind him, Haruka said nothing, watching as Rin checked his watch once. Turning a corner, they reached a convenience store that was obviously closed, all the lights inside turned off. Haruka could only feel baffled when Rin went right up to the doors, digging keys out from his pocket and unlocking them.

It was warm inside, but Haruka didn’t get much of a chance to enjoy it before he was being shuffled up to an apartment above the store. He hadn’t been able to get much of a look at the dimly lit place, but from what he had seen, it was just normal. 

Blinking when the lights in the apartment were on, Haruka shed his coat and followed Rin into a nicely sized kitchen. A note lay on the counter, neatly folded with a plate of saran wrapped dinner resting right next to it. Reading through it, Rin clicked his tongue in distaste before he tossed the note into the trash can, taking the plate to warm it up. 

“Damn, what a _good_ shopkeeper,” he muttered under his breath, punching numbers on the microwave and removing his coat. He took Haruka to a sitting room right after, which looked pretty well inhabited, judging from the magazines and empty soda cans on top of the kotatsu. 

Hurrying to tidy the room up, Rin told Haruka to take a seat, stating that he would start some tea up for them. Doing as he was told, Haruka practically melted into the heat of the kotatsu, laying against the wooden surface with a happy sigh. 

When Rin returned, he laughed, setting a cup in front of Haruka as he took his own seat. “You look comfy,” he said, his tone teasing. Haruka waved it off, sipping from the cup.

“I am.”

Nodding, Rin grabbed for the remote, turning on the news station. They sat like that for a while, enjoying each others presence, but Rin soon muted the TV. Once Haruka’s belly had been warmed up from the tea, he looked to Rin, then glanced around the room. It was a pretty standard place, but comfy. 

“So, you live in a convenience store.”

“ _No_. I live _above_ one.”

“...Same thing?” 

Rin brushed off the teasing with a grunt. “Don’t be so mean, Haru. This is a fine place to live.”

“I didn’t say that it wasn’t. Do you live alone?” It wouldn’t make sense if he did. He couldn’t really imagine Rin owning a store. 

“Ah, no. I live with a long time friend of mine.” Digging his phone out of his pocket, Rin brought up a picture of him and another man, one who was taller. Both were beaming at the camera, looking like they were having a good time. “Yamazaki Sousuke. We’ve known each other since elementary.”

“Ah.” Haruka took another sip, waiting for Rin to continue.

“This is Sousuke’s family store. He took over a couple of years after we graduated. His parents moved to the countryside after that, so he let me come live with him. I just couldn’t let the poor guy be so lonely~.”

“You’re a savior, Rin.”

“Hehe, right? Anyways, it’s easier to pay for stuff when it’s two people. I also sell my glass work in the store--”

“You sell your artwork in a _convenience store?_ ” 

“Your tone is gonna piss me off if you’re not careful, ya jerk.”

Both snorted and Rin put his elbows on the kotatsu, watching Haruka in silence for a little while. Haruka felt tiny under Rin’s gaze and he didn’t make eye contact with him, instead finishing off his tea. He waited for Rin to say something more, but nothing came, so Haruka decided to continue himself.

“Where’s Yamazaki right now?” he asked, noticing that Rin seemed to be pulled out of a daze by his question.

“Ah. He’s out at some club with friends or whatever.”

“You didn’t go with him?”

“Nah. We’re best friends. sure, but we’re not glued at the hip or anything.” Tucking a strand of hair behind his ear, Haruka noticed that he was wearing a few piercings. “Besides, I’d rather be here talking to you.”

Haruka’s face went warm at that comment and he tried to take another sip from his empty cup, grimacing when he realized his mistake. Rin laughed at him for that and he only weakly glared in return, putting the cup down. “...Kisumi wasn’t lying. You _are_ a charmer.” 

“Huh?”

“Nothing.”

The rest of their night was spent reminiscing, talking about how their friends and family were doing. Hearing Rin talk about Sousuke made Haruka feel glad that Rin had someone so important to him in his life, someone who he could so easily rely on. 

In return, Haruka answered questions about Makoto, telling Rin that their friend had been doing well for himself, and that he would surely like to meet up with Rin again soon. Rin lit up at that and eagerly agreed, saying that he had missed Makoto a lot as well. 

“He’s planning on moving back to Iwatobi soon,” Haruka told Rin at one point, his heart aching a little as he thought about it. 

“Ahh, really? I’d like to do the same.”

“I figured. Your poem from earlier told me--”

“It was _not_ a poem.” 

Though he teased Rin about it, Haruka liked the sound of returning as well. He had missed his hometown for too long now. 

It wasn’t long before Rin was slowly blinking, yawning, and soon, resting his head on the surface of the kotatsu, fast asleep. Holding in a laugh, Haruka stood to turn off the TV and the lights, returning to huddle under the warmth of the table. He didn’t fall asleep immediately, and his eyes slowly adjusted to the dim lighting, allowing him to see Rin clearly again.

Truly, Rin had become a strong person. Haruka had always hoped for that, and always wished for Rin to be doing well. It felt great, seeing Rin again, knowing that his silent prayers had come to fruition. 

His stomach still sank, though, knowing that Rin had become someone better than him. He knew it was awfully selfish, but in the quiet of that room, his mind couldn’t help but wander. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want to have those kinds of thoughts about Rin, of all people.

Slowly, he reached out, brushing his fingers through Rin’s hair. In a whisper, he gave Rin goodnight wishes, and closed his eyes.

\--

When morning came, Rin saw Haruka off at the station, the two men exchanging phone numbers before Haruka stepped onto the train. Giving a small wave to Rin, the doors slid closed and Haruka was off, but his phone was buzzing just minutes later with a new message from Rin.

_Come back and visit soon! Or I’ll come get you! Watch out! (lol)_

Staring at the text on his screen, he eventually snickered and pocketed his phone. Rin was actually kind of lame, but that wasn’t a bad thing. Rather, it was actually very cute.

Once he was back in Tokyo, his first stop was Makoto’s apartment, practically inviting himself in to tell his friend the news. Upon hearing what he had to say, Makoto had been overjoyed, and they were quick to make plans with Rin for the following week.

When Rin made it into Tokyo, he was nearly in tears as he embraced Makoto, the two of them laughing together. Haruka watched with a smile, thinking about how it had been such a long time since he had seen something like this. Him and Makoto were ecstatic to have Rin back in their lives, and it was obvious that Rin felt the same.

For the entire day, it was just the three of them hanging around Tokyo. Window shopping, showing Rin where their apartments were, they all had a great time together before they ended it at the bar. After just a few drinks, Rin stated that he had to get going, afraid he would miss the last train out. Hugging them both, his embrace with Haruka lingering ever so slightly, he went on his way.

Two months passed like that, the friends getting together as often as possible, Kisumi usually tagging along. It was a nice change of pace for Haruka, who had been used to going between work and the bar, and then home right after. With Rin around, things had become different. 

Eventually, though, Makoto became more busy, and come February, he had moved back to Iwatobi. The day he left, Rin and Kisumi had taken Haruka out for drinks, thinking that he would find some sort of comfort in alcohol. To Haruka, though, it seemed like Kisumi was the most torn up about it, nearly getting blackout drunk that night. 

After making sure their friend got home safely, Rin returned to Haruka’s apartment with him, thanking Haruka as he rolled out an extra futon. Once both were snug, the heater keeping them warm, Rin began to speak, his tone of voice low. 

“Will you be lonely without him?” 

“...Not particularly.”

Haruka was lying, and he knew that. After him and Makoto always living near each other, it was odd, not having his friend’s presence there. Time would pass and he would get over it, but it still felt a little off. 

He was just glad that Rin had come back into his life when he did. If he hadn’t have been there, Haruka felt that he would have been worse. Imagining a life with only Kisumi to keep him company… Well, it was best that he didn’t think too hard on it. 

In the silence of the room, Haruka had almost fallen asleep, his eyes fluttering open when he felt Rin shift next to him. He began to speak, prompting Haruka to listen. 

“Remember how we used to have sleepovers when we were little?” he mumbled. Haruka could practically hear the smile from his tone of voice alone. 

“I remember that you were afraid of the dark,” Haruka replied, feeling a sense of pride when Rin didn’t immediately respond.

“...That’s only because you told me that monsters were lurking in the places I couldn’t see clearly,” he finally said, voice tiny. “It really freaked me out, you know. You were such a jerk.”

“Mmhm. Sorry.” Holding back a snort, Haruka closed his eyes again, curling further into his blanket. “I also remember that you used to beg to climb into bed with me.”

“Shut _up_.” Heaving out an exasperated sigh and rolling over to where he could see Haruka’s back, Rin reached out and curled his fingers into the man’s shirt, a small smile playing at his lips. “It’s just, I always felt safe next to you. You were always so strong willed, so I figured you would protect me. Like a prince or something~.” 

The prince part didn’t phase Haruka, but rather, the words strong willed did. The phrase repeated itself a few times in Haruka’s head and he pulled out of Rin’s grasp, moving to where he was facing the man laying beside him. Rin’s eyes were as clear in the dark as they were in broad daylight. As always, his gaze made Haruka’s chest fill with warmth.

Reaching over, Haruka took Rin’s hand in his own, noticing how Rin’s entire body tensed up. “You would always make me hold your hand until you fell asleep, too.” Shifting slightly, Haruka laced their fingers together, watching as Rin hesitantly curled his fingers down. “Like this.”

Haruka watched Rin stare at their joined hands, and even in the dark of the room, a light blush spreading out on his cheeks was visible. He parted his lips once, then drew them into a thin line before he spoke. 

“...I don’t remember,” he mumbled, letting Haruka hold his hand for only a few moments more before he pulled away and rolled over, curling in on himself. “Sorry.”

“Well, you _were_ only four.”

“...Yeah.”

They said no more to each other, and Haruka slept soundly that night. In the morning, he was greeted by Rin, who had dark circles under his eyes. Every other few minutes, he would yawn and rub at them, prompting Haruka to ask about it. “Couldn’t sleep?”

Rin grimaced at first, then looked away, voice small. “...Guess not.”

For a few days after that, Rin didn’t contact Haruka. That didn’t bother him, as he was busy with his own things, but his heart _did_ flutter when he checked his phone one evening and a new message from Rin was waiting for him. It was a simple apology, Rin stating that he had been helping Sousuke with the store, and that they had been flooded with business.

Haruka had to wonder just how busy a convenience store could get, but said nothing about it, only sending Rin a text back to tell him that it was fine. Right after, he asked when they could meet up again, and once the plans were made, he was settled.

Life was changing, bit by bit. Makoto was gone, back in Iwatobi where he would continue living his life. For Haruka, that was still odd, and he wasn’t sure how long it would be before he had gotten used to it. He knew he would be fine, though. A new routine would come around, one with Rin finely weaved into it, and that would become his new norm. 

...It had been a while since things had felt this... Okay for him. It was only a small hope, barely flickering in his glass encased heart, but it was there. Forming a silent prayer, Haruka wished for his life to continue like that for him, wished for it to continue to treat him well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I have been working on this fic for a long time now, so thank you for reading! I hope it was enjoyable, and that you will continue to read into the future chapters! Kudos and comments are very appreciated!  
> (BIG thanks to Tonkatsu, Sarah, Mic, and Val for encouraging and helping me!)


	2. Chapter 2

“My studio...?”

“Yeah!”

It was a warm day for March, and the two sat across from each other at a café Rin had recommended. A place overlooking Yokohama’s bay, the scent of the ocean drifted by on a breeze and ruffled Haruka’s hair, filling him with content. It was a pleasant spot. 

If only he could try the food, though. He had ordered a cake, and it had only just been placed in front of him, but before he could get a bite, Rin had started speaking. Letting the piece hover in front of his lips, trying to decide between it and Rin, he finally puffed out a sigh and set the treat back on the plate, drumming his fingers against the table as he hummed in thought.

The idea of Rin visiting wasn’t something he was _totally_ against. Part of him was glad that Rin was still enthusiastic about his art. As kids, whenever Rin would visit, he would always sit by him and admire his drawings. It was one of the few times he was actually quiet. 

Another part of him, though, was reluctant. Rin was an artist as well, yet Haruka had seen very little of what he could do, but he still knew that Rin had incredible capabilities. Haruka wasn’t sure if he could measure up, and he didn’t want to hurt Rin’s expectations. 

“Why?”

“Because I haven’t gotten to see how your art has improved yet, and I’m getting really curious,” he answered. “I always thought you were good when we were kids, so I bet you’re something amazing now--”

“Hey, were you on a sports team in high school? Your muscles are big.”

“Don’t try and change the subject.”

Flattery wasn’t working, it seemed. Knitting his brows together and pursing his lips, Haruka turned his eyes to the water below them. The way Rin could see right through him was aggravating, but unavoidable. He supposed he _was_ being a bit obvious, but still…

“Haru.”

Ignoring him, Haruka narrowed his eyes at the waves that gently lapped at the pillars holding the boardwalk up. Another breeze blew by; the weather was beginning to get better, everything around them ready to flower into a new life… Ah, the cherry blossom trees would be blooming soon, wouldn’t they?

“I want to go to a viewing,” he mumbled.

“ _Haruka_.”

“ _Fine_ , shut up.” Huffing, he looked back to Rin and reached across the table, flicking at the bridge of Rin’s nose. That earned him a surprised yelp, Rin nearly falling backwards and out of his chair. As Rin covered his nose, Haruka smiled. “You’ll get wrinkles if you keep frowning like that.”

“You’re one to talk.” Rin’s voice was tiny, a mere grumble, and he glared weakly at Haruka. A flicker of pride and amusement nestled in Haruka’s heart at the sight. 

“This is my natural face.” Waving the comment off with ease, Haruka managed to get a bite of the cake before Rin could interrupt. It was tasty-- He’d order a piece to take home. After another bite, he continued. “And I--”

“You have frosting on your face.”

“Oh.” Accepting the napkin Rin handed him, he dabbed at his lips, his cheeks warming slightly. “...I don’t have a studio. I just use an empty room at the university.” 

“I’d say that counts.” Smiling, Rin leaned forward, dipping his fingertip into the frosting and taking a taste. He muttered something about it being too sweet as he placed his chin in his palm. “So, you’ll take me there sometime?”

There was a sense of hope in Rin’s tone that made Haruka feel weak. He wasn’t going to win this battle. Sighing in defeat, he nodded, not looking at Rin. With every agreement came certain rules. 

“...Only if you take me to _your_ studio.” 

The way Rin visibly tensed up at the request made Haruka think he had hit a soft spot. Quiet for a few beats, the only sound being seagulls overhead, Rin finally nodded. “Alright… We have a deal, then?”

“...I guess so.” 

\--

A week passed, their agreement hanging heavily in the back of Haruka’s mind. He knew he couldn’t back out now, nor did he want to disappoint Rin, but… He just had no idea how the other would react. Ill comments had become such a norm for him, and he didn’t want to think that Rin would say cruel things, but he truly didn’t have a clue.

On the day they had set, Haruka nimbly helped with the students, flitting back and forth in a nervous daze that everyone seemed to take notice of. When all was over and the students were leaving, he bowed his head to the professor and gave her a hearty apology, stating that he was just all out of sorts. She waved it off and put a hand on his shoulder, a gentle smile on her lips. 

“Nanase-kun, do you know what I do when I’m at a loss?”

“...What?”

“I paint!”

Her words of wisdom didn’t sound like much to Haruka’s ears, what with her being an _art professor_ and all. Not being able to muster up a proper response, he only gave her a weak smile and nodded his head, saying that he would do just that. Pleased with the answer, she threw him a thumbs up and grabbed her purse, heading out for the day.

Not long after she was gone, Haruka’s phone buzzed with a new message, Rin’s name flashing on his screen. Haruka’s stomach dropped immediately, a bad feeling coursing through his veins. Rin was there earlier than they had planned, not giving Haruka the time to clean up like he had meant to. 

_I’m here! I’m at the front gate, but I don’t know how to get to the art room. Come help before I die out here! There’s so many young people!_

Having to stare for a few moments, Haruka finally snorted and shook his head, bearing a tiny smile. Rin could really be quite the character, sometimes. Pocketing his phone, he sprinted down to where Rin would be, seeing him wave in the distance. Going up to him, Haruka tilted his head, a brow raised. 

“Young people, huh…” 

“ _Yes_ , young people. You can tell who the new ones are-- Seriously, it’s weird.”

“You only graduated just last year.”

“That’s my point!”

After sharing a short laugh, Rin requested Haruka’s guidance, following close behind him as they went into the building. Passing students in the hallway, Haruka heard whispers from some girls he recognized.

“Nanase-sensei is with someone handsome, isn’t he?”

“He is!”

Haruka hoped that Rin hadn’t heard, but he wasn’t so lucky. A coy laugh came from behind him, and Haruka peered back at Rin, goosebumps rising at the sly smile he wore. Knitting his brows together, Haruka turned his head away. “Don’t say it.”

“ _Sensei_ , huh~?”

“Stop.” 

Ignoring the teasing comments, Haruka quickened his pace, hearing Rin complain as he moved to catch up. It wasn’t exactly like he wanted to get to his studio faster than need be, but escaping Rin’s giggles became his main priority. 

When they reached the room, Haruka paused at the door, his hand hovering over the knob. His heart pounded rapidly in his chest, and he bit down on his lower lip, an uncertainty overcoming him. Glancing back at Rin and seeing how eager he looked, he tried to swallow the bad feelings down, and opened the door. Letting Rin go in first, he stood to the side, his heart jumping when he heard Rin breathe out a small gasp.

“ _Wow_.” 

Shutting the door behind them, Haruka leaned against it, feeling weak in the knees. He let Rin explore the room as he so pleased, though his mind began to plague itself with more and more distressing thoughts, just as usual. With sharp eyes and an uneasy stomach, Haruka watched Rin closely. For a minute or two, all he did was stand and stare at his surroundings, lips parted in awe. 

It didn’t take long for him to snap out of his stunned trance. Jumping from his spot, he began to go through canvases and sketchbooks that had been tucked away for ages, ones that held years of artwork that Haruka hardly looked at himself. When Rin finished, his lips in an o shape, he laughed and turned to Haruka with a large, toothy smile. It seemed like he could hardly contain himself, shifting his weight back and forth on his feet.

The way he so easily got excited, the way his whole disposition changed when he did… That hadn’t changed through the years.

“ _Wow!_ ”

“...You already said that.”

“Yeah, well-- _Haru_. This is…” 

Haruka could see just how eager Rin was. Really, it was plain as day. The way he trailed off, though, made Haruka’s doubts grow stronger. One after the other, worst case scenarios popped into his head, making him feel dizzy. Rin would call the pieces dull, tell Haruka that they were boring… In the end, he would be just another critique. Averting his gaze, Haruka waited, his fingers trembling slightly. The desire to cover his ears and block out Rin’s words was strong.

All thoughts disappeared when he felt Rin’s hand around his. Lifting his head and meeting Rin’s shining eyes, his heart throbbed. His hand received a solid squeeze from Rin’s, and Rin stepped closer, practically pinning Haruka against the door. Dazed by the action, Haruka was only able to focus on how Rin was so brilliantly beaming. 

“You’re as amazing as I thought! Haru!”

His words flitted through Haruka’s mind over and over again, like a bell gently ringing. A light pain his chest, Haruka felt a sense of shame fill him. He should have known better, he supposed. Rin was different. He would never… He wasn’t like the others. Knowing that, the shame was quickly overshadowed with relief, and Haruka squeezed Rin’s hand in return as a bashful smile surfaced.

“You’re loud.”

“Sorry, but--” Breathing out, Rin ran his fingers through his hair and laughed quietly. “I figured you were good, but this is really something else…”

The praise made Haruka’s cheeks slowly warm, and he had to look to his feet, trying to keep down a smile. Pulling his hand away from Rin’s, he tucked it behind his back, having no idea on how to respond to the kind words. “...You don’t think they’re too dull?”

“No?” Rin turned back to Haruka with his head tilted and a brow raised. “Why? Do you?”

Haruka didn’t have an answer to the question. Not once had anyone ever asked what he thought of his own work. He had never given his opinion on the pieces before; he hadn’t thought it was important. Really, he wasn’t sure if he even _had_ an opinion. He painted only because he knew how. The only thoughts he had ever given to the art was what others had told him in the past.

Pursing his lips, he lifted his gaze and looked around the room, his heart pounding as he took it all in. 

...Everything felt very… Dark.

“...I don’t know,” he admitted. “I never thought about it.”

“Really? Huh. I’m always over analyzing my own stuff, so I can’t empathize.”

From his words, Haruka could tell that Rin hadn’t the slightest idea of what constantly went through his mind, but he couldn’t say that. Instead, he kept quiet and watched Rin go to one of the easels, leaning in closer to admire the canvas resting on it. An ocean scenery with a night sky overhead, Haruka could remember that he had been proud of it at one point. Any satisfaction he had felt had easily disappeared after the slew of comments he got on it. Shaking his head, he decided it was best to not recall.

“Hey, do you only use cool colors? You should let me borrow the warm ones. I always run out and Sousuke refuses to give me any for free~.”

“Anyone would. They’re not cheap.” Hoisting himself off the door, a bit of strength having returned to him, he moved to stand at Rin’s side. Puffing out a laugh at Rin’s mock hurt expression, he looked to the painting, going quiet. “...You also do stuff like this?”

“Hardly ever,” he answered, sighing as he stood straight. “It’s not my strong suit, but I do like it. A glass blowing studio isn’t really a place for painting, though.”

That caught Haruka’s interest. Not a place for painting… Well, if that was the case, there was a simple solution to the problem. Bumping their shoulders together and making Rin look at him, Haruka wore a small smile. “Then how about here? You can come whenever you want. I don’t think my professor would mind.”

Rin’s face lit up at Haruka’s words, his smile growing. “For real?!” 

“Yeah.”

The way Rin’s eyes shone showed his excitement blatantly, and it made Haruka’s heart flutter, glad he was able to make Rin look so eager. The feeling only grew deeper as Rin went in for a hug as a thank you. Returning it, Haruka patted Rin’s back and lifted a hand to ruffle up his hair. Rin complained, but laughed despite himself. 

The next day, Haruka had a short conversation with the professor, her eyes lighting up at the request. She gladly agreed, much to Haruka’s relief. Sending a text to Rin to tell him that he was welcome anytime, Rin responded with glee, thanking Haruka again. Haruka felt that he didn’t deserve so much, but it still put a nice warmth in his chest. 

This arrangement was going to be nice, he figured. Having company in his usually empty studio would be something new, and said company being Rin… He could brighten up any room without even trying. 

Their deal was made. 

\--

In the weeks that followed, Haruka found himself hanging around his “studio” more often than he was used to. Usually, he would go home before the sun set, wanting to get ready for his night shift at the cleaners. That had changed into leaving just as the street lights were turning on, the sky already painted black, and him with the worry of being late to his job. He would have found that troublesome before, but for some reason, he wasn’t so bothered by it. 

...That reason was Rin, of course. As class ended, he would help the professor clean up, and he would head to the studio right after. Painting by himself, he left the warm colors on his palette untouched. That hadn’t changed. Sooner or later, Rin would show up, tie his hair back with one of the bands he carried in his pockets, and get to work on one of the many empty canvases. 

A table at his side held his paints and brushes, and before long had passed, he would be filling the white canvas with vibrant colors that Haruka himself hadn’t used in so long. Oranges and reds and yellows… Rin utilized each one of them and managed to create warm sceneries that took Haruka to a different place. Other times, he would look to his phone for inspiration, and some mundane thing was on the pages perhaps an hour later. A bicycle, a pot of stew, a boat floating at a dock... 

It was only his opinion, but Haruka was certain that Rin had been lying when he said that painting wasn’t one of his strong points. What Rin could create was beautiful, and more than often took Haruka’s breath away. It usually came to a point where he would find himself distracted from his own work, just simply watching Rin’s brush glide over the canvas. 

The painting wasn’t all that was breathtaking in the room, though. The way Rin so diligently worked, how sharp his focus was… And, at the same time, how he also seemed to be completely at ease. A relaxing aura often came from him, one that calmed Haruka. How Rin worked was so natural, and it was obvious that he put no pressure upon himself. There was no desire to create something perfect. Instead, he just followed his feelings, let them pour through the paint brush and onto the paper. He didn’t have a set goal when working, and even though Haruka had found that method odd at first, he was still stunned when he saw just how gorgeous the finished products were.

With that came a sense of oblivion. Because of his hardened focus, Rin often didn’t notice his own habits, like how he would crinkle up his brow, or how his tongue would stick out from between his lips like a cat. One of Haruka’s favorites only shone through when Rin would put paint in his palms and on his fingertips, then proceed to smooth it around on the canvas, creating mountains or sunsets or whatever he so pleased without even picking up a brush.

Following that, too caught up in his work, Rin would forget about the paint on his hands and touch his face in deep thought. He would completely mark his cheeks, his nose… The spot changed each time, it seemed. The first chance Haruka got to see it, he laughed softly and caught Rin’s attention, but he waved it off and said it was nothing. Each time after that, he would stay silent, only smile at the sight. It was too amusing to watch Rin discover how much of a mess he was later on and complain about how he didn’t remember doing that to himself. 

When he wasn’t busy getting paint all over himself or creating something magnificent, Rin would put down the paints and move to where he was hovering over Haruka’s shoulder, watching what he did in silence. Initially, the action had made Haruka’s blood run cold, feeling as if he were being scrutinized. He did his best to push thoughts like that from his mind, though. If it was Rin, it was fine. 

Each time that followed that first moment, Haruka found himself not minding so much. It was only bothersome when Rin accidentally breathed down his neck and made him jump, stopping for a few moments to gather his thoughts back together, and he would continue before Rin noticed that something was off. After the months they had spent together, Haruka figured that he should have gotten used to the way that Rin didn’t think about personal space… Still, it always came as a surprise. 

Many of their days were spent inside, but as the weather began to grow warmer and warmer, they would take to the streets with sketchbooks in hand. More than often, Rin liked to stay around the campus, but there were times where they would wander into the city together, doing their best to find quiet and secluded spots. 

Seated at a park bench, the two men drew in silence, the architecture of buildings or the profiles of joggers going past filling their empty pages. When he grew tired of his own page, Haruka would glance over at Rin’s, impressed at how straight the lines and edges were. When he voiced a compliment of how professional it looked, Rin would flush and come back at him with his own comment, stating that he admired how everything Haruka drew seemed to flow. 

“Like water,” he told him one day. “It’s calming.”

Having to bite the inside of his cheek to keep down the smile that threatened to appear, Haruka looked down to his sketchbook. He loved the praise, he truly did. For him, though, it was still difficult to accept. Years of criticism had chipped away at his self-esteem and left him feeling like a scared child at any new comment. Even if he received compliments from people such as Makoto or his parents, he was still wary, unsure of how much of it was motivated by pity. He had convinced himself that a sense of sorry was the only reason behind the minimal positive feedback he received. Pity, or lack of knowledge of what actual art was, not just chicken scratch.

He had to constantly tell himself that it was different with Rin. To Haruka, Rin was nothing but an honest person, and sometimes he had to wonder if he had a filter or not. His opinions were pure and truthful, just like him. Wearing that smile of his, the one that never failed to make Haruka’s heart flutter, he would say what he truthfully thought without a moment of hesitation. To Haruka, it was a silent comfort. 

Mumbling out a small thank you to Rin, they both returned to their art, Haruka turning to a new page. So caught up in what they were doing, neither took notice of when the sun began to set and the street lights began to flicker on. Lifting his eyes up from his drawing, Haruka watched as Rin closed his sketchbook and stretched his arms above his head before he scooted closer, taking a peek at what Haruka had been doing. Moving his hand so Rin could get a better look, Haruka waited for the oncoming compliment, watching as Rin smiled and hummed.

“Impressive, as always.”

On top of keeping down his smile, Haruka had to stop himself from swelling up with pride. Chewing on his lower lip, he looked back to his drawing, one of the park’s fountain. Staring closely at it for a few moments, he decided that it wasn’t so bad, and he lightly elbowed Rin.

“You’re too kind.”

“Hehe, right?”

Turning his eyes to Rin, Haruka couldn’t help the amused smile that formed. Rin didn’t see it, though; he was too focused on the darkening sky, an expression of content painting his features. 

Staring for only a few moments more, taking in Rin’s appearance, Haruka turned his attention back to the sketchbook, noticing how the warm pinks and reds of the sun’s setting colors filled up the page and painted their horizon. All was quiet for a few minutes after that, Haruka only occasionally glancing up from his drawing to make sure that he was getting the details of Rin’s profile correct. The hues of the sunset were lovely on Rin, like they fit him perfectly. 

“Isn’t this romantic?”

Rin’s sudden question grabbed Haruka’s attention and prompted him to lift his head, eyes falling on the other. He tilted his head in confusion, not fully understanding.

“Is what?”

“Like, watching the sunset with someone, y’know? Totally something you would do with a lover.”

Ah. The sunset. Looking to it and squinting, he shrugged. He supposed so, yeah, but what of it?

“Hm…” Going back to his sketchbook, Haruka admired the page for a moment, tapping his pencil against the paper. “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had a lover.”

“That so…” The utter lack of surprise in his tone made Haruka wonder if his pride should have been hurt. “Well, I guess I haven’t really, either.”

“Why is that?”

Rin didn’t respond immediately, and Haruka didn’t push an answer out of him. Instead, he continued to draw the profile shot, his pencil scratching at the paper as he focused on perfecting the wisps of Rin’s hair. 

“Well, I have my reasons.” Shrugging as he spoke, Rin stood and grabbed his sketchbook, his lips drawn into a thin line. Haruka noticed a shift in the atmosphere, but didn’t comment on it. “I should probably get going. I think Sousuke needed me to watch the store tonight.”

“Alright.”

Closing his sketchbook, the profile shot of Rin disappeared between the pages. He noticed how Rin made no move to leave, so Haruka stood with him, wearing a puzzled look. Rin had been here many times, so it wasn’t like he needed to be escorted to the station...

“...I had fun today,” Rin murmured, something unlike him.

“...We didn’t really do anything.”

“I know, but--” Cutting himself off, Rin looked off to the side as he pursed his lips and rubbed at the back of his neck. It wasn’t easy to tell, but Haruka could see a light red color dusting his cheeks. “I just like spending time with you, is all. So, thanks.”

Not offering a goodbye, Rin turned on his heel and began to walk away, lifting his wrist once to check his watch. He picked up the pace right after, and a few moments later, he was gone from sight. Standing still, silent, Haruka moved to sit back on the bench, breathing out as he held his sketchbook close. Rin was an outgoing person, someone who was easy to read, but there were times where Haruka didn’t understand him one bit. 

Two weeks went by, Rin not calling or texting once. It was odd for him, as he usually liked to hang out at least once every few days, but Haruka just brushed it off. Rin was probably just busy again, that was all. Haruka didn’t want to be a burden on him, so making his sound decision, he made no attempt to get ahold of Rin, either. 

...Something like that wasn’t enjoyable, though. Rather, he hated that he didn’t take the initiative to contact Rin himself. One phrase lingered at the back of his thoughts. _“Don’t be a burden, and don’t let others burden you.”_ He had told himself that many times before, but to him, Rin was different. Not once did Haruka ever dread spending time with him, and he looked forward to being around someone as strong willed and warm as him. He was like a summer day.

Haruka would wait. He would wait as long as need be. Keeping his phone on him at all times, something he wasn’t quite used to, he continued to go about his daily life. Most of his time was spent at the university, and he helped the professor and students as best he could.

“Nanase-kun?”

“Yes, Amakata-sensei?” Sitting next to one of the students, he took his eyes away from the canvas and raised his head, a brow quirking up at her concerned expression. “Is something wrong?”

“Just a bit,” she mumbled, getting closer to him to where she probably thought only he could hear. The student by them easily caught the conversation, though. “Where has that other boy been? Matsuoka-san? The one who uses the empty room with you?

“Ah--” Haruka could feel the student staring at him, and he stood, motioning for Amakata to follow. Even as they moved away, he could still feel the student’s eyes burning into the back of his head. Lowering his voice, he spoke. “He’s been busy. You don’t have to worry.”

“I can’t help it,” she sighed, pursing her lips and crossing her arms. “You two seemed like you were having a great time together… It was refreshing, seeing you in higher spirits. I was just worried there had been a fight…?”

...Higher spirits? Haruka couldn’t really recall. 

“There was nothing…” Sometimes, he felt like Amakata wasn’t even a professor to him anymore. She was more like a mother away from his mother. “I don’t know when he’ll--”

“Nanase-sensei? Can I have some help over here?”

Glad for the cut in their conversation, he sighed and placed a hand on Amakata’s shoulder, wearing a weak smile to reassure her that everything was fine. Even if he wasn’t quite sure what Rin was so busy with, he didn’t want to have her worrying.

After all the students had left and he had cleaned up the room, he returned to his studio, taking a seat at one of the easels. Breathing out, he ran his fingers through his hair and pushed his bangs back. Just another day, he supposed.

Without a shift at the cleaners for that night, Kisumi, who somehow knew his work schedule a little too well, had invited him out for drinks later. He probably didn’t have too much time left until then, but he still wanted to paint on his for just a little while. 

If there was one thing that was improved by Rin’s absence, it was Haruka’s concentration. He wasn’t constantly looking up to admire whatever Rin was doing, nor did he have Rin hovering over his shoulder-- Well, that was something he hadn’t minded. Rather, it was a sensation he was beginning to miss. 

Staring at the canvas before him, another scenery of an ocean underneath the night sky decorating it, he turned his gaze to where Rin usually sat. His heart ached ever so slightly. If Rin were there, he’d no doubt be voicing his compliments on the piece… 

Shaking his head, Haruka patted his cheeks a few times. Really, he had to wonder why he was reacting to Rin’s absence like this. It wasn’t like he was _dead_ or anything--

A vibration from his back pocket snapped him out of his thoughts. It felt like he had only just picked up his brush, so the interruption wasn’t all that welcome. It was probably just Kisumi with a reminder of, _“Don’t forget or you’ll break my heart!”_ or something like that. Sighing, he dug it out and flipped it open, his heart jumping and a weight lifting from his shoulders when he saw Rin’s name on the screen. 

_Sorry for not calling or texting! I’ve been busy as hell! (lol) Anyways, come to Yokohama soon! I want to show you my studio._

\--

Stepping off the train, a flood of people pushing past him and causing him to stumble just a bit, Haruka lifted his head. Rin was easy to spot, and Haruka hurried to him, being greeted with a pat to his back and one of Rin’s signature warm grins. It was odd to not receive a hug on arrival, but Haruka made no mention of it. It wasn’t like it really mattered. As long as he could see Rin again, that was fine. The lack of one just felt… Odd, and lonely. 

“Welcome, welcome~.” Rin’s voice, one Haruka hadn’t heard for what felt like a long while, was music to his ears. “It’s a beautiful day in Yokohama. Shall I show you the sights?”

“I didn’t bring money for a tour,” Haruka hummed, wearing a light smile. Same old Rin. 

“Consider it complimentary!” 

Following Rin through the city, crossing busy streets and taking shortcuts through alleyways as they avoided cars and bicyclers, they were soon in a quieter neighborhood. It instantly gave Haruka a very friendly vibe, and he noticed that a few of the homes had been turned into tiny shops. Admiring for a few moments, he jogged to catch up with Rin.

“So, is it a studio or a store?” he asked, doing his best to match Rin’s pace. What had happened to the days of Rin being the shorter one…? 

“Both, I guess. It’s more like I display the stuff I make and people can buy them if they want.” 

Tilting his head, Haruka knitted his brows together, though he still nodded. He was pretty positive he had never heard of someone doing something like that, but Rin _had_ always been a bit of an oddball. “That’s not a savvy business practice.” 

“Hey, don’t tease me~.” 

They both puffed out a laugh and didn’t say another word as they continued on. Reaching one small building that was tucked away between two others, Rin brought a key out and unlocked the glass door. Letting Haruka go first, he wore a broad grin. As soon as Haruka took one step in, his breath was stolen away as his eyes fell on something absolutely _stunning_. 

From floor to ceiling, there were glass cases and shelves that were filled to the brim with different pieces of art and little figurines. The lighting that pooled in from the windows caused each one to gleam and shimmer, showing off the extraordinary details. Anything new that Haruka laid his eyes on was something completely different from the last. Varying colors and sizes, sculptures of animals, wind chimes and light hanging down… Everything was unique. It was like standing in a sea of glass, and it was the most beautifully overwhelming thing he had ever experienced. 

Realizing he had been holding his breath, he let it all out and stepped further into the room, trying to keep his hands to himself as he watched each movement he made closely, not wanting to bump into anything. The tingle of a bell over the door sounded as it closed, but he didn’t turn to look at Rin, too caught up in admiring every little thing he could get his eyes on. 

He felt as if there was too much to see. Each case held something new, and Haruka couldn’t even begin to think of just how Rin had so many ideas. Reaching out, he carefully picked up the sculpture of a horse, clear and polished. Turning it over in his hands a few times, he put it back down and moved onto a dragon, detailed right down to the scales. 

“Rin…” He turned to look at the other, eyes wide and lips parted. “Rin, this is…”

There were no words to describe it, describe how it made him feel. Everything was too magnificent-- Haruka felt as if he were in a daze. He heard Rin laugh, and they were standing beside each other a moment later. Picking up a colorful piece in the shape of a cat, Rin smiled fondly at it before he glanced to Haruka, a brow raised. 

“So, you like it? The animal ones are my favorites to make. Kids like ‘em, too, so I have a lot of them coming here to buy anything new that I make.” Pausing, he looked to one of the wind chimes that dangled above them. “Some of the old shopkeepers buy stuff, too. They’re all so kind--”

“It’s beautiful,” Haruka mumbled, heart fluttering in his chest. “It’s incredible.”

Though he heard Rin’s breath hitch, he paid it no mind, instead taking the cat from Rin’s hands and admiring the sculpt. A smile of his own graced his features as he curled fingers around the small figure, and he looked back to Rin, ready to voice more compliments that would surely make the other happy. 

He stopped himself before he even got anything out. Rin’s face was red, his cheeks painted in a brilliant blush that reached all the way to the tips of his ears. He wore a silly grin and looked elsewhere in the room, rubbing the back of his neck. “Th-thank you.”

“...Of course…” 

He couldn’t help but stare, captivated by just how bashful Rin had become. It was a side that Haruka wasn’t able to see too often, so when it shone through, it was something he wanted to take in and cherish. 

As to _why_ he was so taken by it… He wasn’t sure. He couldn’t explain why his heart fluttered, or why his palms would get sweaty-- Sensations like that were something he hadn’t felt since his first art contest. For Rin to be able to so easily pull them out of him...

It was either annoying, or something he had missed. 

Before the atmosphere became stiff, Rin took the cat from Haruka and put it back in its spot, breathing out softly. There was still a dash of pink on his face, and he was very obviously still flustered, judging by the dopey grin on his lips. Somehow, he managed to brush it off, coughing into his fist.

A moment later, his fingers were curling around Haruka’s wrist, prompting him to follow. He was lead to a back room, Rin flipping the light on as he opened the door. It wasn’t the cleanest spot by any means, shelves with boxes of different tools littering the place. A work bench sat near what Haruka could only guess was the furnace. Everything else was a mystery. 

“This is where it all happens,” Rin told him, stepping in with a proud smile. “The magic, you know?”

“...The magic…”

“Yes, the _magic!_ ” 

Haruka snorted and watched as Rin took a seat on the bench, a toothy grin being shown off. Stepping further into the room, Haruka looked in one of the boxes, squinting at the tools he couldn’t very well recognize. “...You’ll have to show me the _magic_ sometime, Rin. All of this is new to me.”

“Happily~. Maybe I can even teach you how to--”

“Will it hurt me.”

“Not if you’re careful.”

Grimacing at the statement, Haruka shook his head, even though Rin insisted. Getting injured was not in Haruka’s plans. He’d be fine with just watching Rin, seeing how the so called magic played out. That was enough. 

Settling their agreement, Haruka explored the room a bit more before he followed Rin back to the front room. From there, Rin began to lead him around, telling stories on various different pieces. Why he had made them, what they were supposed to entail… Haruka listened intently as he was shown old sculptures, ones that Rin said he wasn’t quite proud of, ones that he adored...

The tales were something Haruka enjoyed hearing, but as they kept on, he found himself staring less at the sculptures and more at the man holding them. The way that Rin so vibrantly lit up while talking about each piece was incredible, and it made Haruka feel a warmth form inside him. It was easy to tell just how how strongly Rin felt about his artwork, how _proud_ he was of it...

A sudden, yet familiar ache overcame him like a stab to his heart. It was cold and sharp, made his heart skip a beat. He was positive that… He would never become like Rin. He’d never smile at his own works like Rin could--

Stopping himself, he tried to shake the feeling off, clear his head of anything negative. He wouldn’t let his own shortcomings ruin his time with Rin. 

Putting on the best smile he could, he continued listening to Rin’s stories. Really, though, there was too much to be seen, and Rin didn’t have words for every little thing. Ending the small tour in one of the back corners of the room, Rin leaned against a case, breathing out with a grin. “My throat is starting to hurt~.”

“You had a lot to talk about.”

“Mm, I did, didn’t I?”

Laughing quietly, Haruka moved to stand by him, glancing at their surroundings. There wasn’t much where they were. It was probably a spot that would be filled in the future, and it would shine as brilliantly as the rest. Before Haruka could ask, something caught his eye.

A small wooden box lay at the end of the case they leaned against. It looked dusty, ignored-- It was something that seemed relatively untouched for some time, and it was something that immediately piqued his curiosity. Rin hadn’t made any mention of it, and as far as Haruka knew, it could have just been empty and useless.

Before he had the chance to ask, Rin was stretching his arms above his head, his joints popping as he grunted. Looking to Haruka, he smiled. “Hey, I’m going to go get us some drinks, okay? I’ll be right back~.”

“Ah-- Alright.” 

Giving some money for his own drink, Haruka watched Rin go, the bell dinging as the door opened and closed. Standing still for a few moments, Haruka’s gaze wandered back to the wooden box, something in his head going, _“Just look at it!”_

Really, though, he wasn’t even sure if Rin wanted people to see what it held. For it to be in such a secluded spot… Maybe it was something that didn’t need to see the light of day. Telling himself that, Haruka moved away from it, not wanting to upset Rin over his own needy interests. 

A few minutes passed, Haruka roaming the studio as he so pleased. Admiring pieces that had been tucked away in back corners of the shelves, probably older works that Rin didn’t want to be on front display anymore, he kept his eyes on the door. Rin would return at any minute… 

Again, his eyes went back to the corner of the room where the box was waiting. He didn’t need to see what was inside, but he sure as hell wanted to. Flicking his gaze back and forth between the door and the box, he took in a deep breath and ducked his head, going to pick it up. 

It wasn’t heavy by any means, and was probably only the size of his hand. Hesitating, he took a final glance at the door before he blew the dust off the surface and opened it slowly. 

His chest tightened and his heart thumped. In an instant, he was five again, standing on one of Iwatobi’s beaches. Rain was pouring down and soaking him to the bone, grains of sands nestled between his toes, and there was a boy who stood before him, wearing a radiant smile. 

_“Is this our promise?!”_

_“Haru, you gave me something like a ring!”_

_“I already have my favorite one right here!”_

The memories flooded into him like an ocean wave hitting the base of a rocky cliff. Adorning a light smile, he put the box down, tenderly lifting the pink stone out of its velvet home. His heart warmed as it lay in his palm. 

It was smaller than he remembered, and nestled perfectly in his hand. Though almost twenty years had passed, it still looked as brilliant as the day he had found it. It had obviously been well taken care of, something that had been cherished as time went on.

Haruka easily remembered that Rin had been excited. Overjoyed, even. Back then, Haruka didn’t understand his glee, or why he smiled so big. It wasn’t that huge of a deal when he placed it in Rin’s small hand. He thought it was just a pretty stone that would make Rin happy. 

So to see it now, all this time later, tucked away in a box as if it were some sort of _treasure_ … Haruka was amazed, awestruck. For Rin, the stone held a promise that was larger than life itself. It was something that would help him never forget that day, never forget Haruka. 

Years upon years had gone by. They weren’t children anymore, and Haruka could hardly remember those days. What he could recall, he looked back on fondly, and realized that some things had never changed. The way that Rin could make Haruka’s heart jump, how both had never stopped caring for one another, never stopped wanting to see each other again--

The bell rang again, signaling Rin’s return and taking Haruka away from his thoughts. Turning with a smile gracing his lips, Haruka welcomed him back, ready to talk about the stone and the promise. Rin seemed surprised at the warmth in his tone, but returned the smile, though it was gone within moments when he took notice of what Haruka held. 

“Haru…”

Before Haruka had even gotten a word out, Rin was rushing forward, grabbing the stone from his hand and shoving it back into the box. His cheeks were red, and his movements were frantic. Stepping away, Haruka only stared at him, baffled. 

“Rin--”

“Don’t-- Don’t say anything. I know. This is embarrassing, right? How lame can I get?” Rin’s words were hushed, hurried. Haruka hardly caught them, his brows furrowing as he tried to make sense of what Rin was saying. Covering the box, Rin stared down at it, his lower lip trembling. “It’s weird. What kind of person keeps something for this long? I’m sorry--”

“ _Rin_.” 

Those kinds of words coming from Rin didn’t set well on Haruka. It wasn’t like him to be so ashamed. Using a firm tone, something he didn’t often do, he made Rin flinch ever so slightly. Rin turned his head away, visibly wilting as he went silent, waiting for Haruka to continue. 

For Haruka, though, there wasn’t anything to be said. Gently placing his hand on Rin’s shoulder, Haruka gave a warm smile that made him tense up. His hand still covered the wooden box, so Haruka curled his fingers around Rin’s wrist, moving it away so the stone could be brought back out into the open. 

Honestly, Haruka didn’t have a clue as to why Rin had reacted in such a way. Keeping the stone was nothing to be embarrassed of. It was more admirable than anything; a show of how devoted Rin could truly be. And besides, it was nice to see it again, reliving the memories he had nearly forgotten. 

As he rolled it around in the palms of his hand, he could feel Rin slowly relaxing next to him. It was a relief. Glancing to him, Haruka noticed that he was staring at the stone, their eyes not meeting. 

“...You remember it, then?” Rin’s voice was quiet, nervous. It wasn’t like him. Saying nothing, Haruka only nodded, then lifted the stone up to the light to peer through. 

A silence surrounded them for a few moments, but soon, a light hiccup sounded, making Haruka’s heart jolt. He looked to Rin, easily noticing the tears that were welling up in his eyes, threatening to spill over at any moment. 

“...Rin?”

Rin shook his head and tried to hide his face, wiping at the tears with the back of his hand, another hiccup escaping him. “I’m so glad,” he whispered, Haruka barely catching it. “Really, I’m so glad, Haru.”

A few drops slid down his cheeks and dampened them. Resisting the urge to reach out and wipe them away, Haruka stood still as his throat tightened up. He watched Rin’s trembling form in silence, at a loss for words. After trying to dry his eyes, which came to no avail, Rin slowly reached out for the stone. Haruka allowed him to take it, heart jumping as their fingers brushed.

“I thought I was the only one who remembered,” Rin admitted, voice strained, very obviously trying to hold back a sob. “I was so… I was so, so happy when you gave me this. It was something special between the two of us, and I had always wanted that as a kid.” He paused to wipe at his eyes once more, lips parted as a weak smile graced his features.

Haruka didn’t want to admit it, but he looked beautiful, in a way. He always did. 

“When I moved, I cried for days… I was so upset. We wouldn’t be able to go back to the beach-- We wouldn’t be able to gather more. I had broken the promise…”

That wasn’t even close to Rin’s fault. Haruka didn’t say that, though, instead watching as Rin laughed quietly and shook his head, his weak smile turning into something more bashful as he chewed on his lower lip. 

“...But then I realized that you had probably only given this to me to make me shut up. I was such a brat back then, wasn’t I?”

What he said wasn’t wrong. If Haruka were being truthful, he _had_ given Rin the stone just so they could get out of the rain and return to their parents. At the same time, though, he had _never_ been insincere about their promise. Back then, he had made the decision that he absolutely wanted to hold true to it, so Rin’s words made his heart ache. 

“Still,” Rin continued, “I kept this. I wanted to go back there with you. I thought that, even if you decided that you didn’t want to… I’d still make you. I thought of how much fun we’d have. No matter what, I want to go and collect stones with Nanase… It was selfish, I know, but that was what I truly wanted.” 

Giving Haruka an apologetic look, Rin sighed and he wrapped his fingers around the stone, holding it close to his chest. Haruka was silent at first, letting all of Rin’s words sink in. It was a relief… It was truly a relief that Rin felt the same. Perhaps even stronger.

Pursing his lips, Haruka moved closer to him. His heart was fluttering, just as it always was, but he was beginning to grow used to that feeling. 

“Rin.”

“...Sorry, I’m rambling, aren’t I? I’ll stop--”

“Rin, I’ll go.”

Rin immediately went quiet, only staring at Haruka with wide eyes. Smiling at him, Haruka reached forward, smoothing his thumb over the corner of Rin’s eye, wiping a tear away. Rin leaned into the gentle touch, lips parted in what could only be confusion. The tears were already beginning to return, and Haruka was worried he wouldn’t be able to stop them. 

Haruka wasn’t good with words. He never had been. Still, he wanted Rin to know that he shared his feelings. That had never changed. 

“...I wanted to go, too. And I… I cried because we couldn't. So don’t sell me short.” Moving his hand to the nape of Rin’s neck, Haruka pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around him in a hug. “And stop crying.”

“Haru--” It took a few moments, but soon, Rin was returning the embrace, holding him close. His fingers curled into the fabric of Haruka’s shirt and he buried his face into his shoulder. Haruka could feel him tremble as he took in a shaky breath. “Haru… Haru, thank you.”

“Yeah.” 

They were reluctant to pull away from each other, and when they did, Rin let Haruka dab at his eyes with his sleeve, cheeks as pink as the stone he held to his heart. A sheepish laugh left him and he turned his gaze to the floor, gnawing on his lower lip. “You used to do this for me when we were kids, too…”

“Not much has changed.”

“Guess not.”

Sharing a tender smile, Rin’s glistening eyes warming Haruka’s heart, they both looked away from one another. Once Rin was completely done with his sobbing and his eyes were dry, he pulled out chairs for them both. Haruka took a much needed drink from the water bottle Rin handed him, sighing. 

All was quiet for a few beats, Rin being the first to speak. “You know, I found out what these are.”

Looking to Rin and wiping at the corners of his mouth, Haruka tilted his head. He had thought that they were only stones and nothing else. “What?”

“They’re called sea glass.”

“Sea glass?” Haruka repeated, looking between Rin and the stone. 

“Yeah. I’m no scientist, so I can’t tell you exactly how they form, but I do know that pink ones are rare.” Beaming at Haruka, Rin curled his fingers around the sea glass. “So you got lucky that day, huh?” 

Thinking back to then, Haruka could remember that almost all of the stones they had found had been either blue or green. Hearing that he had been able to find something special… It made him feel a bit proud. With a smile, he nodded. “I guess so.”

“And, you know, this stone has been one of my biggest inspirations.” 

“...Has it?”

“Mmhm. When I first heard about glass blowing, I thought that maybe I could recreate something like this, so I could give it to you someday. It doesn’t work like that, obviously, but I was young, and it was a start.” Staring fondly at the stone, Rin giggled. “So, I guess it’s like… You’re the reason I took this path in life.”

“...Me?” Haruka couldn't understand how he had done anything. All he did was give Rin the sea glass all those years ago-- And that had only been on a whim. He hadn’t meant to become someone’s inspiration.

...Something like that wasn’t so bad, though. It made his heart swell up. 

“Glass blowing is an art form,” Rin continued. “I remembered that you were really into art, but this seemed like something totally different from what you did. Maybe if I do this, Nanase will think I’m cool, and this time, he’ll be the one admiring _me_.” 

Haruka didn’t immediately say anything in return, only lifting his head with a brow quirked up. “...You admired me?”

When Rin’s cheeks turned a pink color, Haruka puffed out a laugh, allowing Rin to shove him slightly. 

“Uh--” He grunted and rubbed the back of his neck, looking away from Haruka with eyes narrowed. “Enough about that. I’m just saying, you were my inspiration. So, thanks.”

“I didn’t really do anything.”

“You did _way_ more than you think.”

Rin’s tone was sincere, thoughtful. He lifted his gaze to Haruka again, the blush still lingering as he waited for Haruka to speak. He wore that same smile that Haruka thought would one day be the death of him, one that made his heart began to race. There hadn’t been anything Haruka had wanted to say in return, so he swallowed thickly, his mind racing as he twiddled his thumbs in his lap. Following a short silence, he licked his lips and met Rin’s eyes, wearing a light smile of his own. 

“Then, you’re welcome.”

“...Yeah.”

\--

The summer months weren’t upon them quite yet, so going to the beaches of Iwatobi was planned for a later date. Going as far as to dig his buried calendar out of his sock drawer, Haruka marked the date down with a large red circle, his stomach filled with butterflies. 

He wouldn’t admit to it, but it was embarrassing, just how thrilled he felt. It wasn’t like he could help it, though. A trip for just the two of them… A trip to fulfill a promise they had made as kids… Not many people could say that they had accomplished such a feat in their lives. 

Pinning the calendar to his wall, letting it hang right over his TV, he stared for just a few seconds more before he went to get ready for work, his cheeks burning. 

Once again, routine had set in for them. There were days where Haruka would arrive at the university, one of the students greeting him with a smile that made him worry, their tones teasing.

“Nanase-sensei, Matsuoka-san is already here~.”

Grimacing, Haruka would nod, giving them a short thank you as he went to stand at Amakata’s side, hearing their quiet giggles behind his back. For the rest of class, things went as they normally did, until it was time for most everyone to leave. Amakata would let Haruka go to his studio so Rin wouldn’t be “lonely”, as she so kindly put it. He gave her his thanks, ignoring the stares from some of the students. 

Opening the door, he would announce his arrival, Rin humming his acknowledgement. After setting his own spot up, Haruka would get to work on whatever he had planned for that day, and like that, neither of them would speak until it was time to go. They would sometimes part ways at the front gate, Haruka ready to go to the cleaners and Rin heading for home, but usually, they decided on going out for dinner or drinks. 

There was one point where one of Haruka’s students ran into them before they went for dinner, her smile wide as she looked between them. “Nanase-sensei, thank you for your hard work today!”

“Ah, it was no problem…” He could feel Rin’s eyes on him at the title, and he did his best to ignore it, only focusing on the girl in front of him. “Was there something you needed? Do you have a question?”

“Oh, no! That was all I wanted to say, really.” Pausing, she shifted her weight from one foot to the other, hands behind her back before she bowed her head. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you two. Please enjoy your time together!”

It took Haruka a few moments to catch onto what she meant, but before he could tell her she was wrong, she was gone, sprinting down the sidewalk past them. Staring after her, he snorted and shook his head, turning to look at Rin.

“Sorry. They like to joke--” The words died on his lips when he saw how Rin had so visibly tensed up. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, uh.” Rin didn’t meet his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck, putting on a sheepish smile. “I just remembered that Sousuke needed my help tonight, so I can’t actually go out for drinks… Sorry, Haru. Next time, maybe.”

“Ah… That’s fine.” Haruka didn’t want to seem disappointed, even if he was. Rin was a busy man, and he didn’t want to keep him up. “Next time, yeah.”

“Mm. See you, then.”

“See you.”

He watched Rin go until he had rounded the corner, disappearing from view. With a heavy and defeated sigh, Haruka took his phone from his pocket, sending a text to Kisumi and inviting him out instead. He received an enthusiastic reply within minutes, and it served to lift his spirits slightly. Turning his phone off, he made his way to the bar, ready to see his friend get blackout drunk once more.

For a while after that, their days continued peacefully. The routine was something comfortable for Haruka, something he would have preferred to keep. Routines aren’t set in stone, though. They can crumble in a moment’s time, but for them, it felt like much longer than that.

Time passed and Rin began to very noticeably change. He started distancing himself from Haruka, sometimes not showing up at the university at all, nor responding to calls or texts. Other times, he was his normal self again. The divide continued for some time, and as it grew, Haruka noticed that Rin had become less chatty, more jittery, often red in the face… He wouldn’t even let Haruka touch him.

Obviously, Haruka was worried. 

At one point, fed up with wondering, he took the initiative to ask if Rin was feeling well or not. Rin had gone still and didn’t answer, but within moments, he had put on his well to do smile and denied any sort of illness. Haruka was unconvinced, but let it slide, not wanting to pry into something that Rin didn’t want to talk about. 

Finally, the day came where Rin just stopped coming altogether. All Haruka could do was send useless texts that hopefully showed that he was worried, but no reply ever came. In his studio, he would sit alone, heart aching. He had never realized how empty a place it was… How lonely it could be. 

It had been almost twenty years. Of course Haruka had missed Rin during their time apart, but he felt as if he should have been used to it by now. A few weeks apart didn’t mean much, but… It left him with a pain that lingered in his chest throughout the days. It didn’t feel right to him, being apart from each other without reason.

“He must have a girlfriend.”

It wasn’t often that Haruka expressed his worries, especially not to Kisumi. He had to get it off his chest at some point, though. Sitting next to him at the bar, drink in hand, Haruka grimaced at the final conclusion. Rin with a girlfriend…? He supposed it wasn’t impossible. Rin was attractive, talented, a romantic… Surely any girl would fall for that.

...Any _person_ , rather. 

Still, though, it didn’t feel right. If Rin was dating someone, he surely would have been bragging about it. Haruka didn’t take him as the type to keep his relationships on the downlow. 

“Are you sure?” Haruka muttered, looking to Kisumi with his brows knitted together. 

“ _Definitely!_ We should ask him.”

“No way.” His answer was immediate. He was not going to let Rin know that he had been lonely without him. Never. “No.” 

“Aww, come on~.” Kisumi tried to prompt him, putting a hand on Haruka’s shoulder and shaking gently. “Come on, Haru~. Let’s do it~.”

“No.”

He could see Kisumi’s pout from the corner of his eyes, but that wasn’t enough to make him waver. Heaving out a sigh, Kisumi leaned away, putting his chin in the palm of his hand, eyes elsewhere. “...We could ask a friend?”

“No--”

“Haru!” Flinching as Kisumi’s hands slapped down on his shoulders, he was turned suddenly, meeting Kisumi’s eyes. Haruka wilted under his stare. “Aren’t you curious, Haru? Don’t you want to know if Rin has a hot babe in his life?! Don’t you _care?!_ ”

Going tight lipped, Haruka finally deflated in Kisumi’s hold, his voice tiny as he nodded in defeat. “...I do.”

At the agreement, Kisumi put on a grin that pissed Haruka off, and he shrugged Kisumi’s hands away, lips drawn into a thin line as he returned to sipping his drink. All Kisumi did was pat his back before ruffling his hair, giggling. 

“Then it’s decided~.”

It was only nights later that the two were in Yokohama, Haruka having to be the guide to Rin’s home. After some wrong turns and dead ends, ones that Kisumi seemed to be enjoying too much, they finally reached the convenience store. Closed, not a single light on in it, nor in the apartment above. Haruka’s heart fell to his stomach and he sighed out. It wasn’t like he could text Rin and ask where he was… That would just be a nuisance. 

Letting Kisumi slip an arm around his shoulders, Haruka looked up to him with a heavy frown. Kisumi only smiled back, acting as if he hadn’t a care in the world. “Well, whatever, right? We’re supposed to meet up with my friends soon, so let’s just go. Some of them know Rin. They might have the answers we’re looking for~.”

“You’re having too much fun,” Haruka muttered, following when Kisumi began to go ahead. “This isn’t a crime investigation.”

“Just let me pretend~.”

They sat at the bar for a solid hour, Haruka only murmuring a couple of words here and there, feeling totally out of place among the group of friends. All he could do was wait to see if someone had any information for him, but of course, they didn’t. Haruka had expected that, but he hadn’t expected the gossip that followed. 

“I asked him out once, but he turned me down,” one girl started, putting a hand to her red cheek. “I was so embarrassed~.”

“He never wants to go to mixers with us… He’d be so popular at them, too…” The men in the group agreed with the statement. 

The conversation delved into places that Haruka had never asked about it. At each new piece of info, he could feel his stomach twisting into knots, and he finally lowered his gaze to his untouched glass. After just a bit more chatter that made him feel slightly ill, he decided that he had heard enough. Standing from the booth, he said a quiet goodbye to all of them and handed Kisumi money to pay for their bill, stating that he would be waiting outside. 

Leaning against the bar’s wall, Haruka stood beside the door leading in, tapping his foot impatiently against the pavement until Kisumi joined him. Haruka gave a weak glare, Kisumi only coming back with an apologetic smile. “Sorry. They don’t really have a filter when it comes to gossip. If it made you uncomfortable--”

“Doesn’t matter. I want to go home.” Hell, asking Rin would probably prove more useful than asking others, and Rin wasn’t even giving him an ounce of response. Haruka could wait, though. If it was from Rin, he’d probably get the truth, at least. Rin didn’t lie. 

Nodding in agreement, Kisumi walked alongside Haruka, voicing comments on the nightlife scenery as he admired it. Haruka had nothing to add to the conversation and only shoved his hands into his pockets, sometimes nodding to let Kisumi know that he was still listening. Kisumi talked too much, and Haruka hardly ever contributed, but Kisumi didn’t mind his silence. It was nice, honestly, not feeling weighed down with the burden of carrying half of the conversation.

On the way to the station, they took a shortcut through an alley, Kisumi staring at the screen of his phone for directions. Haruka only looked ahead, not noticing when Kisumi paused a few steps behind him. Turning his head back, Haruka noticed the glowing sign hanging above a hole in the wall bar. 

Kisumi cooed, peering in through the frosted glass door, a coy grin on his face. “Haru, let’s go in here~. Come on, let’s go~.”

“...Why.”

“Because I haven’t had enough to drink,” he huffed, though it obviously wasn’t the real reason. Haruka gave a glare and Kisumi giggled, avoiding eye contact. “And I’ve never been to a gay bar before. I’ve always wanted to go~.” 

Sighing, Haruka turned away from him, finding the conversation useless. “What would be the point. It’s probably no different from any other bar, so let’s just go home already.”

“Aren’t you curious?”

“About what?”

Haruka wasn’t looking, but he could see the pout that Kisumi probably wore clear in his head as he whined lowly. “Nothing… Geez, you’re no fun, Haru. You’re too strong willed.”

Shrugging, Haruka went on ahead, hearing Kisumi following behind him with quiet grumbles. It was a legitimate worry of his that Kisumi would someday get into trouble with that inquisitive personality of his. That wouldn’t be Haruka’s problem, though. He had a share of his own, most revolving around Rin at this point, and he still hadn’t gotten any answers.

Their investigation just wasn’t working out, and it left him feeling hopeless. He didn’t know what he would do if he didn’t find out what was wrong with Rin-- If there even _was_ anything. He truly feared that he had done something bad, had made Rin mad somehow. If he had, he wanted to fix that, of course, but he couldn’t if Rin didn’t just _tell_ him. He wasn’t sure about Rin, but he wasn’t ready to give up twenty years of waiting. 

Lost in his thoughts, he jumped when a hand fell on his shoulder, tugging him back to where he stumbled into Kisumi’s larger frame. Grunting, he narrowed his eyes up at the other, but found Kisumi’s attention elsewhere. Calling his name, he soon followed his gaze, feeling his heart nearly stop.

A group of loud, drunken men left the bar, all laughing together and looking like they were having a swell time. A familiar face mingled in with them, wearing his broad grin that could melt hearts. He giggled along at whatever joke had been said, didn’t pull away from their touches. Haruka could only stare, a sharp pain nestling inside of him. He couldn’t understand why Rin was so comfortable with these people’s hands on him, but made a point to so adamantly avoid even a simple hug with Haruka.

A spark of courage flickered in him, both from the questions that flooded his mind, and just being able to see Rin again. Tugging away from Kisumi, he went after the group, ignoring Kisumi’s protest. “Rin?”

Going still where he stood, Rin barely turned his head, eyes full of shock and confusion. After swallowing thickly, he turned fully to Haruka, his gaze lowered to his feet. “Haru…?” His voice was small and afraid, something that Haruka wasn’t used to.

Kisumi came up behind Haruka, but Haruka didn’t look to him, his focus solely on Rin. He had hardly lifted his eyes, but it was easy to notice that he was growing more and more nervous as the seconds ticked by, the atmosphere stiff. 

“Kisumi? What are you… What are you two--”

He was interrupted by one of the men in the group, one who wore a huge grin. “Haru?” he repeated, slapping a hand down on Rin’s shoulder and shaking him a bit. The sight made Haruka’s stomach twist. “This is Haru? The one you’re always talking about?”

Rin’s expression turned to that of dread, and he jumped at the man’s words, shaking his head frantically. “No, I--”

He was cut off again by another one of his bar buddies. “Haru, huh? Matsuoka talks a lot about you, you know! You must be someone special--”

“ _Stop!_ ”

Rin’s tone held a desperation that Haruka had never heard from him before. When he looked to Haruka, his eyes held nothing but fear. Haruka’s heart fell at the sight, but he couldn’t take his eyes away, letting Kisumi step in front of him.

“Rin, are you--”

Kisumi wasn’t able to finish his question, Rin darting past them, turning the corner of the building. Haruka moved to follow, but stopped himself, having to lean against the wall as his stomach tied into knots. He heard Kisumi whistle lowly from behind him, his voice quiet. 

“So, he’s gay, huh… I was a little off about the girlfriend thing.”

Gritting his teeth, Haruka gave a weak glare, ready to say that this wasn’t the time for snide remarks, but he stopped when one of the men from the group approached. All of them had fallen silent and wore worried expressions.

“You two didn’t know?” 

Haruka stayed quiet while Kisumi shook his head. “We didn’t. He never told us.”

“Oh, fuck--”

Turning to them, trying to make sure that they didn’t end up worrying too much, Kisumi told the group that him and Haruka wouldn’t say anything to anyone about this. As he spoke to them, Haruka hesitated before he slipped away, Kisumi not noticing.

For almost an hour, Haruka wandered the streets of Yokohama, searching for Rin by himself. He didn’t know where to start, and how little he knew the place didn’t help either, but he was desperate to find him. It came to no avail, though.

His legs aching, he took a seat on a sidewalk bench, breathing out as he silently stared at the night sky. No stars shone, overpowered by the city’s lights. Groups of people passed by, all laughing, seeming like they were having a good time. Pursing his lips, he felt his phone vibrate. A message from Kisumi, one that sounded stressed. Replying only to say that he would manage to catch a train back, he was on his feet again.

The way that Rin had just run off like that… It made no sense to him. That hadn’t been necessary. Haruka didn’t know what to make of the entire situation, and he had plenty of questions that lingered in the back of his head, but… Most of all, he just wanted to find Rin, just wanted to know that he was okay. 

Searching for just a bit longer, his heart falling each time he checked his watch, he finally gave up. There was absolutely no sign of him. Not at his studio, not at the convenience store… All hope was lost for that night. Dragging his feet as he made his way back to the station, feeling absolutely exhausted, he found Kisumi waiting for him. The other offered a warm smile and a pat to his shoulder.

“...You didn’t have to wait for me.”

“I didn’t want to leave you.”

Stepping onto the train and taking their seats on the fairly vacant car, Kisumi dug his hand into his pocket, bringing out his phone. The ride back to Tokyo was a silent one, neither of them saying a word, a heavy air hanging over their heads. Haruka could only stare at his feet, feeling light headed. He just wanted to get home and go to sleep.

Tapping at his phone’s screen, Kisumi pursed his lips and put it in his lap, staring at the roof of the train car as he broke the silence. “...You’re not freaked out, either, right?”

“No.” 

“Same here.” Sighing, he brushed his fingers through his hair, closing his eyes. Usually, he was all talk, so him being so quiet for once was something… Odd. “...Back there, Rin looked really scared, didn’t he? I guess he had planned on hiding it longer…”

“Why would he need to,” Haruka muttered. “We’re his friends. I don’t get it.”

Without having to look, Haruka knew that Kisumi was smiling. Makoto had rubbed off on him, probably. “Well… He probably has his own reasons, so we can’t really say for sure, you know? I don’t want to pry either… But, the next time one of us sees him, we’ll be sure to tell him that we love him, no matter the circumstances.” 

Lifting his gaze, Haruka met Kisumi’s eyes that shone with warmth. His chest tightened and he pursed his lips, giving a weak nod. He still didn’t have a clear grasp on what had happen, or what was going on, but he knew that _whatever_ Rin was, it would never affect their relationship. He didn’t know difficult it would be to make Rin understand that, but no matter what, he’d try.

\--

Messages were sent, calls were made, and no reply ever came. A week passed like that, and the lack of response was becoming aggravating, but really, Haruka was just lonely. He found himself missing Rin’s texts, his voice, his laugh, his presence in the studio… Really, he just missed Rin as a whole. 

Being apart after spending nearly every week together wasn’t easy. From both Amakata and his students, Haruka was questioned about Rin’s absence, and he could never give the right answer. Just another lie of _“He’s busy right now.”_ and that was that. He didn’t want for others to worry, especially when he was worrying enough for all of them, the burden of it weighing down on his shoulders.

What was Rin doing right now? Was he out with someone, or was he alone? More and more questions like those settled in his mind, and it was beginning to become too much for him to really handle. Head in his hands, he let out a low groan, his stomach aching. 

He didn’t have a right to wonder things like that. He didn’t have a right to wish that Rin was alone. Absolutely none. He had no say in what Rin did or didn’t do. He knew that, but his mind didn’t keep from wandering.

Rin was gay. He liked men. He had probably kissed other men, held hands with them… Haruka stopped himself, shaking his head with a heavy sigh. Really, just _what_ was he even thinking about…?

... _Why_ was he so against it…?

He didn’t like these kinds of thoughts. He didn’t like the idea of Rin being held by someone he didn’t know, someone who wasn’t--

...Wasn’t who?

His stomach turned again and he pursed his lips. He didn’t need to think things like that. Falling down against his futon, he scrolled through the names on his phone, landing on Rin’s. It wouldn’t be surprising if his number had been blocked by now. Giving up was beginning to look like his only prospect, but...

_“I really want to talk to you, Rin. Please answer.”_

With that, he turned in for the night, praying that a new message would be waiting for him in the morning.

Just as he had expected, no reply came, and another week passed. For him, all hope felt lost. He was just tired of waiting around, especially if it was going to go nowhere. Defeated, he passed right by his studio’s door, ready to go home for the night. It wasn’t like he had any desire to paint, so there wasn’t much of a point.

After a long bath and eating a hastily prepared dinner, he sat in his pajamas, watching the TV blankly. He supposed he could have invited Kisumi out for drinks, but he didn’t have much of a desire to really talk to anyone. It made him feel bad, but it wasn’t something he could help.

Slouching, he reached for his phone, jumping when it suddenly vibrated in his grasp. That small movement made his heart flutter, but it fell when he realized it wasn’t Rin’s name on the screen. Lifting it up to his ear, he spoke quietly.

“You’re awful, Makoto.”

“Wait, what?”

Huffing, Haruka smiled slightly. It had been a while since he had heard from his friend. “It’s nothing. What’s up?”

Makoto didn’t speak immediately, but when he did, there was a hint of worry in his tone. “Haru, you sound different… Is something wrong?”

Even when they were miles apart, Makoto could still somehow read him like a book. Grunting, Haruka tightened his grip on the phone, trying to decide if it was a good idea to tell him or not. Kisumi had told that group that they wouldn’t let Rin’s secret be known, but...

…Makoto was Rin’s friend, too. He deserved to know, and Haruka was ready to get everything off his chest. Surely it would make him feel better. “...Yeah. Something is.”

As the minutes went by, Haruka explained everything. Rin’s distance, the talk with that group of his friends, the bar, how Rin had run off… He even explained how he felt. He couldn't very easily say just how dejected and lonely he was, but he had a feeling that Makoto could tell. He wasn’t interrupted once during his speal. 

Once he was done, Haruka sat back, letting his head rest against his pillow as he waited for Makoto to say something. It took a while, but Haruka couldn’t blame him. It was a lot to take in all at once.

“...So he’s been avoiding you, basically?”

“Yeah.”

“Ah…” Makoto paused again, but Haruka could hear faint humming coming from the other side. “This must be something really hard for him… You knowing, and all. You said he looked scared, didn’t you?”

“Terrified…”

“Mm… I wish I could do something to help, but really, this is all up to you, Haru. You’re not going to stop trying, are you?”

When Haruka didn’t answer the question, not wanting to admit that he had been considering, he heard Makoto heave out a sigh. Drawing his lips into a thin line, he waited for whatever his friend was going to say.

“Haru, Rin is someone important to you… It may just be me, but I don’t think it’s right to give up so easily. Things like this aren’t something you can run from.”

...Running, huh. That was all he seemed to know how to do anymore. Boxing up his troubles and storing them away for some other day… His heart ached and he rolled onto his side, pulling his knees up to his chest, trying to think of what to say in return.

“...It’s difficult, and annoying, and troublesome,” he started, voice tiny and weak. “I don’t get what Rin is thinking. But I don’t want to… I don’t want to lose him, either.”

“Yeah.” He could hear the smile in Makoto’s voice. “I agree. I think you can handle this, Haru. I’ll be rooting for you.”

“...You don’t have to be my cheerleader.”

“I’m not!”

Chatting for just a bit longer, wanting to catch up on less heavier topics, Haruka hung up with a smile on his lips. His spirits felt like they had been lifted, and he sent a message to Amakata, telling her that he wouldn’t able to make it to class the next day. He had big plans. 

\--

Waking as early as possible, Haruka headed for the station, grabbing one of the morning trains. His heart was pounding from what he guessed was nerves, but he wasn’t going to let that stop him. There was no way he was going back. When he arrived in Yokohama, he marched off into the city with two places clear in his mind. If Rin wasn’t at either, he wasn’t sure where else he would go, but he wasn’t going to give up this time.

His first stop was the convenience store, thankfully open when he managed to find his way there. A bell above the door dinged as he went in, and he immediately recognized Sousuke standing behind the counter, looking like he was ready to nod off at any moment. He welcomed Haruka, and Haruka nodded in acknowledgement, going up to him with his brows furrowed.

Pausing before speaking, he lowered his gaze, then met Sousuke’s eyes. “Where’s Rin.” There was no use in beating around the bush. He had waited too long. “You’re Yamazaki, right? You should know.”

Obviously taken aback, his mouth hanging slightly open, Sousuke narrowed his eyes and leaned forward on the counter. “Who wants to know.” 

“Nanase Haruka.”

“Oh.” His expression immediately softened and he backed off with a sigh, glancing at the clock on the wall before looking back to Haruka. “So you’re Nanase. Rin talks about you a lot.”

“...I’ve heard.”

Sousuke gave him a once over, and Haruka felt a bit tiny under his stare, but shook the feeling off as the man continued. “Well… He _did_ talk about you, but he hasn’t said much of _anything_ lately. You know why?”

Frowning at that new bit of information, Haruka lowered his gaze, his stomach curling. It was one thing that Rin wasn’t talking to him, but for him to not talk to _Sousuke_ , someone he seemed to think so highly of… Someone he trusted so much… It wasn’t right.

“No, I--” ...What was the use in lying over this? “I… I might know.”

Sousuke nodded. “Go on.”

Haruka drew his lips into a thin line, not sure if it was alright to tell Sousuke or not, but… He had no other choice. “I… I found out that he’s gay.”

“...And?”

Sousuke’s response relieved Haruka and made his chest feel lighter. He lifted his gaze, meeting the man’s eyes. “That’s it.”

“I see. Did you say anything that upset him?”

“I didn’t get the chance to say anything. He ran off before we could talk.”

At first, Sousuke said nothing, but a snort shortly followed. Haruka didn’t know what was so funny, but before he could ask, Sousuke was rubbing the back of his neck and shaking his head. 

“Ahh… That’s just like him, isn’t it…”

“...What?”

“Nothing.” Waving it off, though Haruka still wanted answers for his unanswered question, Sousuke looked to him with brows drawn together. “What makes you think he’ll want to talk about it now?”

It was a point that Haruka hadn’t wanted to bring up. Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, he grunted. “I figure he won’t.”

“You’re probably right.” Taking his phone out, Sousuke tapped at the screen a few times before he came out from behind the counter. Digging in one of the freezers, he grabbed two drinks, handing them both to Haruka. Cola and a bottle of water. “He’s still at his studio. I told him I was coming, but… You can take my place. You know the way there?”

Grasping the two bottles in his hand, Haruka avoided Sousuke’s eyes, sheepish and grateful all at once. He didn’t know this man, so he didn’t know how he could repay him, but… “Yeah. Thank you.”

“Mm. Just try not to upset him more, okay? It isn’t easy, having to live with how mopey he can be.” Smiling to himself, Sousuke glanced at Haruka. “You probably know that his real smile is better than a fake one.”

Nodding softly, Haruka turned away, putting the drinks into his shoulder bag. For him, Rin’s smile was a source of warmth that no one else could make him feel. It was beautiful, pure… Judging by Sousuke’s words, he supposed he wasn’t the only one who thought that.

Before he could leave the store, Sousuke called out to him, making him stop. Peering back at him, Haruka waited, though Sousuke didn’t speak immediately. “...You’re important to him, you know.”

His chest tightened, his heart fluttering, and he gave a small nod. “He’s… He’s important to me, too.”

“Good. He should be.”

As he left the store behind, Haruka paused at the corner, letting a car pass by. He took in a short breath, putting a hand on his chest. Sousuke seemed like someone who was rough around the edges, but from what Haruka could tell… Well, he was kind enough. Maybe someday, they could speak to each other in a less heavy situation, a time when Rin wasn’t the only person on his mind.

The walk to the studio was a short one, Haruka managing to not lose his way. He lingered at the door, his hand hovering over the handle, but he pulled away to lean against the wall instead, trying to calm his heart down. It surely wasn’t healthy for it to be beating so fast… 

Waltzing in wasn’t right. He hadn’t planned even one thing to say, all the words he had thought of before jumbling up in his mind as the reality set in. If he were to do something that would accidentally upset or offend Rin… They’d be right back to square one. 

Right now, his first and foremost goal was to get _out_ of square one.

Rin was far more important than his fears and shortcomings. He wouldn’t run away from this. Repeating that to himself, he stood straight and took in a deep breath before he entered the building. After a quick glance around, he found that Rin wasn’t in the front room.

Captured again by the beauty of the glass sculptures, Haruka lingered for mere moments before he went to the back room. He couldn’t get distracted. Not bothering with knocking, he quietly opened the door, immediately being blasted with a heat that hadn’t been present before.

Standing in front of the furnace with safety glasses covering his eyes, Rin gathered what Haruka guessed was molten glass onto a pipe, turning it round and round in his hands. He was totally focused, not even noticing Haruka’s presence in the room. Knowing how hard it could be to get his attention when he was concentrated, Haruka stepped back, leaning against the door with his heart racing. He’d probably need the support, just for a little while. 

It had been weeks since they had last seen each other, and Haruka hated how… How _odd_ it felt. He was relieved, of course, because Rin looked the same as always. Underneath that relief, though, was a sense of dread. All Haruka could do was watch him work, not once announcing his arrival. He knew that Rin wouldn’t even hear him if he did. Selective hearing, he supposed.

The silence in the room was deafening. The ringing in Haruka’s ears made his heart clench, and he went through the steps in his mind again and again. Still, no matter what he did, he couldn’t think of what to say, what to start with. He had never been good at expressing how he felt, and this really felt like the worst situation for him.

When Rin finally turned, he yelped, nearly jumping out of his skin as he stumbled backwards. After gathering himself, his eyes wide in shock, he realized who it was and scowled, clenching his teeth. Haruka froze, a chill running up his spine. Rin had never looked at him in such a way before. It was awful. 

After he closed the furnace, Rin took the glass and stored it away, removing his glasses right after. Looking to the floor, he didn’t say anything immediately, an uncomfortable silence surrounding them.

“...What are you here for.”

The way he spoke was harsh, cold, and it was easy to see the aggravation on his features. Haruka’s stomach turned, and he felt short on breath, but he couldn’t just go back now. Moving forward, he shoved the cola into Rin’s hand and backed away, eyes on the floor and voice small. “Yamazaki let me bring that to you.”

Staring at the bottle in his hand, Rin clicked his tongue before he pursed his lips. “That so.”

He was very obviously not in the mood for conversation. Biting down on his lower lip, Haruka peeked up at Rin, staying silent, his heart pounding in his ears. He couldn’t afford to be so nervous, not when Rin was right in front of him. His purpose was to let Rin know he had nothing to worry about. He had to tell him.

“Rin--”

“Don’t say anything.”

“...Huh?”

“I’ve heard it all, and I’m sick of it. If you want to tell me I’m gross, I already know, so just go ahead and leave.” 

Brushing past Haruka and going to the front room, he dug his keys out from his pocket. Haruka followed close behind, and his heart jumped when Rin glanced back at him. His eyes were sharp and made Haruka’s blood feel cold, but in the corners of them, tears were beginning to form. 

That wasn’t what Haruka had wanted. He hadn’t wanted Rin to cry-- He just wanted to _talk_ , that was all. 

“...Oh, pardon me,” Rin continued, his voice straining. “I should give you a fair chance to speak, right? So hurry up and say it, if you’re going to. I’m done here today. I want to go home.”

“Rin--”

“Would you just _say_ it already? Tell me I’m gross, disgusting… I don’t care, just _something_.” He breathed out, his hands trembling. “If you can think of a new insult, props to you, then.”

“ _Rin_.” 

“Just _go!_ ” His voice echoed in the room, the volume stinging Haruka’s ears and heart, and silence was upon them again. Rin’s breathing was heavy as he turned his back to Haruka, white knuckled fists at his side. “Haru, I’m serious… Please, just go…”

“Rin…”

He was ignored, but Rin didn’t move from his spot. Calling out his name again and again, the nerves that Haruka had felt, the way his stomach had ached, anything that was holding him back, began to fade. He wasn’t going to give up on this. He wasn’t giving up on Rin.

“Rin. I’m not leaving.”

Again, no response. Gritting his teeth, Haruka repeated his words, but Rin just turned his head further to the side. Irritation welled up in the pit of Haruka’s stomach, and he tried once more, but to no avail.

...Enough was enough. His own hands curling up into fists, Haruka moved forward, grabbing Rin’s arm and forcing him to turn until they were face to face. Rin’s breath hitched as he tried to pull away from Haruka’s grasp, the tears beginning to spill over as he struggled against him.

“ _Let go_ \--”

“Rin, just _listen_ to me.”

“No! I’ve already told you, I’ve heard it! I know what you’re going to say, so just leave me alone!”

His words put a fire in Haruka’s heart, one that aggravated him. There was no way Rin could be positive about what Haruka was thinking. He had no idea, and he was just being stupidly stubborn about it. Tightening his grip on Rin’s arms, Haruka pulled him closer, eyes narrowed. 

“Why do you keep _doing_ that?” he started, voice low at first. As he watched Rin’s expression turn to one of confusion, another spark lit within him, encouraged him to keep going. “You keep selling me short, Rin. Do you trust me that little? Do you _really_ think I would call you gross? You’re my _friend_ \--”

“And so what?” Rin’s voice cracked as he spoke, a bitter laugh leaving him as he stopped struggling, slumping against Haruka. “Why _should_ I trust you? You don’t know how many people I’ve trusted in the past, only to have them turn their backs on me! Don’t blame me for selling you short! It’s the only thing I can do now!” 

After he finished speaking, he went quiet, a sob leaving him shortly after. It was a pathetic noise that was filled with a sense of desperation and sorrow that reverberated in Haruka’s heart. Rin’s whole body shook, and he reached up with trembling hands to try and wipe the tears away, his lashes sticking together as they kept spilling down his cheeks. His breathing grew shallow, and as if holding onto some sort of last resort, he shoved Haruka way from him. 

Stumbling backwards, Haruka bumped against one of the tables, his heart stalling when he heard glass shatter from behind him. Regaining his footing, he didn’t have the time to turn his head, Rin moving forward and balling his hands up into the fabric of Haruka’s shirt. His head was bowed, resting against Haruka’s chest as he weeped softly. 

Haruka stood still and listened, time feeling like it was stopping all around him. He didn’t have the courage to look down at Rin. His chest hurt, and a horrible lump had lodged itself in his throat. His hands hung at his sides, unsure of where to go. All he could do was wait, and that alone made him feel pathetic, useless… Weak.

Rin’s words repeated themselves in his mind. _“You don’t know how many people I’ve trusted in the past, only to have them turn their backs on me!”_ He didn’t know what Rin meant, he didn’t know if he even wanted to find out anymore. He didn’t want to bear the weight of what Rin would say, because he knew that it wouldn’t be good.

His hands opened and closed a few times, and slowly he lifted them to Rin’s shoulders, giving a light shake. Rin wilted at his touch, taking in a long breath as he shook his head. Haruka’s mouth felt dry, and he swallowed thickly, finally looking down to the other.

“Rin--”

“You don’t know _anything_ about this shit, Haru.” Rin’s glossy eyes met Haruka’s as he weakly glared up at him. His voice was a mere whisper. “You would _never_ know how it feels, alright? Don’t even try to get angry with me. It isn’t about trust. It’s about personal defense. I’ve been through this too many times already. I’m not willing to do it again.”

On the last word, he sobbed again. What he said twisted into Haruka like a knife, filling him with shame. Rin was right, he was absolutely right. Haruka had no idea what he had been through, what kinds of challenges he had faced, and he would _never_ be able to understand them fully. He should have known that, he should have been more sensitive, but there he was, trying to tell Rin to throw his experiences and fears away like they were nothing, all because Haruka wanted to feel like a better, more righteous person.

How _selfish_. 

Letting Rin step away, his eyes bloodshot and face damp with tears, Haruka looked down to the floor, his stomach lurching. He knew it was selfish, he knew that Rin just wanted him to leave, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t lose Rin, not now, not ever. Biting down on his lower lip, almost hard enough to draw blood, Haruka lifted his chin and reached forward, cupping Rin’s cheek.

Rin understandably flinched at the unwarranted touch, but he didn’t pull away, only staring at Haruka with wide eyes. Haruka couldn’t look at him straight on, the guilt still resting heavy on his shoulders, but he knew he had to say _something_. 

“Rin.” His voice was as tiny as he felt. “You’re right. I don’t know anything. I’m sorry.” Stepping forward, he leaned his head against Rin’s shoulder, trying to swallow back the lump that kept burdening him. “Please, tell me.”

“...What?”

Shaking his head, Haruka moved both hands to grasp at the hem of Rin’s shirt, and he took in a short breath. “You don’t have to.” He didn’t want to make Rin relive painful memories, no matter how desperate he was. “I won’t make you. I want to know, but--”

He stopped himself, barely lifting his head, his eyes full of desperation. When Rin didn’t say anything to him, he stepped away, giving a small apology. It wasn’t going to work out, it was hopeless. He had tried, and nothing had come of it. He had lost Rin--

“Fine.”

Haruka jolted, meeting Rin’s gaze with his lips parted. Rin stared back, then wiped away the last of his tears, letting out a sigh. Waiting for Rin to continue, Haruka prompted him weakly, stepping closer.

“What?”

Hesitating, Rin lowered his head, shoving his hands into his pockets. 

“...I’ll talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed, and if you did, please leave kudos or comments! They're very appreciated, and helped to spur me on.  
> (Once again, big thanks to Tonkatsu, Mic, and Sarah!)


	3. Chapter 3

Clouds and seagulls drifted overhead of the people who mingled together outside, the sky a comforting and rich blue color. With a low whistle, a salty breeze would pass by every so often, gently caressing the cheeks of those it touched.

It was a clear day, perfect even, but the air had never felt heavier.

Haruka stayed behind Rin-- whose stride had noticeably quickened-- as they walked through the streets. Not saying a word, he focused his gaze on the back of Rin’s head, wispy strands of hair illuminated by the sun. The tension was suffocating, and even though Rin’s hands were shoved into his pockets, Haruka could still make out the outlines of fists. Rin was nervous, very much so, and with good reason.

_I’ll talk_ , he had said. Hearing those words had made Haruka feel wholly better, but there was still a sense of dread that was threaded between them that weighed him down. The possibility of something going wrong still hung over his head like an axe waiting to strike. Even if he tried to prevent it-- He couldn’t be certain. Just because Rin was going to talk to him… That didn’t mean that everything was just magically settled.

Still, though. The fact that Rin was willing to face it with him instead of running away made Haruka feel just a bit of happiness.

They left the quiet neighborhood, Haruka unintentionally moving closer to Rin as they came upon a larger, busier part of the city, the tall buildings casting shadows that seemed to spread on forever. Clutching his shoulderbag closer to his chest, he followed each turn that Rin made, amazed that he knew his way so well. Even after having lived in Tokyo for five years now, he still found himself getting mixed up in different parts of the vast city.

They stopped when they reached a café, an oddly quiet spot compared to the bustling whirr of the city outside it. The place was mostly empty, and a soft tune played throughout, helping to slightly calm Haruka’s racing heart. Rin had chosen a good spot.

For a few minutes, he sat alone at a table near the window, staring at his reflection in the tinted glass. When Rin returned, he would begin whatever he had to say, and Haruka felt that he knew what to expect. His stomach flipped as he looked to where Rin stood in line, his lips tightening as an awful anticipation ate away at him.

No matter what Rin had to say, no matter how things turned out between them, he’d listen. 

It wasn’t much longer before Rin came back and took a seat, two cups of coffee in hand. Haruka accepted his with a quiet _“thank you”_ and watched as Rin settled into his chair. He didn’t speak immediately, and Haruka didn’t try to prompt him, a little glad for the silence. It gave him time to at least prepare, even if it wasn’t by much. Besides, he wanted for Rin to go at his own pace.

Rin was obviously struggling, though. Every few moments, he would part his lips, then close them again with a low grunt coming from his throat. He’d take a sip of his drink, meet Haruka’s eyes, and his gaze would leave just seconds later, landing elsewhere in the room. Haruka didn’t mean to stare, and he could tell that Rin could feel the weight of his gaze, but waiting was becoming difficult.

“...Rin?”

“Sorry.” Taking in a long breath, Rin gave a light smack to his cheeks before looking back to Haruka. His eyes were serious, intense, and Haruka didn’t think that this was a good time to find them absolutely stunning. However, compared to that, Rin’s body said something different. Hands folded in his lap, he chewed on his lower lip, then started, “I guess I figured it out when I was around eleven, maybe. I thought there was something wrong with me. I wanted to tell someone, but honestly, I was afraid they would think I was some kind of freak.

“For a while, I decided to just… Ignore it. I mean, that obviously didn’t work, and I ended up feeling worse and worse because of that… And of course, that was around the age a lot of us were hitting puberty, you know? My friends were busying themselves with admiring girls, talking about who they wanted to date and how excited they were… I tried to join in, but it didn’t work. I just didn’t feel the same. They asked me why, and I told them that it didn’t seem so great.” He paused with a bitter laugh. “Things would have been so much easier if I had just kept up the act, but I felt like a liar. It wasn’t right.”

Tight-lipped and totally silent, Haruka listened carefully to each and every word of what Rin had to say. He knew he wouldn’t like it-- Of course he wouldn’t. And not being able to understand just how Rin felt as a child, not being able to empathize… It was ridiculous, but a pool of guilt nestled within him. 

“After I turned twelve and left elementary school, we moved to Australia. I think, there… Well, it was a long time ago, but I think I felt more… Accepted? Less strange, I guess. I saw news reports on the television, and read articles in the newspaper… It wasn’t perfect, sure, but…”

Rin trailed off and looked to the side, eyes narrowing as he took a few moments to think about his words. 

“It’s just, there, people were more open about it, and it was easier to talk about. I still didn’t tell anyone about myself, but I wasn’t ashamed, either. I ended up asking my mom a lot of questions, and when we left Australia… I guess I was more confident in who I was.” He snorted, looking back to Haruka and placing his chin in the palm of his hand. “And, I have to say, I got pretty good at English, too.”

“That so?”

Rin blinked his eyes down. “Yeah,” he mumbled before taking another sip of his coffee. He didn’t speak again for a little over a minute, and Haruka had to look away for a little bit as well, staring out the window as he waited. Perhaps Rin was just trying to piece the memories back together, perhaps he was just avoiding continuing.

“...We moved back to Osaka after that. About halfway through my first year of high school, I had more or less come to terms with it. I still hadn’t told anyone, but… I wasn’t beating myself up over it anymore, and I considered that a huge step.

“The next step, though, is one I still regret… Telling my friends. It was so stupid of me…I thought that they would accept me, that nothing would change, but--” Cutting himself off with a drawn-out sigh, he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes tightly, little lines appearing under his lashes. “I don’t really like talking about this part.”

Haruka’s throat tightened, and his mouth went dry. “You don’t have to,” he said quickly, not giving his words a single thought. There was a small plea in his voice, as if he were almost begging for Rin to stop. His heart fell as soon as the words left him, though. He wanted Rin to continue, but… He figured that he probably already knew what would come next, and he wasn’t sure if he could handle listening to Rin tell him. “I’m sorry for making you talk about it this much.”

Conflicting feelings of plenty clashed together in his heart and head, and he lowered his gaze to the white knuckled fists that lay in his lap, only then realizing that his hands had been sweaty, shaking. Knitting his brows together, the pool of guilt within him continued to grow until it was a tidal wave coursing through his veins, but a sudden kick to his ankle made him jump.

Eyes flying back up to Rin again, whose own eyes were narrowed, he said nothing, but wilted under the stare.

“What’s with that?” Rin asked quietly. “You’re just going to let me stop after you wanted to know so badly? I’ve already started, so don’t make it all for nothing…”

At first, Haruka said nothing, the storm in him calming just a bit. He swallowed, unclenched his hands, and ducked his head. “Do what you want.”

Rin seemed troubled at the weak answer, and he clicked his tongue, running his fingers through his hair in what Haruka assumed was a silent frustration. As he leaned forward against the table, the strands fell back into their place, framing his cheeks and barely shielding his eyes.

“Well. It went as one would expect, I suppose. One of them told me I was gross, another used disgusting and a few other… Choice words. The last one said he wouldn’t tell anyone, and he made the other two promise as well, but he wasn’t comfortable being around me after that. I told them that I understood, that it was fine, and went home. That night, I, uh… I cried myself to sleep.”

A twinge of pain pierced Haruka’s chest, Rin’s words ringing in his ears. He drew his lips into a thin line, and despite not wanting to, he began to wonder. Just… Just how would he himself have reacted back then? Would he have been the same? Would he have been the only one to stick by Rin’s side? 

He asked himself that, and the fact that he couldn’t answer was more terrifying than anything he had ever experienced before. His stomach twisted painfully, a cold sweat of shame broke out on his body, and his throat tightened again. Sure, he would have liked to have believed that he would have been the better person, that he would have understood, but… He was younger back then. Naive.

...Rin was his friend, though. No matter what.

Repeating that to himself, Haruka began to wish that he had been there. Thinking of Rin having to deal with the rejection from his “friends” without anyone to tell made his heart ache. If he had been there… It could have been like when they were kids. Rin getting a scraped knee and Haruka putting a bandage over it, wiping his tears away, and the both of them moving on.

This was _so_ much larger than a scraped knee, though. Haruka knew that, and he knew that a simple bandage wouldn’t have healed anything. It still wouldn’t. 

“They kept that promise for a while. Despite myself, I was impressed, even thankful to them.”

Haruka tensed, confusion overtaking any other thoughts he had. He couldn’t even begin to fathom how Rin could _ever_ be thankful to the people who hurt him so badly. People who had made him cry, made him feel worthless… If he were being honest, he would have preferred that Rin punched their lights out, instead.

“I mean, being thankful didn’t stop me from hurting, obviously. I felt really alone all of a sudden… No one to talk to, no one to eat lunch with, no one to walk home with… I was… I was really sad at that time. Mom and Gou picked up on it easily, but I even ended up shutting them out, too. I was afraid that they would do the same thing. And then, I would _really_ have no one.

His voice strained and he had to pause for a moment with a short apology, shaking his head as he rubbed at his eyes with the back of his wrist. Haruka watched with a heavy frown, wishing that there was something more he could do, but he knew there was nothing. Then, Rin sighed, and continued. He sounded exhausted.

“I was an awful son and brother to them… I yelled and I cursed and I locked myself away in my room, only to turn right around and put on this fake smile and tell them that everything was fine, that I was fine. I lied on a daily basis, just so I could keep them from worrying about me. They had their own troubles. I didn’t want to be one of them.

“But… There _was_ one person I talked to, though I’m positive that he wasn’t listening. I only did it when I was alone, but I would start speaking to Dad. I’d tell him everything. What was troubling me, what my worries were, how hard it was to get through a single day without wanting to cry… It was silly, but I even asked if he would be proud of me. If he had been alive, I would have never said a thing. You can’t be judged by a dead man, though. That’s what I told myself.

“It only got worse when the new school year rolled around… Those guys decided they should let the truth about me be known, as if it were something ugly. I was already pretty down at that point. The awful notes, the whispering… They didn’t help. The stolen papers and books, too. I felt tormented. They’d pick fights with me, I’d bash their noses in against my better judgement, and we’d all end up getting in trouble. It was an endless cycle and I dealt with it for the entire year. Finally, I just closed in on myself and refused to talk to anyone, no matter who they were. Sounds pathetic, right?”

No, not at all. How Rin had felt was justified, understandable. Calling it pathetic wasn’t even remotely close to the truth. Haruka wanted to tell him that, to get his point across, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything, his mouth dry. The grip he had on his cup tightened until it left dents in the styrofoam, and he looked away from Rin, his teeth grinding together. It was best not to interrupt. 

“We moved again maybe a few weeks before the end of the school year. I had never been a huge fan of all the traveling we had to do, but I was fine this time around. The worst part of it was having to stand in front of my class and say goodbye. Everything felt so forced… My smile, my kind words that they didn’t deserve, my bow to thank them… Their applause, too. I felt sick, seeing some of those old friends put on these cocky grins that I wanted to wipe right off of them.

“Mom said the move would be a good change of pace for me, and I agreed, but I didn’t say it out loud. We went back to Yokohama and I started the new year, my last year, in the same class as Sousuke. Looking at us now… It’s weird to remember that I ended up shutting him out, too. No matter how much he tried to talk to me, I wouldn’t fold. I didn’t want him to know. I’d rather put a distance between us before he figured it out and left me, too.”

He paused again, a fond smile appearing as he looked down, staring into his cup with half-lidded eyes.

“One good thing about Sousuke; he’s persistent. Quiet, not very sociable, but persistent. And since he already knew me, he knew that my change in attitude wasn’t right. At one point, he even cornered me and demanded to know what was wrong, why I was acting so different from the sunshine and smiles kid I once was. I still didn’t want to give in, so I ended up kind of telling him off… And shoving him. After that, he gave me time, which I was really thankful for.

“For half a year, I stayed alone, even when my classmates tried to reach out to me. Group projects were a little weird because of that, but at least I did my part. Soon, they even became kind of fun… Without the shit I had to put up with at my school in Osaka, I started getting better, I think. After a while, I wasn’t so afraid to speak, joke around… I mean, I didn’t open up by a whole lot, but it was enough to where my teachers and family were relieved, at least.

“When Sousuke saw that I was… Well, acting more normal, he started in again and tried to talk to me. This time, I let him, and it was easy to pick up where we had left off on back in elementary school. He hadn’t changed much, and I guess… Well, I guess I hadn’t either. He didn’t ask me why I had been so upset when the school year started-- He didn’t try to hammer me with questions again. He took his time, and I was so glad.”

Hearing him say that made Haruka feel better. Knowing that Sousuke was kind and thoughtful was a relief, and knowing that he had been there for Rin… Haruka wished he could have done the same, but that was impossible. 

He was here now, though. Surely that counted for something.

“It was because he didn’t ask that I made the decision to tell him myself. It wasn’t easy, convincing myself to do it, but I knew I couldn’t just keep it from him forever. So, I told him near the end of the school year, thinking that if he was going to out me too, then at least we would be graduating soon and I wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences.

“He really surprised me, though… It was during lunch. I had asked him to eat with me somewhere more private, and he didn’t question the change of scenery. I told him I was gay, and then he said, “So what?”, and kept eating his lunch… I started crying after the shock passed, and he freaked out. It was hard to make me stop, too. Really, I was so happy.”

Stopping there, his lips stretched out in a broad grin, and he laughed softly as tears began to spring to the corners of his eyes again. The laugh was genuine, a look and sound that Haruka had deeply missed. It was easy to tell that, even after all the years that had passed, Rin was still relieved. His own chest warmed.

“And, you know, it turned out that he was kind of into guys, too. That made things way easier on me, and even if he didn’t say anything, I think he was glad that he finally had someone to tell, too. That was kind of a turning point… I stopped being so timid, and I started letting people in again. I still regret not doing that earlier, actually. I made a few good friends before graduation, and then we were all done.

“I told Mom and Gou before I moved into my own apartment. They didn’t seem surprised… I guess Gou had heard the rumors spreading around our schools. And when I told them, I started to cry again. I got a lot of hugs that day, and they told me over and over again just how much they loved me. I apologized for how I had acted towards them those past few years, and they said that they were just happy that I was happy...

“And then, I was living alone. Mom moved back to Osaka after Gou graduated, and Gou started attending a university in Hokkaido and living with Grandma. After a few years of staying by myself, I moved in with Sousuke, and now… Here I am.”

As he finished speaking, he took in a long, deep breath, putting his face in the palms of his hands before heaving out a sigh. There had been a lot to say, and Haruka was impressed at just how much Rin had been able to get out. He was brave, extremely so.

When Haruka didn’t immediately say anything, still letting each detail sink in, Rin looked to him with his brows knitted together.

“That’s all. Nothing else.”

“I know.” 

A silence befell them, both unsure of what to say next, wondering if there even _was_ anything to be said. Haruka couldn’t think of much, too focused on the story that played through his head again, not noticing that Rin had begun to fidget in his seat, uncomfortable with the lack of conversation. Finally, he stood, rubbing at the back of his neck and grabbing his empty cup off the table.

“You know, though…” He waited until his and Haruka’s eyes met. “In the end, I’m glad it all happened, regrets or not. I wouldn’t be… I wouldn’t be who I am right now. And I can’t imagine myself any other way.” Saying that, he looked away. “...I’ll be going home, then.”

Haruka’s heart jumped, and without thinking, he reached out, latching onto Rin’s wrist and keeping him there. Rin’s breath hitched, and Haruka could feel the pulse hidden under his fingers quicken. Rin looked down to where Haruka’s hand held him before lifting his head with confusion latent in his eyes. He wore a frown.

“Haru--”

“Rin.” Haruka interrupted and stood as well, not catching how his own voice trembled, but realizing he felt light-headed. “I’m sorry.”

“...For what?” 

“I… I shouldn’t have said that you were selling me short. I understand now.” Letting go of Rin, he tucked his hand behind his back, staring at the tiled floor. “I mean, I don’t understand. What you went through has never happened to me. But I’m sorry for saying you should trust me when I didn’t know--”

“This isn’t like you,” Rin cut in. Their eyes met, and Haruka found that Rin wore a weak, almost shy smile. “Or, at least… It’s been so long, so I guess I wouldn’t know anymore, but you never talked this much-- ...Thank you. I’m sorry, too. For yelling and getting upset like that. And for avoiding you, too.”

“...You shouldn’t have to apologize--”

“I am anyways. So accept it.”

Clamming up, Haruka felt his heart flutter when Rin grinned at him, his shoulder warm where Rin patted it. There was a pause before Rin gave a gentle, reassuring squeeze that somehow made Haruka feel better than he had in weeks. Stepping closer, just by a small bit, unsure of how much distance was enough, Haruka parted his lips. He felt like had to do _something_ more.

“Rin--”

“You don’t have to say anything else, Haru. It’s fine.” He paused, pursing his lips. “ _We’re_ fine. So don’t worry, okay?” 

Those words made a lump lodge itself in Haruka’s throat, and he had to turn his head away, nodding hesitantly before grabbing his own drink.

He followed Rin out of the café, watching his back as he trailed behind him. He felt lighter somehow, more at ease. Although his heartbeat was rapid, it wasn’t due to anxiety or stress or sadness. The words that Rin had shared with him in the café still echoed in his mind. Rin had been through a lot, too much for his age, and yet he had managed to keep his head held high. The fact that Rin was able to reach this point, that he hadn’t been broken by his past… It made Haruka’s chest swell with pride.

Rin was strong. 

Following him for a few more corners, Rin suddenly stopped, making Haruka jump when he ran into his back. Rin turned to him with a brow raised, his arms folding across his chest as he took a step away. “Uh, did you want to keep hanging out, or…?”

“Ah.” Haruka hadn’t even realized. He had done it without thinking. Looking away from Rin, he shoved his hands into his pockets, lips drawn into a thin line. “No. I can go home.”

“You don’t… You don’t _have_ to,” Rin mumbled, and even though he said that, the creeping sensation of a stiff atmosphere was forming around them like a thick and heavy fog. Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, he continued, “We can… We can go catch a movie or something…?”

Haruka couldn’t think of anything he wanted more. They’d been apart for so long-- Staying by Rin’s side was something he craved, but he knew that they weren’t quite there yet. He believed Rin when he said they were fine, but they still needed a little more time. Getting over the dispute… It wasn’t something that would resolve itself in just a day’s time.

“I’ll go home,” he answered finally, digging his phone out and checking the time. He could catch the next train back easily. “I’ll see you--”

“I’ll walk you to the station.” Rin was by his side a moment later, though his eyes were elsewhere.

“...You don’t have to.”

“But I _want_ to.” 

Haruka blinked his eyes wide, and felt his cheeks go warm. He hadn’t… Expected this. Rin ducked his head and began to walk off, though not without Haruka catching a glimpse of the tips of his ears that nearly matched the color of his hair. His heart skipped a beat, and he watched Rin go before remembering that he was supposed to be moving, too.

Being side by side… It was more comforting than he could even describe. They didn’t speak a word to each other, but that was fine. The tense air had left them, and Haruka knew that, in time, things would return to how they once were. 

For now, this was more than enough. He had missed Rin more than he had originally thought, and he just hoped he wouldn’t have to miss him again.

When the train pulled into the station, Haruka moved to board it, but paused in the middle of his stride to look back to Rin. Wearing a smile, Rin offered a small wave to send him off with, and Haruka found himself wishing that he wasn’t going home, that they were going to the theater together instead. He swallowed thickly and turned on an impulse, going back to Rin and wrapping his arms around him, curling his fingers into the fabric of Rin’s shirt.

Haruka knew that he was overstepping his boundaries, especially when he felt Rin stiffen in his hold. Crestfallen, he began to pull away with an embarrassed, quiet apology, but stopped when he felt Rin’s arms slowly, hesitantly lift around him. Rin returned the hug, and they both tightened their hold around each other. 

It was gentle. With how close they were to each other, Haruka could feel how Rin’s heart raced, and he was positive that his own was doing the same. There was no way of stopping it-- And he wouldn't want to, anyways.

When the embrace became a bit prolonged, Rin began to uncomfortably squirm in Haruka’s hold, patting his back a little harder than need be. He gave a light scolding, told Haruka that he would miss his train if he waited around any longer.

Pulling away was difficult, but Haruka smiled sheepishly at Rin. “For a while, you stopped hugging me goodbye--”

“I was afraid you would catch on.”

“I know. But it’s okay now, right?” In an act of bravery that he didn’t consider very like himself, he reached forward and gently cupped Rin’s cheeks, watching as his face bloomed into a brilliant red color that was akin to a setting sun. “Don’t hold back anymore, Rin. We’re fine.”

Being able to say it himself felt better than he thought it would. Getting it out in the open, letting Rin know that he felt the same, that there was absolutely no lie hidden in between the lines. No matter what, he would stay by Rin’s side. That would never change.

He felt Rin’s hand pressing against his chest, weakly pushing him away. Rin was already flustered as it was, the tears that hastily gathered in the corners of his eyes giving him away. He tried to hide them, blink them away, but Haruka saw everything, though he didn’t point it out, knowing that if he did, Rin’s embarrassment would just grow worse.

Even though Haruka couldn’t know for sure what emotions Rin was feeling, he wanted to believe that happiness was among them. That on some level, Rin’s mind was put at ease.

“I… I’ll call you later, so hurry up,” Rin muttered, the strain in his voice very prominent. “I _know_ we’re fine. I know, so--”

“See you later, Rin.”

Making it onto the train just as the doors were closing, Haruka turned to watch Rin through the small window. Rin was waving to him again, and Haruka waved back, the train beginning to move forward. Rin turned away as it did, but not before Haruka caught the radiant smile he wore.

\--

For around a week, texting was the only way they spoke to each other, Rin sometimes sending pictures of something new he had made. Each piece still served to stun Haruka, though there were times Rin would add in a message about how he wasn’t too fond of some. Haruka couldn’t understand, though; all he could see was sheer beauty.

When he wasn’t showing off his art, Rin would just send pictures of his surroundings, said surroundings sometimes featuring a blurry, cut off Sousuke. He’d make a witty comment about the photo, then not say anything until almost three hours later. He often complained about Haruka’s poor texting habits, but Haruka could easily make a similar jab at his. He didn’t, of course, replying as best he could to each message, not wanting to lose these little moments.

Keeping a safe distance, giving each other a little more time… It seemed to work wonders. Even if Rin wasn’t physically near him, just having those messages come in always helped to lighten Haruka’s mood. Knowing that they were getting better, knowing that Rin was getting comfortable again… It was slow, but Haruka knew that it would be worth the wait.

Then, one early morning, Rin arrived at the university. Haruka had expected just another day of work, but as soon as he entered the classroom, a few smiling faces looked his way and made his stomach twist, not enjoying the stares. One student beckoned him over, her voice low.

“Matsuoka-san is here~.”

He wasn’t sure what sort of expression he wore when she said that, but he figured it must have been something interesting, judging by her light giggle. His heart fluttered, and he couldn’t keep a smile from playing at his lips. He nodded and thanked her, then went to Amakata so they could begin the lesson.

Throughout his life, many had described Haruka as a patient person, someone who lived in the present and tended not to look to the future. He was never in a rush, and never in his time working there had he considered a day too slow. Of course Rin would be the one to change that.

During the class, he unintentionally fidgeted, glanced back and forth between the wall clock and his watch, just to see which one was faster. He wanted to hurry, he wanted to go to Rin, he wanted to be with him. When the lesson finally ended, Amakata didn’t make him stay much longer, wearing a knowing smile as she waved him off. He couldn’t even begin to thank her, instead opting to return the smile and leave the room.

Opening the door to his studio was an excitement he hadn’t known for a while. Rin sat in his usual spot, his hair tied back and a headband keeping his bangs out of his eyes. He chewed on his bottom lip, tapped his fingers against his knee in an off-rhythm beat, stared at the canvas placed in front of him. 

For a while, Haruka just stood and watched him, wanting to take the moment in. Finally, he called to Rin in a soft voice, and Rin jumped, startled by the sudden presence. He turned to Haruka with wide eyes.

And then he smiled. It was full and genuine, his teeth peeking through his slightly parted lips, and his cheeks flushed with a light shade of pink. That look alone made everything inside of Haruka feel warm, and he wanted nothing more than to freeze the moment in time-- A moment where everything felt right again.

After a quiet _“Welcome”_ from Rin, Haruka went to get started on the piece he had been working on, something that had lay unfinished for some time now. He hadn’t had the drive to do anything with it, but that day, there was a small fire in his heart that pushed him forward, his paint brush moving against the canvas in wide, bold strokes.

Rin’s presence there was something irreplaceable at this point. Even without doing anything, he brightened up the room, a place that they hadn’t shared in so long. Haruka had missed that feeling-- He had missed Rin.

It didn’t take long for them to settle back into a normal routine. Spending most of their day in Haruka’s studio, they’d go out for dinner or drinks right after, just as they had done before. Then, Haruka would see Rin off at the station, usually at later hours of the night. Haruka didn’t bother asking if he wanted to stay over at his place, almost positive that Rin would just say no. As much as they enjoyed spending time together, they still had their own lives. Aside from that, he knew Rin was still trying to keep them at a comfortable distance. Despite how both of them had reassured each other that things were fine, Rin still seemed worried, tense, as if he would scare Haruka off if he overstepped his boundaries.

For Haruka, it was aggravating. In the first place, he had never set any boundaries, so there was nothing that Rin could ever do that would make him feel uneasy. He wished that he could make Rin understand that, but he couldn’t so easily tell Rin about the promise he made to himself-- That he would stay at Rin’s side, no matter the circumstances, and that nothing could change that.

At those times, all he could remember was a word of advice that Makoto always said to him, as if he needed to be reminded; that he shouldn’t keep his frustrations bottled up, because then they would just end up getting worse. Haruka knew that, and he wasn’t even all that frustrated in the first place-- Just annoyed. Still, he supposed that it was something he needed to get off his chest.

For that, Kisumi was the only one available. He hadn’t meant for Kisumi to become the one he told his troubles to; it just happened on its own. Calling his friend for drinks, they’d sit together, Haruka vaguely talking about what was bothering him, listening to Kisumi hum his acknowledgement. If he was _really_ aggravated by something, though… Kisumi said it showed.

“I don’t know how much longer he’ll keep this up,” Haruka murmured against the rim of his glass, his brows drawn together, surely creating lines in his forehead. “We’re better, but I don’t think he realizes that he can’t chase me off... I would never leave him…”

Lucky for him, Kisumi was a surprisingly good listener, hardly ever interrupting when it was something serious that Haruka wanted to talk about it. This time, though, was different.

“So… You want to stay with Rin through thick and thin, right? You want to always be by his side?”

Haruka looked to him, immediately noticing that something was off. Kisumi wore an amused grin that reached to his ears, his chin resting in the palm of his hand as he waited for an answer. Haruka pursed his lips, not really understanding what Kisumi was so giddy about, but he still nodded. _Of course_ that was what he wanted.

“Yeah.”

“Haru… I didn’t know you were so _romantic_.” 

The words were like a fastball. Not once had such a thought ever crossed his mind, so for Kisumi to say it when he was just a bystander, someone on the outside looking in, someone who didn’t even know just how far Haruka’s feelings reached, every little thing Haruka had said to himself about Rin in the past suddenly became very… _Embarrassing_. If Rin had known, had been a mind reader, what would he have thought? What would he have said?

...Haruka didn’t want to know. He never wanted to know.

That he was embarrassed didn’t lessen how strongly he felt, though. The way Kisumi had put it had been very true; thick and thin, always together, those sorts of things. He would be there for Rin, and he knew that Rin would be there for him as well.

Haruka wasn’t sure if those sorts of ideals were romantic or not. He had never fallen in love, never dated-- He had only watched friends from the sidelines, and even now, he received wedding invitations from old high school and university friends. Said friends had encouraged him to try searching for someone special, but he had never been particularly interested. Despite that, he wasn’t against it. He just didn’t know where to start, or how.

Rin was probably different. He had surely dated before, and he surely knew what it was like to love someone. Against better judgement, Haruka began to catch himself wondering, just how many times had Rin fallen in and out of love…? Did he ever have the time to in the first place? How had he felt? Maybe Haruka was just jealous, since love and romance seemed like such foreign concepts to him.

...It wasn’t like it mattered, anyways. Haruka knew good and well what he had _actually_ meant, not what Kisumi had taken his words to be. Besides, thinking about harboring romantic feelings towards Rin when they had only _just_ patched their relationship back up was out of the question.

...But what about any other time? The future? 

Lowering his paint brush from the canvas, Haruka glared at the picture in front of him, his stomach twisting and his head beginning to ache. This wasn’t like him-- He didn’t let his imagination run wild. He never had before, so why now? Why were these unneeded thoughts about Rin affecting him so much--

His train of thought was interrupted by a loud vibration coming from the table beside him. Thankful for the distraction, he reached for his phone, opening the new message from Rin.

_Hey! Kisumi invited me out for drinks tonight. You have the time to join us? It’ll be fun~._

He had all the time in the world, but he wasn’t sure if going was actually a good idea. His head was in a tizzy, and even if he wanted to see Rin, he would have preferred when he was feeling like himself. He wanted to be able to enjoy the time they spent together and not be lost in his own thoughts.

...But Rin had invited him, and he didn’t want to refuse. There was no use in letting personal feelings and troubles get in the way of anything. Not again.

Having made up his mind, he tapped at the screen, giving Rin his agreement. Rin replied moments later with the time they’d meet up, and Haruka was already putting his things together. He was out the door shortly after, figuring that he could at least greet Rin at the station.

\--

Even if he didn’t say it out loud, Haruka really did enjoy spending time with Rin and Kisumi, but… Their little get-togethers always helped him to remember just how exhaustingly talkative the two men could be when they were together.

Sitting beside them, he nimbly sipped at his drink, the alcohol burning his throat as it went down and making him wish he had just gotten a glass of water instead. He didn’t cue in on their conversation, hearing something about a mutual friend of theirs that Haruka didn’t recognize the name of. He didn’t really care to find out, either. For most of their talk, he tuned out altogether, his mind constantly wandering back to his earlier thoughts.

He glanced at Rin only once, his gaze lingering for longer than he intended, because Rin seemed to have felt his stare, and he looked to him, wearing a smile. Haruka’s heart fluttered, and he cursed himself, having to look away.

It was all Kisumi’s fault that he was feeling this way, having these strange thoughts.

“Aw, what~? I want to go to Iwatobi, too~. I want to go see Makoto~.”

Kisumi’s whining grabbed Haruka’s attention, and he looked over to where the other man was shaking Rin, who didn’t make an effort to push him away. Instead, he laughed, simply leaning back and out of Kisumi’s hold.

“No way. Haru and I are already imposing enough on him. Right, Haru?”

At that, both pairs of eyes were on Haruka, and for a few moments, Haruka had no idea what they were going on about. All he could do was stare dumbly at them, making Rin purse his lips and lean in closer, his hand falling on Haruka’s shoulder. At the closeness, Haruka’s chest tightened.

“ _Right_ , Haru?” Rin continued, trying to get his point across. Then, he frowned, his brows knitting together. “Oh, no way… Don’t tell me you forgot about the trip to Iwatobi…”

The trip… Ah. 

Ashamed, Haruka said nothing and looked away, his own frown growing heavier. He had been so distracted that he had forgotten all about it… He had hardly even spared a glance at his calendar for the past few weeks.

“I-I didn’t--”

“You _did_ …”

He grimaced and put his lips to the rim of the glass, trying to hide his face and wishing he could just avoid the topic, not wanting to upset Rin. It was unavoidable, though. “It’s not like it’s _my_ fault,” he muttered. “I was busy because of a certain someone.”

He regretted saying it as soon as it had gotten out, because Rin fell silent, then clicked his tongue. Haruka didn’t look his way, but he heard his bar stool creak as it turned, and out of the corner of his eye, he could see Rin leaning against the counter with a small scowl. Rin didn’t say anything to refute Haruka’s words, and Kisumi stayed quiet as well, probably sensing the stiff atmosphere that hung over their heads.

Even though it was childish to act that way, Haruka knew that it didn’t change anything about how they felt about the trip. They were both still excited, and he was glad that they had managed to clear things up before the set date. They wouldn’t go back on their promise, even if it _had_ been nearly two decades.

“Ah, that reminds me,” Kisumi spoke, his chipper tone prompting them both to lift their heads. He wore a wide grin. “Rin, didn’t we have something we wanted to tell Haru about?”

“...Oh.” Catching on, Rin smiled with him, and looked to Haruka with his brows quirked up. “That’s right.”

That they both had a secret between them made Haruka’s stomach slowly begin to ache. Staring at them, he pursed his lips, waiting for something to be said. However, neither immediately spoke, nothing happening until Kisumi nudged Rin with his elbow.

“Wait, you want _me_ to tell him? It was _your_ idea!”

“There’s no way he would say yes to me, Rin! It has to be you!”

“Why would he say yes just because it’s me?!”

All Haruka could do was listen helplessly and watch the exchange with a growing sense of dread. Kisumi and Rin continued their vague banter for a little longer than necessary, and with how unwilling either of them seemed to be to tell him, he wasn’t sure if he actually even wanted to know.

“Hey--” Cutting in, he got their attention. “What are you two talking about…”

Kisumi immediately looked to Rin with pleading eyes, and though Rin tried his best to ignore it, he caved, heaving out a sigh and running his fingers through his hair. Turning back to Haruka, he wore a lopsided smile, looking unsure of himself.

“So, um… Next week, there’s a gallery--”

Ah. So that was it.

“No,” Haruka said, his tone firm. “I’m not submitting anything.”

Breathing out, Kisumi pouted. “I knew it…” 

Kisumi had grown used to this by now, Haruka was well aware, but the surprised and somewhat downtrodden look that Rin wore at the outright rejection made Haruka’s heart ache with a hint of guilt. He hadn’t meant to sound so brash about it, but he had just gotten tired of people trying to convince him over and over again. It wasn’t going to happen, so there was no point in humoring them.

After sharing a short glance with Kisumi, Rin leaned in closer to Haruka. “Okay, well… _I’m_ going to be submitting something, and I’d like to go look around at least, so… You’ll join me, right? And besides that, we can consider it a late birthday gift for you. So, please?”

Haruka didn’t want to fall victim to Rin’s hopeful stare, but it was a fruitless battle, as he ended up wilting under Rin’s gaze and having to look away. The grip on his glass tightened. He wasn’t terribly fond of art exhibits, but if going would make Rin happy… Well, he wanted to give Rin his utmost support. Finally, he gave a small nod, peeking at Rin just in time to catch that gorgeous smile of his.

Perhaps this wouldn’t be too bad after all.

\--

A week passed and he was in Yokohama again, stepping off the train and heading to where he knew Rin would be waiting for him. He was already there, smiling as Haruka approached and welcoming him as he always did. Haruka smiled lightly back.

“Thanks for coming,” Rin hummed, walking alongside Haruka. “It’s nice knowing I have a fan~.”

“A fan…” Once he repeated it, Haruka thought that the title didn’t sound too far off. He nodded once, meeting Rin’s eyes. “I suppose I am.”

As soon as Haruka said that, a red color began to creep up Rin’s neck before settling on his cheeks, and that was when Haruka realized it must have been a joke. He felt a little warm himself, and he looked away, a tiny smile on his lips. He had become awfully fond of Rin’s shy side.

“Th-thanks, then…” Trailing off, Rin looked up to the sky, then back to Haruka. “It’s a nice day out. Wanna go grab a bite to eat? We can go to that one place I took to you to before~. The one overlooking the bay?”

“What about the gallery?” 

“We can always go later. The place isn’t going to close the doors or anything.” 

The idea sounded good to Haruka. Nodding his agreement, he followed Rin through the city, shrugging off his jacket as the warm, humid weather began to grow worse. A light coating of sweat began to build on the back of his neck, and he was beginning to think that he’d rather not spend the day outside.

The meal they shared was a short, oddly quiet one. Even though Rin had been the one to invite Haruka, he spent most of the time wearing a solemn expression, his mind seemingly elsewhere as he stared out over the ocean waves. Haruka didn’t think it was very like him, but he didn’t say anything, instead focusing on cleaning his plate so they could get out of the sun and into somewhere air conditioned.

The walk to the gallery was the same as the meal, though. Rin hardly said a word, looked far off, his hands shoved into his pockets. Haruka glanced at him every so often, worry settling in his heart-- He didn’t like when Rin was like this, and he wasn’t sure what to say or do, either.

Reaching out slowly, he tugged at Rin’s sleeve, getting his attention. He paused before he spoke, their eyes meeting. “Are you okay?”

The question caught Rin off-guard, and they both stopped walking altogether. Silent for a moment, he then laughed softly, reaching a hand up to rub at the back of his neck, his gaze going elsewhere. “Ah… I’m just nervous, I guess.”

“Nervous?”

“Well… Yeah. Galleries and exhibits are important to me, so whenever I submit my art, I get excited and worried all at once. I don’t ever know what to expect, so I just always hope for the best, but…”

When he trailed off, Haruka felt a twinge of pain in his heart. He supposed that he could understand what Rin was saying; he had been there before, too. Actually, maybe he was _still_ there, despite how many times he tried to escape it all. Worrying the strap of his shoulderbag, he looked down before speaking.

“What you do is incredible. You shouldn’t worry too much.”

Haruka meant what he said, and he lifted his eyes slightly, just to see Rin’s reaction. There wasn’t much of one, save for a kind smile and an uncertain nod. A thank you followed right after, and then he was walking ahead again, making Haruka jog after him.

By the time they made it to the exhibit, it was already fairly busy, people filtering in and out of the rooms and the mild chatter creating a gentle hum throughout the building. Rin lingered near the entrance before looking to Haruka with a lopsided smile. “There’s a big turn out today, huh?”

“Yeah…”

The sight took him back to his first exhibit. The thrill of all those eyes staring at his work, the fear he felt with each passing glance. Not knowing what everyone was thinking was horrible, yet it also made his skin tingle and his blood run hot. Back then, it had been something exciting.

Those years had passed, though. The excitement he once felt had been replaced with a mixture of dread and pity for all the artists who had to experience those same lingering fears that gnawed away at them.

“Where’s the glass art--”

“Woah, woah.” Rin laughed, patting Haruka on the shoulder. “We don’t have to go there yet… Um, let’s look around the rest of the exhibit, okay? I have friends who submitted some stuff, so I’d like to see those~.”

Before Haruka could even get a reply out, Rin began weeding himself into the crowd, giving Haruka no choice but to follow. Hurrying to catch up, Haruka gave him a weak glare, but Rin just wore an innocent smile. Haruka figured he couldn’t be annoyed with a face like that for too long.

Going through the rooms, they stayed close to each other, pausing occasionally when Rin sparked up conversations with people he knew, or to admire a piece of art that was on display. For most of it, Haruka kept his head low, his eyes on the floor. The last time he had gone to an exhibit, he was uncomfortable, tense, and it was the same this time, too. He just hoped that Rin didn’t notice-- He had been the one to ask Haruka, and Haruka didn’t want to ruin it for him just because he felt pathetic.

So, he continued to ignore what everyone else admired, but sooner than later, he began to fail, unable to keep his eyes from wandering. When Rin pointed something out, he’d give it a glance, nod and say it was nice, but then he’d opt for a longer look at it. Usually, what he saw wasn’t just nice; it was incredible. Water colors, oil paintings, black and white sketches that held more depth than he could imagine… Each piece took on a new form, and he thought that whoever the artists were must have been proud.

He only wished he could have felt the same.

As they went further, his gaze locked on one painting; the scenery of a mountain scape spread out on the canvas, the snow white tips of the cliffs a severe contrast from the bright blue sky that lay behind them. The crags and bumps were fully detailed, the patches of broken rock visible in the picture. It was lovely, and he felt his heart begin to sink into his stomach. Rin made a comment on it, one that Haruka didn’t catch. He couldn’t think of anything to say himself, clutching the strap of his bag tighter.

“Haru.” His name being called made Haruka jump, and he looked to Rin. “You’re staring at it really hard. Do you like it that much?”

He nodded, lips pursed. “It’s well done. The artist must have put a lot of time into into it… It’s something they should be proud of.”

At first, Rin was silent, Haruka not noticing as he continued to stare at the painting. Then, Rin spoke again, his tone quiet, reserved. 

“What about you?”

Haruka heard the question, but he couldn’t understand it. Looking back to Rin, he found that he was staring at him with furrowed brows and his lips drawn into a thin line. Haruka wore the same expression. “What?”

“What about you?” Rin repeated. “Are you proud of what _you_ do?”

...Just what had brought this up? Tilting his head, Haruka let Rin’s question repeat itself a few more times in his mind before he spoke again. “I don’t--”

“When I first visited your studio, you asked me if I thought your works were dull. When I asked you if you thought that yourself, you said you didn’t know. But what about now? Do you still think they’re dull?” He paused and looked away, his voice growing quieter. “Do you even _have_ an opinion?”

As Rin’s questions came one after the other, Haruka’s heart began to race, and he felt light-headed. All he could do was stare dumbly, hating that he couldn’t come up with an answer. His mind was blank, and he looked to the floor, memories of old words that had become so hauntingly familiar beginning to filter in.

Dull. Lifeless. Boring. That was what he had heard others say. Surely that was all true-- It was all he could allow himself to think.

And even if he didn’t want to think that way, he couldn’t help himself. After all, it was his fault that he wasn’t good enough. It was his fault that he’d become a shell of an artist. Those weren’t the opinions he wanted of himself, but what else could he think?

Licking his lips and lifting his head, his voice caught in his throat as he readied himself to speak, ask just what kind of business Rin had questioning him in such a way. Before he could start, though, a distant sob reached his ears, and all words were gone.

Turning his head to the left, then to the right, he listened again before looking back to Rin. It seemed he hadn’t heard it himself, judging by the confused look he wore.

“...Did you not hear that--”

“Haru, are you trying to change the subject--”

“No, I heard something.” 

He turned away from Rin and promptly marched off into the crowd, barely catching Rin’s heavy sigh as he began to follow behind with a complaint or two muttered under his breath. Another minute passed before he heard the noise again, a bit closer this time around, and he continued to follow it. Rin voiced a protest, but Haruka ignored him.

From that room, they entered an empty hallway, the sobs clearer now as they reverberated off the close walls. Haruka felt Rin bump into him from behind before he paused, making Haruka peek back at him with a raised brow. 

“You hear it now?”

“...Yeah…” 

By all means, the moment could have turned into a horror story, but there was nothing eerie-feeling about it. Another sob sounded, causing both to turn their heads. The hallway was dimly lit, and shadows gathered in the corners close to the end. In that dark, hardly noticeable space, a person sat with their knees pulled up to their chest and their face in their hands. Their entire body trembled violently, and from how strained their cries were, it was apparent that they were trying to hold them in.

Haruka couldn’t keep himself from staring, his heart beginning to ache with pity for the person. He had no idea what was wrong, but the way they wept wasn’t easy to watch. Swallowing thickly, he turned to look at Rin, whose eyes were narrowed into slits as though he were trying to get a better look.

“Ah…” His voice was low, turning into a whisper as he stepped closer to Haruka. He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as his shoulders slumped. “Poor guy… Probably just got the critique of his life… I remember him saying that he was going to enter--”

“You know him?”

“He was an underclassman of mine at one point. His name is Ai… He works with oil paints, and he’s not bad at it, either, but…” Trailing off, Rin pursed his lips. “He didn’t seem very confident in what he was submitting… I don’t think his opinion of it was very high, but his hopes definitely were.”

Haruka’s gaze lingered on Rin for a moment, but then he looked to the sobbing man once again, watching as Ai lifted his head and wiped at his eyes with his palms. He hadn’t noticed their presence. Haruka couldn’t be sure of what Ai had been told, but he felt that he could at least understand what he was going through in that moment. It wasn’t easy-- It was _never_ easy.

Then, Rin spoke.

“He’ll be fine.”

The statement caught Haruka off guard, and he didn’t get the chance to say anything back, for Rin had already turned to leave the hallway. Hesitating, Haruka followed close behind, his stomach twisting with worry. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I am. Ai’s a strong guy… And besides, he had a fire in his eyes. He’s determined to prove whoever got him down wrong. Whatever they said… He’s going to use it as a step forward.”

What Rin said helped Haruka to settle down, though he still found himself a bit uneasy, unsure. It wasn’t like he knew Ai personally, and he doubted he ever would, but… He still hoped for the best for the fellow artist.

Following Rin aimlessly for a minute, they both stopped in the middle of one of the rooms, Rin humming. “Well… How about we go check out the glass art now? I’d like to see what everyone else has done.”

The offer sounded like a nice change. Nodding, they made their way to the display room, it being fairly empty save for a few people and all the figurines and sculptures that lay inside. Just as he had before, Haruka found it beautiful, but then his thoughts travelled back to Rin’s studio. 

All the works were gorgeous, but to him, everything Rin had made was far more beautiful than anything else he saw.

He didn’t say that, though. He had already expressed to Rin that he was a big fan. Moving away from his friend, he began to admire all the sculptures that glittered in the flattering lighting. Rin gave a low whistle, and he whispered something about major competition. Haruka supposed he was right, but he also believed that Rin didn’t have a thing to worry about.

Keeping his hands close to his body, he kneeled down in front of one of the cases, peeking out of the corner of his eye when Rin came to stand by him. Turning his attention back to the sculptures, he hummed before standing straight again, curiously looking to Rin.

“So? Where is yours?”

“Ah, mine…?” Fidgeting, he scratched at the back of his neck and glanced around before putting on a smile. “Where do _you_ think it is?”

“...Seriously?”

All Rin did was wave his hand as a way of encouraging Haruka, and Haruka only sighed, beginning to search the room. There were many, _many_ pieces, so he had no idea just how Rin expected him to find anything.

Actually, that was probably just it. He _didn’t_ expect Haruka to find it.

“Do I get a hint?”

Crossing his arms over his chest, Rin hummed before answering. “Okay. It has to do with water.”

“...Right.”

Apparently, guessing games with Rin weren’t exactly fun, nor easy. Sighing again, he continued in his useless search, leaning over to examine each piece of work closely. There were many sea creatures, and any of them could have been Rin’s, but they didn’t feel quite right. They didn’t have Rin’s touch, but even he wasn’t sure just what touch that was. Pursing his lips, he went to the next case, hearing Rin follow close behind him.

“Anything yet?”

“I don’t like doing this.”

“I believe in you~.”

He glared weakly at Rin, then moved to another case, then another, his head beginning to hurt and his eyes narrowing. It was pretty pointless to do this-- It wasn’t like he got anything out of it, either. Rin was just being a jerk--

Then, he stopped, his eyes falling on the sculpture of a sailboat, clear in color with a foamy wave beneath it, its base a small bit of rippling ocean water. The sail blew in the nonexistent wind, the creases clear to the naked eye. Staring at it, he felt his heart begin to flutter, and he knew that was a good sign. It was as if the sculpture could start moving at any moment. 

Looking to Rin, he quirked his brows up. “Is this it?”

“...You won, I guess.”

With a bashful smile, Rin looked away, and Haruka stood with a growing smile of his own. Like everything else Rin did, this piece was lovely. “Another boat? You must really like them…”

“Of course I do! After all, they were always what I saw in Iwatobi back when I was a kid…” He trailed off and his smile grew. “They were always bobbing at the fishing docks… Seeing them made me know I was home, you know…? I thought that, maybe if I sculpt a boat, it’ll carry me--”

“Back to Iwatobi, where you belong?” 

As Haruka finished the sentence, Rin flushed a deep red color, his smile falling and eyes widening. Then, he looked away in a hurry, laughing nervously as the blush began to reach to the tips of his ears. Haruka thought it to be something very cute.

“I’ve… I’ve told you that before, haven’t I…”

“Mm. It’s fine, though.” Picking the sculpture up, Haruka admired it with a soft gaze, a warmth capturing his heart. “It’s very you, Rin. I hope that it will fulfill that dream of yours.”

“...Thanks…”

Spending a few more seconds admiring it, Haruka returned the piece back to its place, watching as the light bounced off of it perfectly and made it gleam and glisten. It was indeed something very beautiful, something very Rin. 

Haruka wasn’t able to tell him that, though, because when he looked back to Rin, he realized that the blush, his smile, the delight in his eyes, were all gone. The air around him had changed into something more tense, foreboding. He stood straight with brows furrowed, and when Haruka followed his gaze, he found himself looking at a man much older than them who casually strolled through the room with his hands behind his back.

Within a moment, they were noticed by him, and he wore a smile as he approached them. Something about how Rin had reacted to his presence made Haruka uneasy, but he didn’t say anything about it.

“Matsuoka-kun, I thought you would be here,” the man started, holding out his hand for Rin to shake. Rin complied, nodding slowly.

“Mm. I enjoy doing these exhibits, after all…” Trailing off, he wore a smile of his own, but to Haruka, it didn’t feel genuine. “What brings you here, Sugimoto-sensei?”

The man, Sugimoto, stepped back and pulled his hand away, humming before answering. “Well… My time teaching at the university is coming to a close, I’d say, so I’ve taken to going to the local galleries as of late. Seeing what the amateurs are up to and such. And, since I figured you’d be here, I decided to take a look in this room, too.” He paused to glance around. “So. Where’s your work?”

“Ah…” Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, Rin gave Haruka a sidelong glance before he retrieved the little glass boat off of the display. He hesitated, holding the boat tightly to where Haruka feared it would break, but then he handed it over to Sugimoto, their eyes locking. Haruka could feel the stiff air between them, but he didn’t dare comment. “This is it.”

Adjusting his glasses to where they sat snugly on the bridge of his nose, Sugimoto lifted the piece closer to his eyes, narrowing them as he turned it over in his hands once, twice, three times. Rin didn’t move an inch, and Haruka worried if he was even breathing. He was very much nervous, and knowing that he was feeling that way… It made Haruka’s heart begin to race as well.

The seconds slowly ticked by until it felt like an hour had passed, and finally, Sugimoto lowered the piece. His lips were drawn into a thin line, the wrinkles around his eyes and on his forehead deep and noticeable. Handing it back to Rin, he breathed out a heavy sigh and shook his head.

“How boring.”

The words hit Haruka like a speeding bullet. His stomach dropped, his palms felt clammy, his mouth was dry, and his throat began to tighten. Short on breath, he hardly listened as Sugimoto continued speaking.

“Matsuoka-kun. Things like this aren’t your full potential… For one, you’ve made similar pieces before, right? You’re not reaching very far. I know you’re more inspired than this, and I expected something more, especially since more than a year has passed since you graduated. It’s too similar to what you’ve already done. It’s dull.”

Swallowing down a painful lump, Haruka couldn’t bring himself to look at Rin, too afraid to know the kind of expression he wore. He didn’t want to see pain or anger or dread painting Rin’s features, not when he was supposed to be someone who shined so brightly.

“And besides that, there’s technical errors in this that I’m surprised you allowed to happen… I doubt I have to say what they are. I’m sure you know, right, Matsuoka-kun?”

All was silent, save for a painful ringing in Haruka’s ears, and the pounding of his heart that beat violently against his ribcage. The air felt stagnant, like that of an oncoming storm, and he wanted nothing more than to escape to safety, leave with Rin so they didn’t have to listen to those sorts of words anymore. He couldn’t handle hearing them, they weren’t--

“Yes, I do. Thank you, Sugimoto-sensei.”

When Rin spoke, everything felt still. Haruka looked to him with wide eyes, only to find that Rin wore a serious, yet determined expression, a faint smile still gracing his lips all the same. It was a look that took Haruka’s breath away, and as he watched the two men nod to each other, he couldn’t think of a single thing to say as the world sat into motion again.

Once Sugimoto was gone, Rin’s grip on the glass boat tightened, and then he was reaching for Haruka’s shoulderbag and shoving the piece in. He didn’t say anything and instead turned, beginning to leave the room. Haruka followed without hesitation.

They didn’t stay in the building any longer, managing to make it outside again within minutes, Haruka staring at Rin’s back as they walked to some unknown destination. His mind was still blank from the shock, and he couldn’t even begin to think about how Rin was feeling.

...He knew how he himself would feel, though. He knew how he had felt in that moment, because he had been there before. Those words-- Dull, boring… They had pierced him like a knife and made his blood run cold. For years, he had repeated them to himself over and over, each new piece he made having some cold sentiment attached to it before he tucked it away so it would never see the light of day again, because he knew that it didn’t deserve it.

Having to hear it from someone else again… It had taken him back to a time he didn’t want to return to. What Sugimoto had said hadn’t been directed at him, he knew that, but it still hurt. Another lump formed in his throat, and he tried to swallow it down, his hands curling into fists.

Then, he thought himself selfish. How those words had affected him didn’t matter, because this was about Rin, and he had no right to take that from him--

Thudding against Rin’s back, he stumbled away, his jumbled mess of thoughts disappearing for a few beats. When Rin turned to him, his heart jumped.

“Well,” Rin started, wearing a sheepish, toothy smile as he rubbed the back of his neck, “Sorry about that. Want to go for drinks?”

Haruka was at a loss. That man had torn Rin’s sculpture apart and hadn’t even given him the kindness of at least saying what was _really_ wrong with it, and yet, Rin was still… He was still just his regular self, unfazed. Haruka couldn’t even begin to comprehend how.

Getting over something like that so easily, so quickly… Haruka didn’t think it possible.

“...Rin…”

“Hm?”

Haruka hesitated, not sure if it was okay for him to speak his mind or not, but then he swallowed his fear down, licking his lips and taking in a short breath. “You… Don’t have to pretend to be okay…”

“...What?”

He wasn’t sure how to explain himself, the words in his head mixing together and turning into nothing. Gritting his teeth together, he looked away with his brows knitted together. “How can you jump right back after what he said to you? Those things… They weren’t… They weren’t necessary. Your piece was fine--”

“Woah, woah.” Coming closer, Rin put a hand on Haruka’s shoulder and smiled. It helped Haruka calm down, though it also made him feel a bit of embarrassment, alongside an uneasy feeling that floated around within him. “Me being upset, well… You’re not wrong. I _am_ upset, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say that his comments were unnecessary.”

Haruka begged to differ, but he kept silent, not sure how he would even begin to say that.

Stepping back, Rin breathed out a sigh and looked away for a moment, eyes narrowed in thought. “You see, he wasn’t exactly right, but he wasn’t exactly wrong, either. Honestly, I had been really unsure about submitting that piece in the first place, but… I think I was sort of blinded. Lately, I’ve been getting nothing but positive comments, so I brushed off my uncertainty without even thinking it through, you know?”

He gestured for Haruka to walk with him, and Haruka hesitated before going to his side, not entirely sure what Rin was getting at, but listening nonetheless.

“I saw the flaws, and he did, too. And that he did is important, because when he saw the flaws, it made him _feel_ something. Sure, it wasn’t a _good_ feeling, but it was still a feeling. That’s what you want as an artist-- If you fail to put some kind of emotion into the viewer, then there wasn’t much of a point, right?”

He paused and hummed before looking to Haruka with a smile.

“But, even then… _Your_ opinion is the one that matters the most.”

His words made no sense to Haruka. Slowing down, he tilted his head at Rin, mouth twisted in confusion. “I don’t… Understand.”

“Mm, how do I say it…” Trailing off, Rin rubbed his chin and leaned against a nearby building, kicking one foot over the other. His eyes squeezed shut and he clicked his tongue before continuing. “It’s kind of like… You know how sometimes, people will tell you you’re doing fine? They’ll look at something you personally hate and then go on to praise it.”

Nodding uncertainly, Haruka leaned against the building with him, his gaze never once leaving Rin. “Mm.”

“They see something amazing, you know. In their eyes, it’s extraordinary, probably because they can’t do it themselves. But you don’t have to see it the same as they do. If you want to see it as something bad, a failure, then do that. Just… Don’t stop there, I guess. Use that failure to move on and create a masterpiece, something _you_ can be proud of. But never forget the comments you’ve gotten, good or bad. Use those, too. Then you’ll _definitely_ make something you yourself can praise.”

What he said took Haruka back to earlier that evening, the memory of a sobbing man still clear in his mind. Rin had said something like that then, too.

_He’ll be fine._

Sighing, Rin reached a hand up to rub at his neck, Haruka watching every movement he made with an unwavering gaze. It was becoming slightly clearer, but he still couldn’t quite grasp what Rin was trying to get across. It felt abstract.

“I guess what I’m saying is… You just have to look at your art for what it really is. Not just the negatives, but not just the positives. What art really _is_... It’s what the artist really _feels_."

He turned his head and flinched when their eyes met, but then his lips spread into a bashful smile as he shrugged his shoulders. “Uh, well… I got off topic, didn’t I? Like I said before, I was blinded by the positives and refused to see the negatives, and I ignored how I really felt about the piece, which was my key mistake.”

Haruka nodded slowly, lowering his gaze and folding his hands together, lips pursed. Rin’s words repeated themselves in his head, and no matter how many times he thought he was beginning to get it, it always seemed to slip just out of his reach before he could grab hold.

What he _did_ understand, though, was that Rin had a very strong sense of self.

“What Sugimoto said was reality hitting me,” Rin murmured, his smile turning into something softer. “There’s always going to be someone who sees the flaws in what you do… Oh, but you know-- For every one person who sees the bad stuff, there’s three more who see something amazing!”

Lifting his head, Haruka stared at Rin before snorting, his own smile peeking through. “Those are odd statistics--”

“Hey, it’s an educated guess!”

Rin laughed with him, though, and it helped soothe Haruka. Rin was fine-- That was what really mattered.

Right after, they headed for the station, Haruka politely declining the drinks as he had to be up early the next day. Waving their goodbyes as the train doors slid closed, Haruka leaned his head against the cool glass window before sighing. That had been more stressful than he had anticipated.

Arriving home, he didn’t even make dinner, instead laying out his futon and snuggling into his pillow, his shoulderbag tossed elsewhere and the light of the TV being the only thing brightening the dim room. Curling his fingers up into his palms, he blinked his eyes closed, the events of that day playing through his mind again.

Rin was really something else, he thought. For him to be able to so easily hold his head high, take the critique as if it were just a breeze passing by… He was truly strong.

\--

Even after a long night of sleep, those thoughts still lingered at the back of his mind as he went to the university the morning after. He was early, Amakata not even having arrived yet, so he didn’t stay in the classroom and instead went to his studio, the door closing behind him with a click.

Nothing in the room had changed. It was the same as it was days before, just how he had left it. Easels and paint cans and canvases scattered about, shelves stacked high with supplies the class occasionally used, cobwebs in one corner of the room that he hadn’t bothered getting rid of yet.

The familiar, sharp smell of paint fumes came to him, and he would have liked to have thought that everything was still the same, but… It wasn’t. Something was off, and he began to feel uneasy, because he swore that everything was in its rightful place.

Stepping in further, the soles of his shoes tapping against the tile floors, he lay his shoulderbag on one of the tables, hearing a little thud come from inside it. He didn’t remember packing anything new within it, and upon opening it up, he felt his heart flutter.

The glass ship was cool to the touch, and he was relieved that it hadn’t broken during his trip home. He remembered Rin shoving it in the bag the night before, berating himself for having forgotten. Setting it up on its base, he sat on his stool, staring at it with a heavy heart.

He truly didn’t think that it deserved the criticism it had received. It was a fine piece, the details were lovely, and Rin had obviously put time and hard work into it… That’s what he thought, at least, but Sugimoto obviously had a very different opinion of it.

Rin had made a point to talk about that, though. His speech from the night before began to return as Haruka’s still foggy and half-asleep mind began to clear, the words coming to him one by one. How he spoke of making the viewer feel something, using failures to move on and create something wonderful…”

_What art really_ is... _It’s what the artist really_ feels.

He wasn’t sure how many times those words repeated themselves. Rin had tried to make a point, tried to say that, in the end, everyone would have differing views. Good, bad, neutral… But what others said didn’t hold a candle to what the original creator thought. The artist knew their piece better than anyone else, and whatever their opinion was… It was truly the most important one.

Listen to the views of others, but never let your own view be clouded. Open your eyes, clear the way, see what it really is, figure out what you really feel.

Lifting his gaze from the small ship, Haruka glanced around the room, something inside of him feeling different, just as the room had. He stood from his stool and moved to where he stored his old paintings-- A worn wooden chest that had been moved to that room due to space issues. Opening the lid and coughing as dust rose from it, he didn’t look inside, grabbing one of the filled canvases out. 

_It’s dull._

_Unimaginative._

Really, it was just the scenery of an abandoned highway, flora and fauna having overtaken it with their presence. Plants and wildflowers sprouted from between the cracks in the pavement, the grass surrounding the road overgrown and weedy.

He didn’t spend much time staring at it, tucking it away again before he took another one out and held it up high, his eyes narrowing.

_You could do better._

_I find it boring._

A scenery of a sunken ship resting against the bed of the ocean, the wood splintering and wasting away, algae forming between the cracks. The sail was shredded, never to be pieced together again, and old furniture with missing legs strewn around it, the fabric of the chairs discolored and dull.

Putting that one away as well, he took another one out, and repeated the process over and over again. He would lift each painting up to his eyes, his stare growing longer with each new one. Ice-covered lakes with streaky sun reflections against the surface, rained on flower gardens with drops of water falling from petals, mid-morning sceneries of fog rolling over low, grassy hills...

He couldn’t bring himself to remember how he had felt when he painted these. He wasn’t sure if he had felt anything at all. The only thing he could vaguely recall was thinking, _“It’ll have the same reaction as those before it. It’ll be awful, I’m sure. They’ll find it awful, because it is awful.”_

Years had passed since then, though. Looking at the pieces now… He wasn’t sure if he could agree with his original feelings and thoughts-- No, he hadn’t even been the one to form those opinions for himself. Never had he given it his own thought. It was the people around him who had. They were the ones who--

“Nanase-kun?”

He jumped at the new voice and spun around, finding Amakata standing in the entrance to the room. They stared at each other with wide eyes, Haruka figuring he must have looked like a deer in the headlights, because she giggled as she stepped further in.

“Sorry, did I scare you?” Moving closer to him, she glanced at the painting he held. “That was from your first year here, wasn’t it…? I remember…”

Looking back to it, he nodded, staring at it with brows furrowed. “Mm.”

“What are you doing with it?”

“I was just…” He trailed off, not really sure himself. He had just… He had started going through them with no particular reason in mind, and now he had a hard time remembering just what he had been thinking in the first place. “I don’t…”

“I see.”

When he looked to her, he was met with a fond, knowing smile, one that he couldn’t understand. “...What?”

She shook her head, then turned. “Nothing, nothing. Class will start soon, so let’s get ready?”

Watching her go, he quietly agreed before putting the painting back and moving to grab his bag. The glass ship still sat near it, and Amakata took notice when he paused to pick it up.

“What is that? It’s so lovely~...”

Admiring it for a moment, he glanced her way with a soft smile. “Yeah, it is…”

It was so lovely, in fact, that it deserved a special spot. Curling his fingers around it, he moved to place it on the shelf near his work station, wiping his hand over the spot to rid it of any dust. Putting it down with a small tap, he stepped back, his heart fluttering as he stared at it for a few seconds more.

He wasn’t entirely sure of what the artist’s opinion was, but he thought it to be something perfect.

\--

_Hey, do you have time to come by the studio today? There’s something I want to show you!_

The message had vibrated in his pocket, and he opened it with a small smile. It was an off day for him, the weather was warm, clouds hanging high in the sky, and spending time with Rin sounded much more enjoyable than going to buy groceries.

Tapping out a response, he waited for another message from Rin, one that was accompanied by a smiling emoji. He was on his way right after, checking his watch to make sure he could make it in time for the next train.

Only a week had passed since the exhibit, and they hadn’t gotten together since. Rin had been busying himself with something, Haruka guessing that it probably had to do with the critique he had gotten, and the speech he had given.

_“Never forget the comments you’ve gotten, good or bad. Use those, too. Then you’ll_ definitely _make something you can praise.”_

Smiling to himself, he took a seat as the train doors closed, and he put his bag in his lap as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. It wasn’t often that Rin invited him to his studio, so he found himself pretty excited to see what was up.

As always, Rin greeted him at the station, and together they headed to the quiet neighborhood. Haruka made attempts to ask Rin what he wanted him there for, but Rin only shook his head and wore a delighted grin, stating that Haruka would find out soon enough. It wasn’t the answer he wanted, but he gave up anyways, huffing and ignoring Rin when he said something about patience being a virtue.

Letting Haruka into the small building, the door closed behind them with a soft ring of the bell overhead. Rin told Haruka to stay put before he disappeared into the back room, humming some chipper tune to himself that Haruka didn’t recognize, but still made him smile anyways.

He leaned against the wall, glanced around the room, and began to hum himself as the smile gradually grew. Some of the sculptures he had seen the first time were gone now, but had been replaced with new ones in their wake. If Rin were to actually set up a shop, Haruka figured it would make decent money, but Rin had never said whether he liked the idea or not.

Deciding to keep quiet about it for now, Haruka moved off the wall and headed for the secluded corner of the room, the small wooden box still resting in its exact spot. Lifting the lid off of it, he wrapped his fingers around the sea glass and took to admiring it, not noticing when Rin returned.

“Looking at that again?” he teased, moving to stand by Haruka and smiling at the stone in his palm.

“Mm.” Holding it for a few more moments, he returned it to the box and replaced the lid, looking to Rin with a brow raised. “So? What did you want to show me?”

There was a pristine and pure excitement in Rin’s eyes, comparable to a child getting a new toy, but he visibly hesitated before stepping away from Haruka. Haruka noticed that he held his hands behind his back, and his gaze was elsewhere as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Finally, he took in a deep breath and put a sculpture on the glass beside them, his lips drawing up into a thin line and his cheeks beginning to bloom into a soft red color.

Haruka had to keep himself from staring at Rin, tearing his gaze away to look at the new piece. He tilted his head and felt his heart flutter, though he was still puzzled. Carefully, he took the small sculpture into his hands and turned it over a few times before smiling softly to himself. A dolphin, made from pink colored glass. It was cute, that much was certain, but Haruka didn’t entirely understand why Rin had wanted to show _him_.

“What is this for?” he asked, lifting his head and realizing that Rin had been watching him carefully the entire time. His heart jumped, but settled quickly when he reassured himself that there was no reason to get worked up.

“It’s--” Rin’s blush had crawled up from his neck and reached to the tips of his ears, the soft color becoming more vibrant, making Haruka wonder if he was alright. His mouth twisted and he rubbed at his neck, put one hand on his hip, coughed and tried to find his words. “It’s a thank you.”

“...A thank you?” Haruka repeated, looking back to the rosy little dolphin. “For what?”

He heard Rin grunt and hum lowly, a stark contrast from his earlier tune. He was desperately trying to find the right thing to say, and Haruka waited patiently, knowing that it was for the best. “For, uh-- I know it’s been a while already, but, um… Well, for not--”

“You can do it, Rin.”

“Shut it, I’m trying.” Pausing, he drew in a breath to help himself calm down. “It’s for not leaving, I guess.”

At first, Haruka didn’t understand what Rin meant, but it didn’t take long for it to all come flooding back. His heart jumped and fell all at once, and he looked to Rin, surprise surely written all over his face. Then, he pursed his lips and put the sculpture down, his gaze going elsewhere.

“I don’t need to be rewarded for that,” he muttered, and it was true, but Rin still sighed.

“I know, but… I just wanted to, so you’ll accept it, right?”

Something like that didn’t feel right, because he felt that being rewarded for just wanting to stay at Rin’s side wasn’t necessary-- He didn’t need gifts to be kept around. As long as Rin was there with him, that was all that really mattered.

Still, he curtly nodded. It wasn’t like he was going to turn down something that Rin had made especially for him, and as he looked back to Rin, he pouted. The way Rin smiled, though, his shoulders relaxing and his sharp teeth peeking out from the curl of his lips… It was enough to make Haruka smile in return.

Before their gazes were locked together for too long, Haruka looked back to the dolphin, softly tracing a finger over the smooth curve of its back. “Why a dolphin?”

“Ah, I remembered that you used to have a lot of dolphin stuff when we were kids.” He snorted, wearing a snide grin. “Even your underwear…”

“That was because of my parents,” Haruka muttered, his cheeks feeling slightly warm. “And, you know, dolphins aren’t pink.”

“Shut up, of course I know that. I just made it like that because you like pink, right?”

At that, Haruka cocked his head to the side, puzzled. “...Do I?”

“Don’t you?” Rin’s brows knitted together as he crossed his arms against his chest. “I mean, you never use your pink paint, right? I always assumed that you were saving it for something special since you liked it…”

“That’s… That’s an odd assumption.”

“It isn’t odd. It’s totally valid.”

Staring each other down, their moment was interrupted just a few seconds later, the sound of the bell ringing as the door opened. Footsteps paraded in, accompanied by the laughter of children, and Rin relaxed as he easily seemed to recognize who had arrived. He moved to greet the kids, Haruka following and remembering that Rin had mentioned the children in the neighborhood liking his little animal sculptures.

“Matsuoka-san!” There were three of them, two boys and one girl, each wearing broad grins with missing front teeth here and there.

Bending down to their level, Rin patted each of their heads, ruffling their hair up despite their giggly protests. “Welcome back,” he greeted, wearing a sunny smile of his own. “What are you here for today? If it’s a vase, I can give you a special deal--”

“No!” One boy piped up, snorting as he weakly shoved at Rin. “Matsuoka-san, we don’t want any vase!”

“ _Oh_ , then you guys are here for something else?”

“Yes!” Their voices chimed in unison, laughing as Rin put a finger to his chin. 

“I’m guessing you want--”

“Animals!”

“Mm, I see.” Standing, Rin shoved his hands into his pockets, quirking a brow up and nodding at the three kids. “Then, if that’s all, you know where they are. Have at ‘em.”

He laughed as the kids pushed past him, and he looked back to Haruka with a shimmer in his eyes. Moving to stand with him, Haruka kept an eye on the children, not sure if it was okay for them to be running awry in a glass filled building. Rin seemed to trust them, though.

“They’re my most regular customers,” Rin explained, leaning against a case and crossing one ankle over the other. “They come here at least once a week. Sometimes their parents come, too.”

“...I thought this wasn’t a shop.”

“It isn’t. They just like what I do, and I like to make sure that they’re happy.” 

Not saying anymore, Haruka glanced at Rin, staying silent as they both watched the children pick up the different sculptures and admire them before putting them down again, only to move on to something different. Rin’s smile was a gentle one, one that made Haruka’s stomach do a little flip.

It didn’t take long for the two boys to pick out what they wanted, having their money ready for Rin. Each slapped down a five hundred yen coin into his palm, let their heads be patted once more, and then they were gone, off to show their parents what they had bought.

“Your prices are low,” Haruka observed, huffing out a small laugh as Rin went a little red in the face.”

“They’re just kids. Their allowances aren’t much, so the fact that they’re spending their money here is something special to me.”

“Rin, you’re so softhearted.”

“Shut it.”

Leaving Haruka’s side, he went to go see if the girl had found anything she wanted yet. Haruka followed after him, finding her leaning against one of the glass cases, admiring something that sat atop it, rather than within.

“Matsuoka-san,” she started, looking to them both. Haruka could have sworn he saw stars twinkling in her eyes. “Is this one for sale?” She pointed a finger, and Haruka felt Rin stiffen before he moved to pick the glass dolphin up.

“I’m sorry, but it isn’t,” he mumbled, giving her an apologetic look as she visibly deflated. “I made it for someone, so…”

Haruka watched as the girl gave a defeated nod and buried her hands deep into her pockets, going to look for whatever else Rin had available. She stepped past Haruka, and Rin put the dolphin back down, following after her to help. She was very obviously not interested in anything else, and Haruka easily caught how her eyes often wandered back to the dolphin, all the stars in them gone.

She was a child who reminded Haruka of a certain someone, and if she was anything like that person… Well, she would be a stubborn soul. There was no helping it. Seeing a child so down and about was something that no one would be fond of, Haruka included.

Making his decision, he carefully took the dolphin into his hands and went after them, crouching down to tap her on the shoulder and get her attention. She turned, her gaze flickering between Haruka and the dolphin in his hands before she tilted her head. Rin was doing the same, but Haruka brushed his reaction off.

“He made it for me, and I’ve decided to sell it,” he mumbled, placing the sculpture in her small hands with a smile. “So, if you can pay for it, it’s yours.”

“Haru--”

“ _Really?!_ ” All life returned to her eyes as she jumped in her spot, beaming from ear to ear. “Okay! Okay! Thank you!” Patting her pockets, she grimaced, then looked to Haruka quickly. “I’ll go get the money from my mom--”

Shoving the dolphin back into Haruka’s hands, she was gone moments later, pulling the door open and hurrying to wherever her mother waited. Haruka smiled after her and stood straight again, flinching when he saw the narrow-eyed glare Rin wore.

“Hey, what’s the big idea? I made that special for you.”

“...It’s fine, isn’t it?” Haruka leaned against the case, placing the dolphin atop it. “She really wanted it, and you can always make another.” He paused, eyes flitting back to Rin. “And if something happens to that one, you can make another. And if that one breaks, you can make more.”

Rin’s expression was a mixture of surprise and offense. “...Do you _plan_ on something happening to it?” he grumbled, crossing his arms as his lower lip jutted out in a pout. Haruka had to resist the urge to snort at how, long ago, it was a look Rin had worn many times, but Rin continued before that could happen. “Do you _plan_ on breaking it?”

“No, I don’t,” Haruka answered easily. “I’m just saying… If it does, you can make another.”

“You already said that. Geez… These take time, you know. Do you want to work me to death or something?”

Rin leaned against the case with him, and Haruka scooted closer without thinking, their shoulders touching as he hummed in thought. “No, it’s not that… It’s just, you’ll be here to make more, won’t you?”

“...What?”

“You’ll be around to continue making them.” He paused, watching Rin closely from the corner of his eye. “You won’t be leaving my side anytime soon or anything, so.”

He wasn’t sure what he was doing-- All he could do was keep his gaze on Rin as the words poured from his mouth without him even thinking them through. What was he even saying at this point? He couldn’t explain what he meant, what he was trying to get across. He just knew that it felt right.

At first, Rin didn’t say anything in return, but then his gaze began to soften as he uncrossed his arms. His lips were parted ever so slightly, Haruka’s stare going between them and Rin’s eyes, and all was quiet. He hardly noticed when Rin’s hand hesitantly covered his own, Rin’s fingers trembling, his touch warm compared to the glass that lay underneath Haruka’s palm. Then, his chest tightened, filling with an unfamiliar fire that made his blood run hot.

“No, I… I don’t plan on it, no…”

“That’s my point,” Haruka murmured, his voice low, eyes no longer on Rin.

“...But if I keep having to make them, won’t they lose their value?” Rin’s voice was quiet, a hint of uncertainty laced into the tone.

“...If you keep having to remake them, then that just means that they’re special enough to be remade in the first place.”

Haruka didn’t dare look up when Rin moved to stand in front of him, and he didn’t fight back when Rin’s hands covered both of his own, keeping him against the counter. He was trapped, but it didn’t feel that way-- Not even close. An electricity settled in his heart, spurred him on, and he made the bold move of firmly lacing their fingers together. Rin’s hand still shook-- He wondered if he was doing the same.

There was no way he could tell at this point.

“And--” He swallowed, berating himself when his voice wavered. He didn’t know if Rin had noticed, and he wasn’t sure if he really cared, either. When Rin moved closer, any embarrassment he might have felt melted away as their bodies pressed further together. It was easy for Haruka to realize that this was something he didn’t dislike. 

Rather, he wanted more-- More of the fire that made his skin tingle, more of the electricity that sent shivers up his spine, more of the warmth that made him almost want to cry. He wanted to be _selfish_. 

“And,” he tried again, “I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon, either. I’ll stay here, and you will too, so you can just keep remaking them as many times as you want-- I want you to--”

His breath hitched when one of Rin’s hands pulled away, his fingers ghosting against Haruka’s cheek. Haruka relaxed at the small touch, leaned into it, and lifted his gaze. Rin’s eyes were gorgeous, even more beautiful up close. A fire raged within them and made Haruka feel at a loss for words. He couldn’t keep himself from staring, his eyes only fluttering closed when he felt Rin’s forehead press against his own. 

He hesitated at first, unsure, but then he pressed a trembling hand to Rin’s chest, slowly sliding it up until he found Rin’s nape. He let it rest there, even went as far as to tug Rin closer, and he sighed, letting a quiet whine leave him. He should have been ashamed, but he didn’t care-- He didn’t care about _anything_ at this point, his focus solely on Rin, everything else disappearing around him. 

What he had said, it was everything he hadn’t wanted Rin to know, every thought he had wanted to keep hidden away until it was finally gone. But now, it was all out in the open, the words still lingering on his lips, only to be brushed away when he felt Rin’s breath on them. He knew what he wanted, he knew what to expect, and yet, he was lost in the best way possible, and _God_ , why wasn’t Rin _doing_ anything--

A few seconds passed, the only sound being the drumming of his heart, and still, nothing happened. The air around them had stilled, as if time itself had stopped. Then, everything was moving again too quickly, Rin pulling away and leaving Haruka’s body with an awful chill running through it, as if all warmth had been stolen away.

He opened his eyes, confused, afraid, and his heart fell when he saw Rin’s back turned to him, shoulders stiff. He had to stop himself from reaching out, his fingers twitching. “Rin--”

“Sorry.” 

He wasn’t given the time to ask Rin what he was apologizing for. As soon as he parted his lips, the door to the building opened, the young girl rushing in and shoving a coin into Rin’s palm, her grin huge.

“Here you go, Matsuoka-san! Thank you! And thank you, mister!” She bowed to each of them and grabbed the dolphin from the counter, waving as she left and saying something about how she was so eager to show her mother.

Dead silence filled the room, Haruka feeling as if he were about to suffocate under the weight of it. He was almost positive that one would have been able to hear his heart pounding, and the fact that Rin still didn’t look at him didn’t make it any better. Haruka couldn’t tell what kind of expression Rin wore, what sort of thoughts were pilfering through his mind, how he was feeling.

The last thing Haruka expected was for Rin to turn around with a sheepish grin. “Well, I guess that’s that. We’ll just call that one a prototype, yeah? The next one will be even better.” As he spoke, he dug his phone out of his pocket. “Ah, it’s getting close to dinner time. Wanna go grab a bite to eat?”

“...S-sure.” 

“Sweet. Let me just go get my stuff.” 

Retreating to the back room, Rin left Haruka all alone with his thoughts, which really, was dangerous at this point. Letting out a breath that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, he practically fell against the case, hand on his forehead. He smoothed his bangs back, checked if he had a fever or something, and he didn’t, but… He was still warm. 

...Just what _was_ that? He knew that it hadn’t been an illusion-- It was too vivid, and his imagination definitely couldn’t run _that_ wild.

No, it was real, every single part of it. He could still feel the specks of warmth that lingered on his cheeks, his hands, his heart. He could still taste Rin’s breath on his lips, and he had to stop himself from licking them out of habit.

It had all been _too_ real, and when he realized that he had been totally fine with it, disappointed when Rin pulled away, he groaned lowly, his eyes squeezing shut.

When his heart finally began to calm and return to a normal rhythm, he rubbed at his face and sighed into his hands, not sure what was what anymore. Rin had smiled at him, acted as if nothing had happened, and he thought that maybe he should do the same. Would that be for the best? The answer was probably yes, and he knew that, but...

But that just left him feeling downright _irritated_. 

Irritated and confused and scared-- Every emotion he couldn’t handle. He hardly glanced up when Rin came back into the room, announcing that he was ready to go. Haruka dragged his feet as he followed Rin out of the building, down the sidewalks, around corners, the routes they had taken before. He glared at his food as he sat across from Rin at the small café they frequented, hardly even heard what Rin was going on about.

He couldn’t focus, but he wouldn’t dare bring anything up. If Rin didn’t want to talk about it, then he supposed it wasn’t even _worth_ bringing up. It was just a fluke. Rin kissed other men, sure, but he wouldn’t kiss his friend. That had just been a spur of the moment thing, something they had both gotten too caught up in. That’s what Haruka told himself over and over again, his heart falling further and further as it began to sink in.

No matter what he said to himself, though, ignoring it absolutely did _not_ feel right.

Returning home that night, Haruka hardly even undressed before he fell against his futon, thankful that he hadn’t put it away that morning out of pure laziness. Burying his face into the pillow, he sighed, curled his fingers into the soft linen fabric.

He barely slept, and even when he managed to doze off, fires of pinks and reds filled his line of sight, and Rin was in front of him again, their lips _this_ close to touching, and Haruka hated how much he wanted it, how much he wanted Rin.

Then, he would wake, groan at the dreams-- No, the _nightmares_.

This wasn’t fair. Rin was a dear friend of his. He didn’t want that to change. At least, he thought he didn’t, but his subconscious was practically screaming otherwise at him, and it made him feel disgusting, because Rin didn’t deserve these kinds of ideas. None of this had been a problem until Kisumi had went and said how romantic Haruka’s thoughts were-- It was just a downward spiral from there.

He was frustrated, and he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t ask Makoto, because surely his friend wouldn’t even come close to understanding this-- He doubted that anyone would. It was just something he’d have to deal with on his own, or maybe, he’d just let it pass.

It wasn’t like this could last forever.

For the days that followed, neither of them messaged each other. Haruka was fine with that, as he had hardly been getting a wink of shut eye, and he was pretty positive that seeing Rin wouldn’t help his problem.

It wasn’t until he took notice of a date circled in red that he changed his mind. It was approaching fast, and he had lost track of the time, it seemed. For that instant, all worries washed away and he smiled to himself, excitement tingling in his heart as he went to get ahold of Rin.

Grabbing his phone off the kitchen counter, he found a message already waiting for him.

_It’s almost time for you to fulfill that promise of yours, Haru. The beaches of Iwatobi await us!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the lack of update! I'm not sure what kept me from writing, but for a while there, my motivation was lost. It was terrible, but I'm glad I'm finally able to get this to you all.  
> I'd also like to thank everyone who has read this so far, and everyone who has left comments. Really, your words have been so kind that they've brought me to tears. It was you all who helped me find the drive to keep pushing forward. So, thank you!  
> And another big thank you to those who help me edit these chapters. They wouldn't be what they are without you guys!  
> As always, comments and kudos are very much appreciated. Please enjoy the chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the previous chapter, there was a chunk of text that was accidentally cut from it. It's been added since then, so I hope it wasn't too jarring to the readers!

On the day of their departure, the two men met up at the station, the sun barely having risen over the buildings and the morning dew still present on patches of grass. Greeting each other with soft, tired smiles, they headed straight for the airport. Rin had only packed a single bag, telling Haruka that he wasn’t sure just how long they would be able to stay. Haruka didn’t know, either, deciding that a night or two would be fine with him. If Makoto didn’t want them there for too long, they could always escape to a hotel instead.

Their flight wasn’t a long one, and for most of it, neither of them spoke to each other. Rin relaxed back in his seat, the music from his earbuds barely noticeable over the whirr of the plane engine. At first, all Haruka did was stare out the window, his gaze sometimes shifting back to Rin. Then, tired of that, he brought out his sketchbook, using the time to draw out Rin’s profile. He tried to not make it obvious, of course, not wanting for Rin to notice. Rin probably didn’t know, but Haruka thought him to be an awfully good model.

With his pencil scratching against the paper and his eyes going back and forth between it and Rin, he sometimes found himself pausing, staring at the other for elongated periods of time before catching him. He’d look away in a hurry, silently scold himself, then end up repeating the process just minutes later. It was becoming a bad habit, and he was glad when Rin dozed off about half an hour into the flight. He took the initiative to turn Rin’s music off for him.

Placing the mp3 player back into Rin’s relaxed hand, Haruka’s leaned back into his chair as well, head turned to Rin as he continued watching him. The streams of sunlight that passed through the plane’s window hit him perfectly, and Haruka thought that it would have made a lovely photo, but he didn’t take advantage of it. Instead, he closed his sketchbook, the unfinished picture of Rin laid to rest. Shutting his eyes, he breathed out slowly, a comforting feeling stealing him.

He had never been fond of flying; he was given too much time to think. Of course, though, the last time he had been on a plane, Rin hadn’t yet come back into his life. Back then, all he was able to do was think like an artist would-- Or perhaps not, since he thought himself different from others. He’d question himself, instead. How could he make it better, how could he soothe critics, what could he do to get something good from them? Why couldn’t his work be flawless, rather than dull?

He couldn’t tell if he preferred that, because this time, his mind was filled with Rin and Rin alone. A smooth voice, a brilliant smile, a personality warmer than a midsummer day. Rin was a man who was gracious and considerate, just as much as he was teasing and playful. Thinking this, Haruka let his eyes open once, the perfect picture of the sleeping Rin greeting him once again. His lips were slightly parted, and his disheveled bangs hung in his eyes, his lashes resting softly against his cheeks.

Dazed by the sight, a dizzy feeling taking him, Haruka reached a hand over, his thumb grazing Rin’s lower lip. It didn’t take long before he caught himself, his chest tightening as all his prior thoughts meshed together. Pulling back just as Rin began to stir, he looked away, silently trying to calm his racing heart.

Rin only woke for a few moments, mumbling something that Haruka didn’t catch before he nodded off again. Haruka didn’t attempt to wake him, figuring it would be useless to do so. After all, there was no kind of conversation they could have, and he didn’t want to bore Rin.

Of course, he was just avoiding the situation at hand, the elephant in the room. Just like that day in the studio, and just like those days that followed it, he still made no mention of what had almost happened between them. There was no good way to bring it up, and it wasn’t like he was fond of facing his problems head-on in the first place. He didn’t have the courage.

Still, though, it pestered and ate away at him, his sleep schedule being thrown off because of the damn dreams that played with his head and made him question every fiber of his being. Each time he looked at Rin, each time Rin smiled at him, he could still feel the warmth of their bodies pressed together, the hand that lay against his cheek, Rin’s breath that he so desperately wanted to taste at least once.

But really, he still had no idea if he had actually wanted it to happen. He could debate with himself again and again, but he was sure that he wouldn’t find an answer. He figured it was better to just put it at the back of his mind and continue to go about his normal everyday life. Whatever happened, happened. He couldn’t change what fate had in store for him.

...He wondered, though. Was that really the right way to go about it? Was he just scared? Was he taking the easy way out? Surely that was okay, since it what was he had done his entire life, but… 

With Rin, he just wasn’t sure.

_Weak_ , he thought, his eyes fluttering closed again as he tried to get in a bit of shut-eye before landing.

\--

As soon as they stepped foot within Iwatobi, Rin was already raring to explore, wanting to see how the town had changed since his last visit. To Haruka, the town was as familiar as the back of his hand. He knew each alleyway and shortcut, which stores had kindly old women who gave out free candy, what trails and dirt paths to take to reach scenic overlooks that only locals knew about. Iwatobi had been his home for years and years, and it still was. He would never forget a single thing about it.

With it still being early in the day, hardly even time for lunch yet, they took their time simply walking around, enjoying themselves. Rin challenged Haruka to races up stone stairs to small, worn shrines; they offered a prayer once they reached the top, only to race right back down. At their age, it must have looked childish, but Haruka didn’t mind. Actually, it was fun. Compared to Tokyo and Yokohama, Iwatobi’s population was sparse. It was as if they had all the freedom in the world.

In that world, it was only them, their entire line of view revolving around each other. Where they lived, it was easy to lose themselves, to become faces in the crowd, surrounded by people who would make no impact on their short lives. Here, though, in the town they both called home, everything was as clear as day, as clear as water when the sun shined a warming light upon it.

Nothing else mattered. Haruka hadn’t felt this at ease in ages, his feet, his heart, feeling as light as feathers. Rin’s warmth engulfed him and pulled him in, and Haruka accepted it, drawn to his powerful personality, his stunning smile. Even when they were shaded by the leaves of overhanging branches, light filtering in as patches against the dirt trail, Rin was still no different.

Haruka thought to himself that, even if the world were to be suddenly be taken by a great darkness, Rin’s light would glow in that pitch black, his shining eyes and grin brightening everything once again.

At the top of an overlook, a cliff with ocean waves crashing against its rocky side, Rin fell back into a patch of grass. His hair splayed out every which way as his chest rose and fell with long gulps of air. Haruka sat beside him, eager to find his own share of breath as well. It was just like Rin to challenge him to a race up that steep trail, stating that whoever got there last would be paying for dinner that night. He said that, but Haruka knew that he was probably still bitter about the same race they had years ago, one that Haruka had won with ease.

That trail was a lot less forgiving now, though. Haruka couldn’t remember it being so _long_.

“Out of breath?” he asked, hoping he sounded teasing enough as he wiped at the sweat on his forehead.

“Shut up. I’m totally fine--” Rin sputtered suddenly, having breathed in the wrong way. Sitting up, he let Haruka pat at his back until he was alright again, and he grinned sheepishly when the coughing fit had passed. “Okay, _now_ I’m totally fine.”

Haruka returned the smile and pulled his knees up to his chest, turning his gaze to the edge of the cliff. “You’re getting weak, Rinrin.”

He snorted when Rin shoved at his shoulder, but he didn’t look, already feeling the glare Rin pointed at him. “You seriously remember that name? And yeah, right. I’m as strong as a rock.” As if to prove himself, he jumped up from the spot and stretched his arms high above his head. “I’ll race you back down.”

“Mhmm.”

Clicking his tongue at the lack of response from Haruka, Rin moved away from him, going to the edge of the cliff and drawing in a soft gasp. Haruka looked up at that, watching as Rin beckoned him over. “Haru, come here--”

When Haruka took his sweet time in joining, Rin ran back to the spot he sat in, grabbing his wrist and pulling him up from the ground. Haruka groaned as he dragged his feet, having wanted to give his legs at least a little rest, but Rin wouldn’t allow it as he still tugged him along. Haruka didn’t mind too much, though-- Rin’s hand was warm.

He let go when they stood near the edge, and Haruka’s attention went from Rin to the view before them.

Haruka knew good and well what the ocean looked like. He had been around it for most of his life.  
Yet, atop that cliff with Rin by his side, it seemed… _Different_. More _captivating_ , more _exquisite_. The sun that shone overhead radiated its light onto the waves that moved below them, making the water glimmer and shine with each small movement it made. Every so often, a cloud would block out its rays, darken everything for mere seconds before it returned to a view that captured Haruka’s heart. 

“It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Rin murmured, awestruck. Haruka only nodded, not saying anything when Rin moved away to dig in his bag. After a few moments, he brought out a digital camera and lifted it to his eyes, licking his lips and sticking his tongue out. “Hey, smile for me.”

A bit caught off-guard, Haruka turned to him, eyes wide. “...What?”

“I’m gonna take your picture, so smile.” Rin smiled himself, as if Haruka needed some kind of reminder.

“Rin…”

Furrowing his brows, he tried to abide by Rin’s request, hearing Rin click his tongue as he lowered the camera, his lips pursed. “It looks too forced. Forget it.”

It wasn’t Haruka’s fault that he couldn’t smile on command-- Most people couldn’t. He was an artist, not an actor. Huffing, he turned his back to Rin, focusing his gaze on the scenery that spread out over the horizon. It was easy to lose himself in the sight as he tried to burn the image into his mind. He didn’t dare blink, afraid that he’d miss some new beautiful detail.

He didn’t have the confidence to paint something so incredible. He truly believed that something like this was out of his reach, but… But maybe _someday_ \--

...Someday? Maybe? He had surprised himself. For many years, it had become a common occurrence that he’d give up before even trying, not wanting to deal with a possible failure. It was too frightening, and he easily convinced himself each time that it wouldn’t end well. He never wanted to give himself a second thought.

This time was different. For him, the fact that he had actually expressed the idea of _wanting_ to try was something… Something foreign, something odd.

Yet, at the same time, it felt inviting, it felt _right_.

Pulled from his thoughts by the sound of a beep and a shutter closing, Haruka looked back to Rin, raising a brow when he found the other man beaming at him.

“That was perfect, Haru,” he praised, moving closer and wrapping an arm around Haruka’s shoulder. “You looked incredible-- Were you smiling without knowing it? The lighting was just right, too. You’d make a good model, you know. What with how beautiful you are.”

“...Beautiful?” Haruka repeated, watching as the realization of what Rin had said began to sink in. Flushing, Rin pulled away, rubbing at the back of his neck.

“F-forget it--”

“I don’t think so,” Haruka interrupted, looking back to the ocean. “You’re prettier than I am, Rin.”

The silence that followed felt like an accomplishment to Haruka, and he didn’t have to look at Rin to know that his blush had probably worsened. A sense of pride swelled up in his heart, though his own cheeks began to feel warm. Turning on his heel, he moved past Rin, grabbing his bag off the ground.

“Haru?” Following after him, Rin picked up his own bag as well, slinging it over his shoulder and hurrying to Haruka’s side. “What? Did the view bore you?”

“No,” he answered. Rather, it had been the complete opposite, and if they hadn’t already had plans, he would have loved to stay there. “We’ll lose daylight if we stay any longer. You want to get to the beach soon, right?”

Rin’s expression immediately brightened, a look that reminded Haruka of how he had been as a child, full of wonderment and excitement. Nodding, Rin sprinted a few feet ahead, gesturing for Haruka to hurry up. “Like I said, I’ll race you down!”

A faint light sparked in Haruka’s chest at those words, and he smiled as he moved to stand by Rin’s side, listening to him give the countdown before they both took off down the trail, their prior exhaustion all but forgotten.

Their run to the beach didn’t take long, the two only having to pause when the occasional familiar face stopped Haruka. He made polite conversation with each of them, ignoring how antsy Rin seemed at his side, and then they would be on their way again. They reached the sandy dunes with sweat running down their backs, but neither cared.

Save for them, the beach was empty, the waves rolling in against the shoreline and leaving behind a foam in their wake. The smell was familiar, welcoming, and for a few moments, all they did was stand still, letting the breeze that carried the scent of the ocean blow past them and gently ruffle their hair.

Then, after letting it all sink in, Rin took in a sharp breath as his lips drew up into a toothy smile. Kicking off his shoes and socks, letting his jacket fall from his shoulders, and rolling up the legs of his pants, he raced towards the water, leaving a trail of footprints behind him.

Haruka watched from afar, his eyes carefully following Rin. He could understand how Rin felt in that moment, because he felt the same. It had been years since he had last been to this place, the beaches of Iwatobi, somewhere that they surely both looked back upon fondly. Tearing his eyes away, he gathered their things together into a neat pile before sitting down, returning to watching Rin from his spot on the sand.

Jumping into the water, the waves lapped at Rin’s ankles and he almost drew back from the chilling temperatures, but he didn’t let himself. Instead, he laughed, a sound that reminded Haruka of the wind chimes that the elderly shopkeepers hung outside their stores in the summer months. It was clear, comforting, and from where Haruka was, he could feel the pure joy emanating from Rin.

Dipping his hands into the waves, Rin cupped them and pulled them back out again, water filling his palms. After staring fondly at it, he used it to smooth his hair back, dampening the strands and letting the stray drops of water fall onto his bare shoulders, sliding down his arms and soaking his tank top. Closing his eyes as he took in just how refreshing the cool water was, Rin’s hands lay on the nape of his neck, and he breathed out, a relaxed smile beautifully adorning his features.

Haruka felt at a loss for words as he watched, not sure if he was warm from the sun or the sight before him. Light played against the droplets of water that trailed against Rin’s skin, casting an almost-glow on him. Then, he looked back to where Haruka sat, their gazes meeting and making Haruka’s heart flutter.

Bangs pushed back, Rin’s eyes were as clear as the water itself, and the smile he wore was as radiant as the sun that shone above them. He waved for Haruka to join him, and Haruka didn’t waste a single second. 

Removing his sandals as he stood, he rushed forward, making a splash as he jumped in. He fell forward, the water drenching them both as Rin managed to catch him just before he toppled over. Holding onto Rin’s arms, he closed his eyes, a new sense of calm overwhelming him. He had been to plenty of beaches in the past, but there was something so different about Iwatobi’s. Something welcoming and serene.

Moving out of Rin’s grasp, he stood still and took in a deep breath, only to gasp and jump when Rin began to kick water in his direction with a playful, high-pitched laugh. Haruka figured that Rin was looking for some sort of reaction out of him. If that was what he wanted, that’s what he would get.

Cupping his hands, he managed to send a wave back in Rin’s direction, his chest warming when Rin sputtered and fell back into the water. He giggled as he sat up. They were soaked to the bone, but neither were worried about that at all. Instead, they continued to enjoy themselves in the water for as long as they so pleased.

Rin was the first to return to the beach, stumbling on his way out of the water as he tried to escape another wave that Haruka stirred up. Letting his toes sink into the sand, he put his hands on his hips and tilted his head back, the sun warming his damp skin. Haruka joined him a minute later, trying to keep his clothing from uncomfortably sticking to his skin. It proved useless and he decided to just let the garments dry on their own.

His eyes soon wandered over to Rin, though, and he quickly realized that the soaked tank top he wore hardly covered anything. The cloth stuck to each groove and dip in Rin’s abdomen, went tight around his chest, and--

Haruka stopped himself there, hurriedly looking away from Rin with a tight chest. Despite the cold water that still lingered on his skin, his entire body felt as if it were on fire. Trying to shake any thoughts he had left away, he was glad for a distraction when Rin called out to him.

“We should start looking. I want to get a lot of sea glass before the sun sets.” Moving to his bag, Rin unzipped it and pushed aside a few articles of clothing, bringing out two plastic bags. He gave one to Haruka with a bashful smile. “To be honest, though… I don’t even know what I’m going to do with a bunch of it…”

“I don’t either,” Haruka admitted, airing the bag out as he waited for Rin to continue. He looked like he had something on his mind, judging by the way he parted his lips, only to close them again.

“This is kind of silly,” he finally said, “But I’m glad I get to do this with you. I’ve been looking forward to it for a long time now.”

“...Rin--” Before Haruka could tell him that he felt the same, Rin turned on his heel and marched away, his face a furious shade of red. Staring after him, a laugh bubbled up in Haruka’s chest, but he held it back and instead hurried to catch up to Rin and match his stride.

Grains of sand stuck to the soles of their feet and nestled between their toes as they started their search for the sea glass. Their eyes were sharp for any hints, such as a glint in the sunlight, or maybe something as easy as just stepping on one of the stones. However, after walking for around fifteen minutes, they still found no sign.

Pausing at one point, Rin put a hand on his hip and scratched the back of his head, eyes focused on the ground below them. Haruka waited for him, though he was antsy to keep moving. Then, Rin sighed. “Do you remember where we were last time?”

Narrowing his eyes and pursing his lips, Haruka stared at him, knowing good and well that Rin had enough sense to not ask a question like that. “It was almost twenty years ago--”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Waving his hand in dismissal, Rin wore a snarky grin and moved closer to Haruka, a brow quirked up as he patted his shoulder with mock sympathy. “Old age and bad memory and all that fun stuff, right?”

Before Haruka could say anything about them being only seven months apart, Rin giggled and sprinted past him, going on ahead. Haruka watched him, noticing that the smirk had turned into a silly grin.

What a tease. Despite his agitation, Haruka snorted and ran after him, searching the ground as he tried to catch up. But, even after an hour of searching, they still had nothing to show for it. Just empty sacks and a sun that would soon be setting.

As the minutes ticked by, it was easy for Haruka to notice how Rin’s once eager disposition began to wither away, his smile becoming a frown. That wasn’t something Haruka wanted-- The two of them had returned to Iwatobi _just_ for this, so not finding any sea glass was absolutely out of the question.

While Rin dragged his feet, Haruka walked a few feet ahead of him, kicking the sand around as he went. He hoped that something, anything, would catch his eye, that this whole outing together would amount to something. As he expected, though, nothing happened.

It had been so easy when they were children. Was it because they had been lower to the ground? Was that even a possibility? Or, maybe, it was just because they hadn’t been looking back then. A child’s luck.

Thinking that, Haruka’s shoulders slumped as he waited for Rin to catch up to him.

“Well, it’s no big deal,” Rin mumbled, though it obviously was, judging by the look in his eyes. Haruka couldn’t quite place it, but there was a sadness that didn’t suit Rin. “We could try again tomorrow? I don’t know if sea glass can just magically appear overnight, but it’s worth a try, I guess. We could look for that old spot we first found them at.” He paused, voice growing quieter with a comment that Haruka hardly caught. “Not that I particularly want to go there…”

Haruka didn’t ask him why, figuring that Rin just didn’t want to go through the trouble. Still, his heart sank. It wasn’t like Rin to just quit-- And besides, what was the use in giving up? If it meant making Rin happy, he could search all night. He just wanted to see that smile again, the one Rin had worn when they were kids.

Looking out over the ocean, Haruka glared at the slowly descending sun before turning away from Rin and continuing on. “We still have time,” he said. He heard Rin sigh from behind him, but follow regardless.

For a few more minutes, they walked the expanse of the beach, and the farther they went, the more hope Haruka lost. He knew Rin was getting aggravated, too, but stopping didn’t feel right. He didn’t want to.

“Haru-- Oh.”

Heart jumping, Haruka turned back to Rin, a smile appearing as he saw him squat down and stare at the sand before brushing some aside. Then, his heart fell as quickly as it had swelled, and Rin giggled.

“A crab. How cute.”

“Be serious…”

Glancing up at the comment, Rin raised a brow, humming. “You should be serious, too, Haru. You know we’re not finding anything.”

Clamming up, Haruka looked away, his hands balling up into fists. “But--”

“Like I said, we can give up for today.”

“...I didn’t think you liked giving up.” 

Rin paused and stared at him, and Haruka couldn’t bring himself to meet his eyes. Then, Rin heaved out a sigh as he stood up, moving to put a hand on Haruka’s shoulder. The touch alone was soothing, and Haruka’s tense muscles relaxed under it. Finally, he looked to Rin, his brows knitted together, but he flinched when Rin began poking at the spot between them.

“Hey--”

“You’ll get wrinkles,” Rin scolded, laughing as Haruka brushed his hand away. “And, you know, you’re right.” His smile was gentle. Haruka had to wonder, just _how_ could someone so wild look so tender? “I _don’t_ like giving up. But I know that, sometimes, it’s for the best. Listen, it’ll be getting dark soon-- I texted Makoto and he knows we’re on our way, so let’s go, alright?”

Somehow, Haruka felt as if he were a child being scolded, and it was a bit humiliating. Drawing his lips into a thin line, he looked down to the empty bags in their hands, disheartened. He still didn’t feel good about quitting, but… Rin was right. There wasn’t any use in continuing on when it would amount to nothing. 

“...Fine.”

\--

“When Rin texted me a few weeks ago, I was really surprised… I didn’t expect you two to be coming for a visit.”

Seated in Makoto’s apartment, a simple one that was suited to a bachelor, Haruka and Rin both gave a quiet thank you as their friend set two cups of tea down in front of them. Immediately lifting the drink to his lips, parched after a day of running around, Haruka didn’t say anything in return to Makoto. He hadn’t been the one to really plan the trip-- That was all Rin’s doing.

Besides, he was more interested in the apartment itself. It was his first time there since Makoto had moved, and he thought it fit Makoto more than owning a home. Really, he just couldn’t imagine Makoto as a full-fledged homeowner. Not yet, at least. It would be like they were growing up too quickly.

They were in their twenties, though. It wouldn’t be strange at all. Setting his cup down and staring into the tea that rippled slightly, he spared Makoto a glance as he sat down with them, but he still didn’t say anything as Rin began to speak instead.

“Yeah, sorry,” Rin laughed. “It was kind of last minute for you, right? I didn’t give a lot of warning… But I knew we could count on you.”

“Are you just using me?” Makoto asked, laughing along with Rin as he shook his head. “Of course you can. It’s no problem. Actually, it _has_ been getting kind of lonely…”

“Oh? And I thought you were so happy about moving back to Iwatobi~.”

“ _I am_. It’s just been… Different?” Shrugging, Makoto put the cup to his lips, humming. “It’s been weird, not being able to see my friends all the time like before.” He paused, his eyes darting to Haruka. “Haru especially.”

Frowning, Haruka looked away, lips pursed. If he were being honest, he felt the exact same. For most of their lives, they had lived around each other, so when Makoto had left Tokyo, it had been odd, something Haruka had to adjust to. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t felt a little lonely himself.

But, even as they grew up, they knew in the back of their minds that it had to happen eventually. They could grow as people apart as well as they could together.

Choosing to not add anything to the conversation, Haruka turned his attention to the TV, barely listening to it, nor the idle conversation his two friends were having. He only looked back to them when Makoto stood to go to the kitchen, returning just moments later with a bashful smile.

“Turns out I haven’t done my grocery shopping yet,” he admitted, blushing as Rin snorted. “If you two don’t mind, I need to run to the convenience store--”

“Do you want us to come with?” 

“Ah, no thank you, Rin. I’ll be back as fast as possible.” As he spoke, he was already slipping on his shoes at the entryway before patting his back pocket to make sure he had his wallet on him.

“Whatever you say--” Rin was cut off as the door closed behind Makoto, and he laughed softly, resting his chin in the palm of his hand. “I wonder just how often he forgets to go shopping… Makes me worry…”

Haruka hummed, putting his cup on the table. “Not everyone has the luxury of living right above a convenience store.”

“I _know_ that. Geez.” Sticking his tongue out at Haruka, Rin looked back to the TV, falling silent as he watched the game show that played. Doing the same, Haruka finished off his tea and promptly reached for Rin’s untouched cup as well, ignoring the weak protests from him that stopped quickly.

Quiet atmospheres were never something that bothered Haruka. Rather, he preferred them, he supposed. But something about this hardly felt right. Rin, the talkative, smiley Rin, didn’t speak a word, and that was tough. Despite his earlier silence, Haruka had grown antsy; he wanted to speak to someone-- Rin especially. To just hold a conversation with him, even if it turned into mindless chatter about useless things, even if it turned to a topic both of them had been perfectly avoiding… Weren’t vacations the perfect time for these sorts of things?

Nothing came to mind, though. Rather, he just felt confused with himself. Putting the now empty second cup down, Haruka folded his hands in his lap, shifted in his spot, and stared at Rin’s profile. He looked relaxed, not taking any notice of Haruka’s eyes on him, and that was fine. Haruka was content with just watching him, he supposed. Admiring--

Cheeks flushing, he turned his gaze away, mentally berating himself for acting so strange. He was all out of sorts that day, and he desperately wanted to place the blame on Rin for it, but that wasn’t right. Rin hadn’t done anything wrong.

It was just that… Rin’s mere presence made something weird stir within Haruka, and it was almost scary. He was positive that he was just overthinking things. It was a habit of his, after all, but he couldn’t be sure either. That was even more terrifying.

“Haru.”

Distracted from his thoughts by Rin’s soft voice calling his name, Haruka hummed his acknowledgement, peering at Rin and finding that he had been staring. Heart jumping, Haruka lifted his chin anyways and titled his head. “What is it?”

“You were weird today.”

“...What?”

“You were weird today,” he repeated. Taking the remote, Rin muted the TV and turned to face Haruka fully, leaning against the table with his eyes narrowed. It was as if he were trying to scrutinize Haruka, read his thoughts. “Or… It wasn’t exactly weird, I guess. It’s just…”

The way he trailed off irritated Haruka. First he was weird, then he wasn’t exactly weird, and now he was what? He narrowed his eyes. “Just what.”

Rin didn’t answer immediately, seemingly still trying to sort his thoughts out. When he did, though, he wore a tiny smile. “It’s just… I haven’t seen you look so determined in a long time.”

...Determined? Haruka wasn’t entirely sure what Rin was getting at, or why that was so weird. And what did he mean by a long time? Was it uncommon for him now? Was it ever common in the first place?

His confusion must have been obvious, because Rin laughed and shook his head, having to glance away as he continued explaining himself. “It’s just, when we were kids, you were stubborn. Really stubborn.”

“Hey.”

“Let me finish~.” He smiled at Haruka, and Haruka drew his lips into a thin line as he kept himself from interrupting. “Just… If you didn’t want to do something, you wouldn’t do it. If you didn’t want to listen to someone, you wouldn’t listen. You were very straight forward like that, I think.”

“...Was I?”

“You were. And it was the same the other way, too. Once you had your mind made up about something, whatever it was, you wouldn’t listen to reason, or to what anyone else had to say. It was like you were in your own world most of the time.”

It was difficult to remember whether that was true or not. What Rin remembered was something from a long time ago; Haruka couldn’t be sure if it was all correct, as the mind had a tendency to mix memories up and change them. Of course, though, he had never actually taken the time to analyze his personality as a child. He was too busy with other things to really care about himself. Children didn’t have the burden of forcing themselves to do that.

So, Haruka wondered, why did Rin know these things? What was the _point_ in knowing them? Lips pursed, Haruka turned his head away, his nails curling up into his palms. “I don’t remember--”

“And, you know, for a brat like me, that was really hard to accept,” Rin interrupted, not realizing he had cut Haruka off. “I always felt frustrated, because I felt like I could never get your attention. Like, even if I tried, it would be useless. I hated it, and sometimes I wanted to cry, because it sucks not having attention from the person you want it from the most.”

Those words were enough to make Haruka forget anything he was thinking or feeling, and he could only stare blankly at Rin, dumbstruck. It all led to him just feeling sorry, though, for both himself and Rin. He hadn’t even realized as a child, but if that was how Rin felt back then, he must have been pining after him for a while. If Haruka had been more attentive, less stubborn, then maybe things would have been a little different now.

He wasn’t sure how, though. Paying more attention to Rin wouldn’t have prevented his father’s death.

“But… That was also something I really admired about you.” Rin’s voice was quiet, and there was a light blush dusting his cheeks. “I remember thinking, “Nanse is so cool. He doesn’t let anything get to him. I wish I could be like that. He’s so strong.” Those sorts of things… It’s embarrassing saying it now, but you were someone who was really amazing to me.”

He paused to lift his head, their eyes meeting. There was something tender in the way he looked at Haruka, and Haruka felt his skin begin to tingle, his heart fluttering.

“You still are, and you always have been. You’ve always been one of my largest inspirations-- In art _and_ in life. Even if I didn’t know what you were doing while we were apart, I always assumed it was something incredible, and I wanted to reach that level, too. I didn’t want to someday see you and find that I had been left behind.”

“Rin…”

“And you _have_ done some incredible things, haven’t you? I’ve seen the trophies and medals from the competitions you’ve been in. Those art contests. It’s really something. But--” He stopped and closed his eyes in thought. “You’re not exactly the same as you were when we were kids… You’re still distant, but not the stubborn kind of distant like before. So, I was really happy for today. It was kind of like a fire had returned to you, I think.”

Haruka hoped that Rin didn’t expect a response to everything being said, because he certainly couldn’t think of one. His mind felt empty, bewilderment soon filling it. The fact that Rin thought so highly of him put him at a loss for words, but the first one that soon appeared didn’t surprise him.

Shame.

He was ashamed of himself. Finding out that Rin had put him on a pedestal for most of his life, had expected him to be some kind of wonderful person… Had expected him to still be strong, strong like he was when he was a mere child… Surely he was nothing but a disappointment now. A shell of what he once was.

Even Rin’s words served to show him that. A fire had returned to him? Where had it gone in the first place? When did he lose it? Why did Rin have to notice, out of all things? It must have been awful, having him as an idol, having him as the person he had aspired to be like for so long. He almost found himself apologizing to Rin, but he knew it would just sound odd and out of place. He didn’t want that smile Rin wore to disappear. Still, the negative thoughts crashed about like unforgiving waves in his head.

Rin was right. He _had_ changed. He had become a weakling in all their years apart, withering away to a measly shell. Meanwhile, Rin had grown as a person, shone brightly, garnered his strength. He lived a life that one would be proud to lead, and Haruka didn’t have any words to describe how he felt about his own.

Perhaps bitter and jealous were good starts. His stomach curled, and he felt a slight tinge of pain in his head. He wondered, if he had never chosen this lifestyle, where would he have been now. Happier? Proud of himself? Proud of what he did?

Maybe, but that was also a place without Rin.

And Rin had been right about another thing, too. Today _had_ been different.

Growing up, he had become used to being swept along without protest, heeding to the demands of other people, not letting his spine harden. He knew that, and no matter how many times he repeated it to himself, it never changed. He just never made the attempt.

But there was… There was a _fire_ today, just as Rin had said. Some kind of warmth in his chest that made him tingle and feel good. He wasn’t used to standing his ground-- It seemed that Rin was the only one who really made him, whether it was their past argument and how desperate Haruka had been to reach him, or when he had told Rin they would keep going, because that was what he wanted to do. He didn’t want a single second to be wasted, and it had taken actual time to wear him down.

Thinking that, he began to feel a little better, the weight on his shoulders just a bit lighter. He would be a liar if he said he didn’t know why he had been slowly changing, why he was feeling better about himself lately. To him, the answer was fairly obvious.

It was all Rin. It had to be.

The apology he had wanted to give Rin vanished into thin air, and instead, all he wanted to do was thank Rin, thank him for everything he had been doing without even realizing it. Rin hadn’t said any more, and this was the perfect moment.

“Rin--”

“Hm?”

Their eyes met again, and Rin’s brows raised as he waited for Haruka to speak. The words were on the tip of his tongue, but saying them felt like something entirely different from just thinking them. He grabbed his cup without thinking and held it tightly, as if the tiny ceramic mug would provide some support. Then, he licked his lips, took in a small breath, and as he began, the door opened.

“Sorry, I’m back! That took so long…” Removing his shoes at the entrance, grocery sacks in one hand, Makoto glanced between them. He probably sensed the heavy atmosphere.

“It wasn’t long,” Rin told him, standing to help with the sacks. “Only thirty minutes, I think. Good job.”

“I get praise for something like that…?” Laughing and standing straight, Makoto let Rin take one of the sacks and thanked him. “Well, I’ll accept it. I’ll start on dinner, too.”

“I’ll help with the cooking--”

“Rin, you can cook?” Makoto looked honestly surprised at the newfound fact, making Rin puff up at his astonishment.

“I’m a grown man. Of course I can cook. Can _you?_ ” 

“I’m living by myself! I _have_ to know!”

Haruka listened to the friendly banter with a small smile gracing his lips, though it fell when Rin glanced his way, wearing a look that said he was sorry. Haruka waved it off, and Rin nodded, turning back to Makoto and laughing at some comment he had made. They headed to the kitchen together to start the preparations.

There were many things Haruka wanted to talk about with Rin. He felt that there was a lot to say-- A lot he didn’t know how to say, and a lot that he hadn’t even said to himself. There were many questions, too, ones he was desperate for answers to, but those would be saved for later.

Settled from the previous conversation, he stood and stretched, grunting when his joints popped. Then, he went to join his two closest friends in the kitchen, admittedly worried about just how well they could handle large knives.

\--

After a sleepless night in one of Makoto’s spare futons, Haruka’s mind racing with thoughts of Rin that jumbled together in his drowsiness, he was the first one to get up. Beginning on breakfast for the two that still slept peacefully, he made a cup of coffee for himself, letting the mackerel that Makoto had so kindly purchased in light of his visit grill up nicely.

The beach was his and Rin’s destination again for that day. No matter the circumstances, he wanted to find the sea glass, wanted to see Rin’s face light up as it had when they were children. The picture that formed in his mind made his stomach twist with excitement, and he smiled against the rim of his mug. Even if Rin tried to protest again, even if it took forever to find any, he’d make sure they’d leave with at least _one_ piece.

A few minutes passed in silence, birds outside the apartment beginning their morning song, the sunlight soon filtering in through the blinds over Makoto’s windows. Haruka yawned and leaned against the counter, eyes slipping closed as he heard the other two men begin to stir, prompted awake by the smell of food.

Sitting up, Makoto dragged his hands down his face with a heavy groan, then blinked his eyes towards the wall clock. A few beats passed with him staring dumbly at it, and Haruka watched him without a word, jumping when Makoto suddenly yelped and stood, stepping on Rin’s stomach in the process.

It was enough of a wake-up call for Rin, as he sat up sputtering and holding his gut with his face twisted in pain. “ _Makoto!_ ”

“I’m sorry! But I’ll be late for work!”

In a tizzy, Makoto hurried in and out of the rooms of his apartment, Haruka’s eyes following him as he got himself ready for the day ahead. Not having moved, Rin sat still and rubbed his abdomen, tears pooling in the corners of his eyes. His hair was a mess, the strands sticking out every which way and his bangs hanging loosely in his eyes, yet Haruka found it oddly cute.

After a few more clatters, Makoto was in front of Haruka, trying to fix his clip-on tie as he huffed and puffed. Being so frantic was probably unhealthy.

“Haru, you made breakfast? Thank you so much--” A pause. “Mackerel…?”

“With toast.”

“...Alright, alright. Thank you.” Accepting the odd meal, Makoto ate it quickly, downed a cup of coffee that he had loaded with sugar and cream, and went to slip on his shoes. Just watching him made Haruka want to take a nap. “You two are going out today, right? Lock the door behind you. There’s a spare key under the potted plant outside. I’ll be home about an hour after school lets out, so I’ll see you then!”

Nodding to them both, he was gone, the door clicking closed behind him. Silence followed, Haruka and Rin staring after him before sharing a glance. Then, Rin snorted and fell back against his futon with an amused sigh.

“What’s with that? A key under the plant? I didn’t know Makoto was a latchkey kid~.”

“That would have gotten him killed in Tokyo,” Haruka murmured with a smile, wondering if Makoto had done it back then, too. If he had, Haruka hadn’t known. “Reckless.”

“Yeah, no kidding. Anyone could have gotten into his apartment…” Pausing, Rin grinned up at the ceiling as he ran his fingers through his already mussed up hair. “Someone like--”

“Kisumi.”

“Right!”

Laughing again, Rin sat up and reached for the TV remote, immediately turning it to a news station. He accepted the piece of mackerel and cup of coffee Haruka handed him, though he made a point to complain about how he had wanted eggs and bacon. There was no venom behind his words and smile, and Haruka snorted.

“Hmm…” Grimacing as the weather came on, Rin swallowed the piece of fish he chewed on. “Looks like it’s supposed to rain today.”

“What’s the chance?” Haruka kneeled next to him, tying on the apron he had found in one of Makoto’s kitchen drawers. He figured that doing the dishes his friend had piled up on the counter would be a good thank you for letting them stay.

“Eighty percent,” Rin answered, glancing at Haruka as their shoulders touched.

“So it’ll probably rain.”

“Most likely.”

Their conversation ended there as they both fell silent, neither paying attention to what the reporter was saying anymore. Sparing Rin a glance, Haruka noticed the red dusting his cheeks, and he figured that Rin had realized just how domestic that had sounded, too. He didn’t dare ask.

“...I’ll help with the dishes,” Rin finally muttered, changing the topic. “Poor Makoto, the working man. So busy he can’t even clean up after himself.”

“Don’t tease him--”

“As if you don’t too~.” Rin stood and looked down at Haruka with a smile. “Times like these make me wish we had been in high school together.”

“...Yeah.” Haruka got up with him, not looking him in the eye. It was best to not linger on the past, he felt. “You can take a bath, if you want. I’m fine cleaning them by myself.”

Rin took a moment to think it over, then shook his head, already heading for the kitchen. “I’ll take one after we’re done. We want to spend a lot of time at the beach today, right? Let’s get there before it starts raining. It’ll be faster this way.”

Only giving a small nod in response, Haruka went to join him, heart pounding as he helped Rin tie on another spare apron. He didn’t understand why this was something to get worked up over, out of all possible things. His imagination had become too rampant. 

Before long passed, the dishes were all washed, dried, and put away. Neither had spoken much during it, only making a few comments here and there. Rin stated that he wanted to go out to eat for lunch that day, and Haruka agreed, a few places already in mind. Rin went for a bath right after, Haruka doing the same once Rin was done.

Just as Makoto had said, a key lay under the potted plant, a perfect fit to his door. Picking it up, Haruka had to shush Rin when he began to laugh, telling him to not disturb the neighbors. He said that, but he couldn’t help but laugh a few times himself. Makoto was truly a character, just as he had always been. It was nostalgic, being around him again.

Leaving the apartment complex behind, the two of them set out again, though they didn’t immediately head for the beach. Instead, they found themselves wandering further into the small town, Rin wearing a content smile. Then, he paused, giggling quietly.

“That’s the place where Makoto got brain freeze and started crying,” he mumbled, nodding to the small store with a freezer full of treats sitting outside its door. 

It took a few moments for Haruka to remember, but then he snorted, nudging Rin gently. “That’s odd. I remember you crying, too.”

“Hey-- I couldn’t help myself. I thought he was dying.”

“You were such kids…”

“And you weren’t?”

Shrugging, Haruka continued on, and Rin huffed before following him. The more they walked, the more distant memories began to resurface, just seeing the places reminding both men of things that had happened. They passed a certain store, and Rin paused again. Following his gaze, it was easy for Haruka to remember what had happened.

After a long day of playing and exploring, the three tired boys were headed home, only for a sudden downpour to start. Scared, they had run for cover, ending up under the awning of that place. The sound of the raindrops hitting against the metal furthered their fear, and at that point, they were stuck. With no one in the store, they had no options but to just wait until the rain passed.

It had taken a while, though, and after a sniffly confession that he was afraid he’d never get to go home again, Rin fell asleep against Haruka’s shoulder. His nose, cheeks, and eyes were all red, and with gusts of wind that blew the cold rain against their bare skin, he had begun to shiver. Makoto did the same, huddling close to the other two boys.

At that time, Haruka didn’t voice that he was also scared. He was the oldest one of them-- It was his responsibility to keep them safe and happy. It was as simple as that, though it was hard to keep himself from trembling at the cold air as well. By the time they were finally able to make it home, they had all come down with heavy fevers.

The awning was gone now. It had become a totally different place since then, remodeled to the point where it was hardly recognizable, especially to someone who had been gone for so long. Haruka expected Rin to say something about that, but he didn’t, instead continuing on without a word.

Haruka followed close behind, sensing a barely noticeable shift in the air around them. He made no comment on it, though, instead moving to Rin’s side and giving him a small smile. “I know a place we can eat at.”

“Yeah? Is it new?”

He shook his head. “No. It’s been around for ten years now, probably.”

Rin hummed at that before looking forward, and Haruka worried that he may have said something bad. He didn’t ask, of course, instead leading the way to the restaurant. It was a small, family-owned place, but what had kept it popular for so long were the popular, well-liked meals it provided.

The owners immediately recognized Haruka as he walked in, and they welcomed him back to Iwatobi, saying they were glad to see him again. Haruka told them the same and thanked them, then took a seat with Rin, skimming through the menu despite already knowing what he liked. Instead, he ended up watching Rin, jumping when Rin’s foot nudged at his ankle.

“What.”

“They like you, huh? Did you get popular after I left or something? I didn’t expect that of you~.”

“Is that an insult?” Haruka asked with a snort. Then, he sighed, putting his chin in his palm. “This place is good… It was popular among my classmates, and it’s close to my home, so I ended up coming here a lot. Usually with Makoto, though.”

Ah, that reminded him. Laughing again, his smile turned into something more amused.

“Makoto was pretty popular in middle and high school. One time, he came here with me and a girl from our class before he realized she had actually asked him out.”

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m not.”

Watching Rin restrain himself from bursting out into a fit of laughter made Haruka’s heart flutter, and he silently apologized to Makoto, knowing that he probably would have cried if Haruka had reminded him of that time. It was cruel to tell Rin, but… Well, it was something more memorable that he had wanted to share, he supposed.

“It sounds like you two had fun,” Rin commented, closing his menu and leaning back in his chair. “I’m jealous.”

Rin’s words made Haruka’s smile disappear, his stomach dropping as he stared at him. There was no malice behind his words, but… But this had been unfair. Lowering his eyes to his lap, Haruka bit down on his lower lip, his fingers curling up into his palms. “I’m sorry--”

“Wait, wait.”

A second later, Rin’s hand was resting against Haruka’s cheek, giving it a gentle pat and making him jump. Haruka looked back up, his throat tightening at Rin’s gentle expression.

“Rin--”

“Listen, just because I had an awful time in my time away from you, doesn’t mean you should feel bad because you had it better than me. I’m glad you did--” He paused, his fingers lingering against Haruka’s cheek before he pulled back. “If you had been in the same situation… I would have hated that. You don’t deserve it.”

How Rin could say such kind words was beyond Haruka. Unable to say anything in return, he lowered his gaze again, only giving a weak nod. When one of the owners came over to get their orders, he was thankful, glad for a break in the conversation. Otherwise, he felt he would have suffocated under the guilt.

Enjoying their light lunch, they left the restaurant with full stomachs and kind words from the family. Back outside, the sun still hanging high in the sky and beating down on the backs of their necks, they continued on their stroll. Haruka didn’t say much, because he felt that there wasn’t much to say.

Really, though, his heart still ached from what Rin had said earlier. Despite him saying that he didn’t want Haruka to feel guilty, it wasn’t such an easy thing to do. He felt foolish for telling Rin that story, especially when he knew that Rin had never been able to experience something like that when he was younger--

“Haru.”

Jolting when he bumped into Rin’s back, Haruka looked at him with his brows knitted together, a sense of dread overtaking him as Rin stared back. At first, silence, but then Rin was heaving out a sigh as he shoved his hands into his pockets. He sounded totally exasperated, and Haruka almost took offense.

“What--”

“You’re still beating yourself up over that, right? I can tell, because your forehead is all scrunched up. Remember what I said about wrinkles?” 

Rin was trying to joke around and lighten the mood, but Haruka couldn’t bring himself to find it funny. Pouting, he looked away. “Shut up.”

“Haru, I already told you. You shouldn’t feel bad because you had a happier time than I did. We grew up in separate places, apart from each other. That isn’t your fault, and it isn’t mine, either. It’s _his_ \--” He stopped himself short, looking away as well as his voice grew quieter. “It’s no one’s fault, okay? We’re here now.” A pause. “We’re here… Together. That’s what matters. Got it?”

When Haruka didn’t immediately answer or nod, Rin sighed again, then reached forward to run his fingers through Haruka’s hair. He gave the dark locks a short ruffle that made strands fly each and every way, and Haruka jumped before grunting and pushing Rin away as he laughed.

Finally, he nodded, just so Rin would be happy and get off his back. Rin thought it a good enough response and kept moving forward, but as they walked, Haruka’s mind was elsewhere. A happier life…? He didn’t consider a happy life to be one that consisted of constantly beating himself up, hating himself, finding themselves weak and pathetic.

Really, had their lives been all that different? He had to wonder.

“Hey, Haru--”

“What now.”

“Don’t _what now_ me. Geez.” Rin frowned at him before pointing in a different direction, towards a small dentist’s office. “I might be wrong, but… Wasn’t there once a tree there?”

Following Rin’s finger, Haruka’s heart fell. A tree… He was right. Staring for a few moments, he nodded. “Yeah…”

Rin fell silent, and when he spoke again, it sounded as if his voice was straining. “It was that tree, wasn’t it.”

“...Yeah.”

It didn’t take much for Haruka to remember. After all, that tree had been something special. In spring, the cherry blossoms bloomed beautifully. During winter, it still stood proudly, its branches reaching long and far. When they were younger, it had been a popular spot for the three boys, and Rin had loved it the most back then.

“So they cut it down for this, huh…” Rubbing the back of his neck, Rin looked to the ground, and Haruka could tell he was disappointed. “Well… I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but…” Trailing off again, a solemn smile graced his lips. “You remember that time where we saved the kitten from one of the branches. I had to stand on your shoulders, and we both got all scraped up… Makoto had to run for help…”

“Mm…”

“And we got scolded really badly, too.”

“Yeah.”

Rin paused again. “...Hey, were our names still carved into it?”

“They wouldn’t have disappeared so easily.” The name carving… Thinking back on it, Haruka thought it embarrassing, but he supposed that was just how kids were. Naive, innocent… Or, at least, that was how Rin had been. It was his idea in the first place. “Makoto was disappointed when it was cut down.”

“Weren’t you?”

“...I was.”

Rin smiled at that and patted Haruka’s back, giving one final glance to the spot before moving on. Haruka figured that he didn’t want to linger, and he couldn’t blame him for that. It was an important memory with a depressing end, no matter how they looked at it.

Leaving the town, the pair eventually found themselves in the neighborhoods, the calm and quiet atmosphere refreshing and familiar to Haruka. The long cracks in the pavement with green weeds sticking out from them, bicycles leaning against walls and homes, flower gardens barely visible from behind tall fences, and the occasional laugh from a child… Every single little thing made Haruka miss his town, made him want to return home soon.

Rin was quiet, though, hands in his pockets as he looked around. The peaceful nature of the neighborhood seemed to have calmed him, despite the previous conversation. Then, he looked straight ahead, breaking out into a smile and tugging on Haruka’s sleeve.

“The playground?” he murmured. “It’s still here?”

Haruka followed Rin’s gaze and saw the familiar scene of the small, local park. The jungle gym and swings were untouched that day, just a bit of rust having built up on them, which was to be expected. It looked exactly as it had since Haruka had last visited. Smiling, he nodded, jolting when Rin ran ahead.

“Rin--”

“It’s so small now!” he laughed, immediately jumping onto one of the swings as it moved forward. “Time really flies, doesn’t it!” As he said that, he jumped from the seat, stumbling as he landed on the ground in front of him. “Damn. Still can’t get that perfect landing.”

Haruka stood still, simply wanting to just watch Rin. It was so odd-- He had seen a scene like this many times before, but now it was a far off memory. Still, though, even through the fog, he could see the child that fumbled and laughed and smile, his hair blowing in the wind, his hands dirtied by the metal of the chains holding the swing up. It was all so familiar and all so foreign, and Haruka couldn’t bring himself to look away.

Then, he smiled, moving forward so he could join Rin. He was much quieter about it, though. Leaning against the swingset, he watched Rin compare his height to the jungle gym, its yellow paint chipped and cracks. A few of the metal bars were bent from years of use. He snorted when Rin huffed. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just, when I was little, I never was actually able to get fully across this thing. I’d always end up falling--”

“And crying.”

“ _Anyways_. I’m just thinking, it’s a little unfair.” Looking to Haruka, he smiled. “Why couldn’t it have grown with me, you know?”

Humming, Haruka went to compare his height, not telling Rin that crossing the bars was a feat he had accomplished many times before. “Grow with you, huh.” He felt a bit glad that at least some things had stayed the same.

Rin walked away after that, and Haruka heard him lowly whistle, prompting his attention. He stood near a circular flower garden near the center of the small playground, staring down at the blooming flowers. “This is still here, too, huh…”

“Yeah.” Haruka went to him and kneeled next to it, tracing his finger over the cracked concrete that had stems and vines spilling over the sides. There were some words and drawings painted on it, mostly from the neighborhood kids. He wouldn’t admit to being one of the ones who vandalized it, looking over the small fish that he had drawn years ago. “You loved this garden.”

“I did.” Kneeling down with him, Rin’s expression was a fond one. “There was just something about it, I think…”

“Like what?”

Rin shrugged, thumbing a blue petal. “I’m not sure. Maybe it was the flowers. Or… Maybe it was because it was close to you.”

Staring at Rin, Haruka tilted his head, not understanding. “What?”

“Mm… How do I say it… I just remember that when I was little and I would be heading over to your place, I used this garden-- Well, the park itself, as sort of a landmark. It made me think, “I’m getting closer to Nanase!” Or something like that.” He smiled sheepishly, plucking the petal off. “Kids are weird, right?”

Haruka’s heart had warmed at the statement, and he looked away, plucking a red petal for himself with his lips pursed. “No. It was just you.”

“Hey…” 

Rin laughed, though, and Haruka had to smile just a bit. He could remember well, just how much Rin had loved the garden. Back then, he had always been so eager to just be around it, and it was often that he took Haruka by the wrist to show it to him every day he possibly could. Haruka would call him annoying, because they had both seen the garden dozens of times before, but Rin’s excitement would never waver.

_“A new flower bloomed today, Nanase!”_

_“I found a bird egg in the dirt, Nanase!”_

_“Nanase, an ant hill! Look at the ant hill!”_

They were always such mundane things, but just to make Rin happy, Haruka would still look, knowing that Rin would soon move onto something new as he always did. It had been exhausting, but… Looking back on those days, Haruka remembered having fun. He had enjoyed that time, because Rin had been there with him.

He wanted to tell Rin this, but before he could, Rin spoke. “Things really change, don’t they.” His voice was quiet, and his smile had disappeared. “We change, too.”

Listening to him, Haruka could only stare before his throat tightened and his chest began to ache again. Things did change-- They changed a _lot_. Growing up in Iwatobi, Haruka had never noticed, because that was just his daily life, but now… Now that he was able to see Rin in this place all these years later, it was jarring.

Unsure of what to say, Haruka watched as Rin traced the outline of a little star some child had drawn, the colors faded out. Then, he put his hands on his knees and stood himself up with a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck as he took a few glances around.

“Your house is pretty close by, isn’t it? With that shrine at the top of the staircase. Let’s go visit.”

The change in conversation threw Haruka off, and he stumbled to follow Rin when he went on ahead. Reaching the staircase only took a short walk, and standing at the bottom of it, Haruka heard Rin lowly whistle again.

“These used to be so much bigger…”

Glancing over at him with a brow quirked up, Haruka hummed. “Do you think you can still run up them like you used to? You _have_ gotten old--”

“I’m more worried about _you_ ,” Rin shot back, his lips spreading out into a grin, his interest obviously piqued. “I doubt you can even reach the top anymore, what with those old man bones of yours~.”

Narrowing his eyes at Rin, Haruka looked back up the staircase. This would be no problem. He was still plenty young, and it wasn’t like he hadn’t gone up it hundreds of times before. “Want to find out?”

“Obviously.”

Taking their stances, Haruka listened as Rin counted down from five, and then they were off as soon as he shouted _“Go!”_ , the sound of their shoes slapping against the stone ringing in Haruka’s ears as he climbed the staircase. The gentle breeze had turned into a harsh wind that pushed against him. He wasn’t sure where Rin was, he wasn’t sure if he had gotten ahead or fallen behind, but he could still feel him there. It only spurred Haruka on, his heart hammering as a smile reached his lips.

This feeling hadn’t changed at all. They had always been competitive and fiery spirits as children-- Well, Rin had been, at least, but his fire always rubbed off on Haruka in moments like these.

When they reached the top of the staircase, Haruka nearly fell into the grass, horribly out of breath. He wasn’t getting any younger, and those stairs weren’t getting any shorter. Being an artist and sometimes working at a dry cleaners didn’t require a lot of exercise out of him, after all.

Bending over and putting his hands on his knees, he took in large gulps of air, hearing Rin panting right beside him. Sparing a glance at him, he was met with a grin that made his already racing heart beat faster, and he felt dizzy.

“I... totally... won...!”

“You… You didn’t--” Groaning, Haruka moved to sit in the grass, the cool blades under his palms welcoming. Closing his eyes, he felt Rin sit beside him, and then laugh.

“Okay, so… Maybe I should work morning jogs into my schedule…” 

Haruka nodded, pushing his bangs back. His cheeks were probably flushed, and he figured he looked kind of pathetic, but Rin was the same. His hair was windblown, some strands sticking to his sweaty forehead. Despite that, he still somehow looked beautiful, but Haruka didn’t allow himself to think that for too long.

“Same here,” he murmured, falling back against the ground and staring at the sky. Grey clouds were beginning to move in, but he didn’t think much of them. “We’re not the kids we used to be.”

“No kidding.” Pulling his knees up to his chest, Rin laughed softly, looking down at Haruka. “Back then, those stairs hadn’t been a problem, but now I’m just dizzy. I can’t imagine how you feel--”

“I’m not that weak--” He cut himself off and grimaced, instead looking away. “I’m not that old. Anyways, I don’t get it.”

“Get what?”

“If you’re this worn out,” he muttered, “Then how are you this… Muscular.”

“Muscular?” Rin looked when Haruka pointed out his arms, and he hummed. “Oh. Sousuke is one of those body builder types, so I join him.” Then, he snarkily grinned. “Jealous?”

“Hardly.”

Rin laughed at that, then leaned back with him, putting his arms behind his head as he closed his eyes. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes, wanting to enjoy the cool breeze instead. Haruka soon turned his head to watch Rin, hoping that he wasn’t planning on taking a nap here. Thinking that, he reached over, pinching the bridge of Rin’s nose.

“Hey, stop that--”

“Wake up.”

“I _am_ awake.”

“If you don’t get up, you’ll get eaten by the poisonous ants.”

Rin’s eyes popped open at that, and he sat up, staring down at Haruka with his face twisted in confusion. “Poisonous ants?”

“Yeah. While you were gone, a deadly new breed was discovered in Iwatobi… They eat flesh--”

“What kind of imagination is that…” Rin pursed his lips, but jumped when a blade of grass tickled his hand. “It… It _is_ just imagination, right?”

“Is it?” Of course it was, but Haruka wouldn’t let Rin know that. Instead, he smiled and stood, hearing Rin huff before doing the same.

Once both had popped their aching joints, Haruka followed Rin to the small shrine. Standing in front of it, they each tossed a coin in, then clapped their hands together for a short prayer. They weren’t meant to speak, but Rin did anyways.

“Please let Haru live to old age, despite how weak he’s getting-- Ouch.”

Taking the liberty of elbowing Rin in the side, Haruka finished his prayer before moving to stand at the top of the staircase. He looked out over the expanse of the neighborhood, the ocean in his view, its waves rippling and foaming against the beach. He remembered how the same spot had made him feel as if he were on top of the world as a child.

“It’s a nice spot,” Rin commented, as if he had read Haruka’s mind. “I’m jealous that you and Makoto got to see this view whenever you wanted.”

“It probably doesn’t compare to the beaches of Okinawa.”

“You’d be surprised.” Saying that, he began to head down the stairs, hands shoved into his pockets. He glanced back up at Haruka. “I’m ready to get to the beach. C’mon, Haru.”

Nodding, Haruka followed him down, though he paused when they passed his home. He meant to just linger for a few seconds, but Rin had already noticed, raising a brow. 

“Your parents home?”

“No,” he answered. “They’re usually not. They should think about retiring…”

“Oh, so you’re saying they’re old.”

Haruka shrugged, and Rin laughed. It wasn’t like his parents not being there was anything new-- As he had gotten older, they had gotten busier. Free spirits, as Makoto had described them. Haruka preferred they stayed that way.

As they neared the sidewalk, a gentle coo caught their attention this time, and Haruka had to wonder how long it would be before they got to the beach. “Oh my. I was right. Hello, boys.” 

Immediately recognizing the wispy, drawn-out voice, Haruka smiled, thoughts of the ocean disappearing. He turned to the old woman and approached her, allowing her to give him a hug. “Tamura-san. It’s been a while.”

“It has, Haru-chan!”

“Tamura-san?” Rin repeated, frowning as he tried to remember. Then, he grinned. “Ohh, Tamura-san! The one who always gave us snacks! It’s me, Matsuo--”

“Matsuoka Rin. I remember, dear.” Pulling him into a hug as well and commenting on how big he had gotten, she patted his back before smiling at the two of them, her wrinkles stretching in a way that Haruka had grown used to. “I didn’t think I’d get to see you two together again! This is a surprise. Now all we need is Mako-chan and my favorite little trio would be complete.”

“Makoto’s at work,” Haruka told her, and she gave a nod, cooing.

“Ohh, my… The years pass by so fast for you young people, hm? And to think, you were the loud little boys who used to race up these stairs each day…” As she said that, her brows quirked up. “Well, it looks like some things haven’t changed, hm?”

Both of them flushed at her words, a little ashamed about being caught in the moment. Rin laughed as he rubbed the back of his neck. “S-Sorry. It was just a nostalgia run--”

“Don’t apologize, dear,” she interrupted, patting him on the chest. “It was nice to see! Makes me feel young and full of life again.”

Rin grinned when he heard that, complimenting her on her muscles, and they shared a laugh. “Really, I’m glad you’re still here after all this time,” he said. “The food you cooked for my family was always the best. Mom still brings it up, actually. She must really miss it.”

“Ohh, I’ll have to send a care package!”

“We’d love that!”

Listening to the two of them warmed Haruka’s heart, and he stayed at the sidelines, allowing Rin his moment to catch up, to relearn the different parts of Iwatobi. Tamura was right when she said that much hadn’t changed, regardless of how much it seemed like it.

For one, Rin was still good at sweet talking the elders of the neighborhood. As a kid, it had annoyed Haruka, because who the hell wanted to get close to old people? He understood now, of course-- Enjoy the time you have with them, for it could end in the blink of an eye.

Or the crash of a wave.

The sound of seagulls crying overhead and a ship’s horn blaring in the distance caught their attention, Haruka turning his head when a salty breeze brushed past him. Then, he looked to Rin, who nodded before taking Tamura’s hand within his own.

“I’ll tell my mom that I ran into you, alright? It was so good to see you again, Tamura-san. I hope I can visit again soon.”

“Please do, dear. We need more young, handsome faces around. I’m afraid all we have is Haru-chan’s father, and he’s getting up there--”

Haruka snorted when the two of them laughed, and he started heading down the stairs again, heading for the beach. He didn’t hear Rin follow, though, making him glance back to find that Tamura still held Rin’s hand. Their smiles were gone now, her expression serious and his lips downturned in a frown. Haruka couldn’t make out what they were saying, but a twinge of worry passed through him.

Then, Rin’s frown turned into a soft smile, and he patted her arm as he spoke. Whatever he said made her relax, and they nodded to each other, Rin giving her a final hug before he jogged to join Haruka. “Sorry,” he said. “I’m ready now.”

“What were you two talking about?”

“Oh, nothing…” He trailed off, looking ahead. “She just asked how Mom was doing.”

“Ah.”

For such a simple question, Tamura had looked awfully grave. He didn’t press any further, though, his pace picking up when Rin moved a bit of a ways ahead, going across the road to where the sidewalks connected to the boat docks lay. Haruka managed to match his stride again, and they walked side by side.

“It was nice to see Tamura-san again,” Rin mused, a content smile on his lips. “She hasn’t changed. Still a sweet old lady.”

“Mm.”

“But were we really that energetic as kids? She made us sound like we had the stamina of professional athletes or something.”

“ _You_ did,” Haruka hummed, smiling when Rin’s cheeks turned red. “You were loud, and annoying, and you wore everyone out--”

“Okay, okay! I get it, sheesh.” Pouting, he looked away, making Haruka snort. “But… I’ve gotten better, right?”

“You’ve changed,” Haruka agreed, though he paused. “Well, no… You’re still annoying--”

“Are you bullying me?”

“I am.”

Rin acted as if he were hurt, but then he laughed, giving Haruka a gentle shove as they walked along. “Well, I had my reasons to be energetic, you know.”

“Reasons?”

“You.” 

Haruka nearly stopped walking when Rin said that, staring at his back with both brows raised in surprise. Rin didn’t seem to think anything of it, though, still smiling as if he had said nothing. For a moment, Haruka thought he had maybe heard wrong, but then Rin began speaking again, his voice soft.

“It was because of you that my days back then were happy ones,” he said, looking to Haruka with fond eyes, his lips spread out in a smile. Haruka could hardly bring himself to return the gaze, his heart beginning to hammer. “And what I said earlier about things changing? They do-- They change a lot, but that hasn’t changed at all. You still make me really happy, Haru. My days right now are happy ones because of you--”

“And Makoto,” Haruka added hurriedly, feeling that his growing dizziness would only get worse if Rin continued. The pounding of his heart was already ringing in his ears. He could hardly take it.

Rin seemed taken aback by the sudden statement, but when he finally realized all he had been saying, his face looked as if it had been set aflame, the blush rising from his neck and up to his ears. He immediately looked away, a rather panicked and flustered laugh leaving him. “Y-Yeah! And Makoto! Definitely!”

“Y-Yeah.”

A tense silence followed, but Rin did his best to break it by starting a new conversation. Haruka could barely listen, mostly because hearing Rin’s voice probably wouldn’t help. Instead, he focused on listening to the quiet waves wash up at the shoreline, warm breezes occasionally hitting them. They passed the boating docks, a few motorboats bobbing in the water as fishermen sat around enjoying each others company, a faint alcoholic smell drifting past Haruka’s nostrils. He hummed and scrunched up his nose, turning his head away.

Despite it, the hearty laughter of the men cheered him up. It had been something he heard each day heading to school; it felt like home, he supposed.

After a few moments of being out of it, simply enjoying the sounds the ocean brought, Haruka realized that the tapping of shoes against the pavement had turned to only one pair. He glanced back, ready to ask Rin why he had stopped walking, but then he paused.

Rin’s gaze was focused towards the fishing docks, his expression a somber one. His hands hung at his sides, his fingers curled up into his palms, and when another breeze from the ocean blew past them, the strands of his hair moved with it, rippling and falling against his cheeks and forehead again.

His eyes held no feeling. They were a blank slate, and it made Haruka uneasy, because it wasn’t something befitting of Rin. Rin’s eyes were the true gateways to his soul, whether they were glistening with hope or tears.

A backdrop of pale blue with tufts of grey behind him, Haruka couldn’t keep himself from staring, losing himself in that moment. Despite his uneasiness, a feeling that clutched at and twisted his heart, he was mesmerized. With that solemn look, that quiet demeanor, Rin looked stunning in a way Haruka couldn’t describe.

Then, Rin looked away from the docks, tensing where their eyes met. Haruka snapped himself out of his trance, and after staring at each other for a few beats of silence, Rin was the first to speak. “W-What is it?”

Haruka knew it wasn’t the humid air that made his body grow warm. Trying to find his words, he finally gave up and looked away, embarrassed. “Nothing. Let’s go.”

“...Yeah.”

Heading onto the beach, their feet sinking into the mounds of sand, Haruka glanced around with a warm heart. It was a spot he had frequented many times as a child, since it was so close to his home. He had often visited with Makoto, and Rin when he lived there. He just couldn’t remember the exact spot they had found when they were children, and he doubted they would again. A coincidence like that couldn’t happen so effortlessly.

“Another day, another search,” Rin murmured, walking a few steps ahead of Haruka, his eyes on the sand below them. “I hope we find something today…”

“We will,” Haruka said firmly, making Rin turn to him with a brow raised. He repeated himself. “We will.”

“...Yeah.” Pleased with Haruka’s determination, Rin beamed and continued moving forward, whistling as they walked the shoreline. Then, he took a glance up, a low hum leaving this throat. “Looks like it probably _will_ rain…”

He was right. More and more of the clouds overhead had turned into a dark grey color, looking as if they were ready to start a downpour at any moment. Silently wishing that it would stall until they found at least a few pieces of sea glass, Haruka jogged to walk alongside Rin. “It feels nice out, though.”

“Yeah, it does. Kind of relaxing.”

“Yeah.”

With nothing much to say, a comfortable quiet took them, both wanting to just enjoy each other’s company with the breezes that ruffled their hair and left the scent of salt water lingering on them. How serene it was didn’t distract them from their mission, of course, but it was still nice to be together during a moment like this.

When close to an hour passed and they still hadn’t stumbled upon anything, Rin’s smile had already disappeared, and he looked as if he were getting bored. Haruka didn’t blame him for that; walking the beach when your situation seemed futile would bore anyone, but he still wasn’t pleased. Staring intensely at the ground, he tried to find something shiny peeking out from the grains of sand, but all that he saw were broken shells and pebbles. He put them in the plastic bag anyways, since Rin had commented on them being pretty.

Still though, it wasn’t sea glass, so it wasn’t right. As more time ticked by, Haruka’s steps became slower, Rin eventually taking the lead and walking a few ahead of him. In Rin’s hands he held his shoes, and Haruka found himself stepping on Rin’s footprints, as if he were following a trail. It was irritating that Rin’s were larger than his own.

He was taken out of his diligent concentration by a drop of water hitting the top of his head, and then another, but no more followed. Looking up to check if Rin had noticed, he said nothing when it appeared the other hadn’t felt anything. A shower would probably start soon enough.

“Not really getting anywhere, are we…” Sighing heavily, Rin rubbed at the back of his neck, lips drawn into a thin line. “Maybe we should think about heading back soon… Unless you have something to say?” Turning to look back at Haruka, he wore a smile as he waited for an answer.

It was obvious that Haruka was being tested, and he didn’t plan on any disappointment coming out of their trip to Iwatobi. Knitting his brows together, he looked to his feet and dug his toes into the sand, then spoke quietly. “Let’s keep looking.”

“I thought so.”

Saying that, Rin continued on, Haruka still not matching his stride as he searched for the glass. Another ten minutes passed, and there was still a whole lot of nothing. Then, another ten minutes. Again, nothing. He was growing more and more frustrated, and he eventually took to kneeling down, digging his fingers through the sand.

“Haru, you look like a kid when you do that,” Rin teased, turning to go stand by him as he worked. “Anything?”

“Nothing-- Wait.” He looked up to Rin with his eyes narrowed. “Why am I the only one looking. You do it, too.” 

Rin snorted, then kneeled down beside him with a mock sigh, digging his fingers into the sand as well. “Yeah, yeah.”

Pleased with the help, Haruka looked down into the small hole he had made, only going deeper as the sun beat down on his back. He soon moved to a different spot, giving it the same treatment, but it amounted to nothing. When his heart began to fall, he heard Rin giggle, making him turn to find Rin grinning down at the sand. A twinge of excitement hit him.

“Did you find anything--” He stopped. “What are you doing.”

“I’m drawing you in the sand.”

“What.”

Crawling back over to him, Haruka stared at the badly drawn portrait in the ground, the angles of his “face” jagged, it being more akin to some kind of cartoon character. So this was Rin’s weakness...

“That’s not me.”

“It’s totally you.”

“Is this how you see me?”

Lifting his gaze to Haruka, Rin squinted at him, as if he actually had to think about it. “I did the bangs wrong.”

“Hey.” Glaring when Rin laughed, Haruka looked back to the monstrosity in the sand, tilting his head to the side before pointing. “My eyes aren’t like that.”

“Like what?”

“They’re not just lines with half-circles under them--”

“They are.”

They took a few moments to stare one another down, then Haruka scoffed, having to look away as he muttered, “You suck.”

The comment caught Rin’s attention, of course, and he leaned in closer with his brows knit together. “What was that? You wanna repeat yourself, Haru? I’d like to see _you_ try! Sand is hard to work with, you know!”

“I can do better,” he said matter-of-factly, taking his index finger and tracing it through the sand, first creating a circle before following up with a short body, wings attached at the sides. Legs were added right after, and he moved onto the face, feeling Rin watching him closely.

Drawing in the eyes and a beak, he sat back, feeling totally pleased with himself. Then he looked to Rin, ready for any kind of comment. However, Rin simply stared at the drawing, his face twisted in confusion.

Finally, he spoke. “What the fuck is that.”

Haruka tensed at his comment and looked at him as if he had grown a second head, feeling absolutely offended. “How could you say that, Rin-- Oh.” So that was it. “He was introduced after you left…”

“ _Who_ is _he?_ ”

“Iwatobi-chan,” was the immediate answer. “Iwatobi’s esteemed and well-loved mascot. He’s a rockhopper penguin, and there’s many versions of him-- I can tell you them, if you want--”

“I don’t want to know.” Rin laughed and shook his head before standing up, saying something about Haruka being an enigma. Haruka chose to ignore the offhand comment. Then, Rin opened up the bag on his shoulder, taking his digital camera from it. Haruka moved to get out of the picture, but Rin stopped him. “No, stay there. Pose for me.”

“What.” 

Rin insisted, telling him to do something before the tide took their “masterpieces” away from them. Confused, Haruka eventually threw up his fingers in a peace sign, blinking his eyes when the flash hit him. Rin cooed over the picture, wearing a toothy grin.

“You look so ugly in this.”

“Delete it.”

“No way~.”

Jumping back when Haruka moved to grab the camera, Rin tutted and shook his head, making sure it was safe and secure back in his bag. Haruka couldn’t help but smile a bit when Rin laughed and said something about that photo being a keeper.

Then, the water came and washed at their feet, covering the drawings that disappeared as the waves pulled back. They watched it together, and then Rin turned, beginning to walk away. Haruka followed after him.

“See? Aren’t you glad I took that photo? It’s preserved in history forever now.”

“I guess,” he mumbled, not letting on that he was actually a bit glad. Rin didn’t need to know that.

Moving a bit of a ways from that spot, Haruka eventually stopped and knitted his brows together. They had gotten distracted, and they didn’t have the time for that. They had a mission, and neither were carrying on with it.

Thinking that, he kneeled down again, his knees beginning to ache. Digging his fingers through the sand as he had done before, he heard Rin coo again, looking up to find him admiring another crab that waddled past him. Staring, Haruka sighed.

“Your old age is ruining your attention span--”

“Hey,” Rin muttered, “Who are you to talk about old age?”

“Someone who’s actually searching.”

Rin flushed and glanced away, rubbing the back of his neck before moving to start helping him. “I can’t help it,” he admitted. “It was a long time ago, and I don’t even know how to properly search for sea glass, you know? I don’t think we’ll find any--”

“Then coming here would have been useless.”

“You’re wrong.”

Looking up from the dent he had made in the sand, Haruka tilted his head, waiting for Rin to explain. Rin only made eye contact with him for a few short moments before he looked away again, his cheeks dusted in a light pink color.

“You’re wrong,” he repeated. “Even if we don’t find anything, it’s fine. Being here with you was the most important part.”

Haruka’s heart fluttered, eyes widening as he stared at Rin. He didn’t know what to say in return, but… Rin was acting very cute.

Leaning back, he pulled his hands out of the sand and pursed his lips, voice soft as he continued. “We made a lot of memories when we were kids here, but those times have passed. There were a lot of years I wasn’t able to spend with you, and I know I’ll never be able to make them all up, but I can try. That’s why I wanted to make new memories here… With the current you. A lot has changed, and it’s kind of sad. But life goes on, we grow, we become different people. The memories I already had with you are precious to me, and these will be, too.”

He paused, finally meeting Haruka’s eyes. 

“That was my goal all along-- The sea glass was just an added perk. So if we don’t find any, it won’t be useless. At least, not to me.”

Haruka still couldn’t find the right words, and he was completely still, his mouth dry. The longer he stared, the redder Rin became. Looking away with a heavy blush, Rin shrugged his shoulders and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Haruka said, quiet. Lips drawn into a thin line, he parted them, speaking without really thinking, which was easy with Rin. “Sorry. I hadn’t realized. I think the same thing, too. It’s weird, being here with you now, but I’m… Happy.”

It was all he could muster up, but it was the truth. He supposed he had been so focused on one thing that he had just… Forgotten. He said no more and went back to vigorously digging, not sure if he was warm from the sun that peeked through the murky clouds, or embarrassment. It didn’t really matter, either.

For a moment, the sun disappeared, but it was back again within moments. Neither spoke for a bit, but as the area around them began to brighten, Haruka felt a light smile curl onto his lips as he looked up.

Then, Rin hummed, stretching as the rays hit him. “Ahh… It’s warm…” The conversation had completely changed, and Haruka felt that he was glad for that.

“Mmhm…” He nodded his agreement. Not watching the sky for too long, Haruka looked back down into the hole, squinting when he felt the pad of his finger brush against something that jutted out from the sand. Brushing the grains away, he picked up the small, smooth object. “Oh.”

“Hm?”

“Rin, open your mouth.”

“Excuse me?” He looked over to Haruka with a brow quirked up, and Haruka insisted again. He hesitated, looking totally unsure, but then he slowly parted his lips before opening his mouth up wide.

Haruka smiled, then held up the small object, a shark tooth. He narrowed his eyes as he compared it next to one of Rin’s teeth, finding that they were almost exactly the same. When Rin caught on to what was happening, he snapped his mouth shut and jumped forward, snatching the tooth away.

“You have something to say?! You look like you have something to say! I dare you!”

Haruka was caught off-guard at first, but then he snorted. “You came from the ocean--”

“I came from my mother!”

Rin’s cheeks had flared up, his brows furrowed as he glared at Haruka. He was practically fuming, and the snorts Haruka tried to hold in eventually dissolved into actual laughter, the sound pealing through the air around them. He looked away from Rin and covered his mouth, his shoulders shaking. If he watched him any longer, he wouldn’t be able to stop.

Still, the laughs and giggles slipped through his fingers, and he was actually worried that Rin might hit him if he kept it up. Rin did nothing, though, and when Haruka finally looked, he pursed his lips to suppress another laugh.

All Rin did was stare at him, eyes wide and lips parted, his cheeks not as red as before, but the blush still lingering. He looked dumbfounded. Wiping the tears that stung the corners of his eyes, Haruka tilted his head to the side with a smile.

“What is it?”

“Haru…” Rin began to move closer to him, and Haruka nearly backed away, but stayed still when Rin’s hands were on his shoulders seconds later. Meeting his gaze, Haruka’s smile disappeared.

“What--”

“What was that?” Rin interrupted, a smile of his own appearing as his arms slid around Haruka’s neck. He pushed him down onto the sand with a giddy laugh. “Seriously, what was that? Wasn’t that way too cute for you? You’ve never laughed like that before!”

He let out an _“oof!”_ when his back hit the ground, his eyes squeezing closed as he pushed his palms against Rin’s stomach. He was too heavy to just be laying on him like this, but somehow, Haruka didn’t mind. 

“I can laugh, too,” he muttered against Rin’s shoulder, squirming underneath him as he tried to get comfortable. “You’re heavy.”

Rin ignored the offhand comment. “I know you can laugh, but…” He giggled in Haruka’s ear, and with the sound being close enough to where he could feel Rin’s breath tickle his skin, Haruka tensed, his cheeks feeling warm..

“But what--”

“I didn’t think you would look so pretty when you did.” Lifting himself up by a bit, Rin stared down at him with a dopey grin. His hair dangled, the strand tickling Haruka’s face. “Or sound so pretty, either. Haru, you’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?”

Pouting at the comment, Haruka tried to look away, but his eyes still wandered right back to Rin’s. His face was covered in shadows, the sunlight streaming down onto him and creating a backlight, and he looked… Amazing. Haruka didn’t think himself to be someone pretty, but Rin was an entirely different story.

“I’m not,” he said, voice quiet. “You’re more surprising than I am--”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He turned his head to look straight at Rin again, and he held his gaze, his smile resurfacing. “I’m not the one who hugs people for no reason, other than them being… Cute.”

At that, Rin flushed and laughed softly. “Ah… Well, uh, I couldn’t help myself. You were just seriously…”

“Don’t call me cute.”

“But you are,” he countered, brushing his fingers against Haruka’s cheek with a toothy grin. Haruka leaned into the touch with an exasperated sigh, though he felt more flattered and happy than anything.

“Rin,” he murmured, “This would look indecent to anyone passing by.”

“Hm?” 

To make a point, he curled his fingers into the fabric of Rin’s tank top, giving a small tug on the garment with a brow quirked up. “This?” He thought it was kind of obvious. Being all over each other in public was a bit shameless--

Actually, way too shameless. His cheeks heated up again, and he looked away as it only really began to sink in. What the hell were they doing? Haruka had even made a point to not do these sorts of things-- He wanted to avoid weird thoughts about Rin at all costs, because he couldn’t lose their friendship. But there he was, enjoying how Rin’s body was pressed down on top of his own, enjoying the warmth that radiated from Rin’s skin onto his...

His heart hammered, and he only took a single peek at Rin. He was watching closely, his eyes half-lidded, his smile gone, and Haruka didn’t know if he wanted to pull him closer or push him away. There was really nothing he _could_ do in that situation, and he was once again trapped by Rin.

Then, Rin shifted, sitting back with his hands folded in his lap. The weight off his chest relieved Haruka, but his heart fell as he sat up. Rin didn’t look at him, so he didn’t look either, instead pulling his knees up to his chest with his shoulders sagging. He had no idea what to do or say, but Rin spoke first.

“Sorry,” he murmured. “I keep… To you, I… I’m sorry, seriously. I get caught up-- I need to learn to hold back. Not everyone is like me. I get it.”

Haruka drew in a short breath, lifting his head when Rin stood again, and before he could say anything, Rin was smiling down at him. Just like he always did… It was _always_ the same thing, and it pissed Haruka off more than he could say.

“Rin--”

“Hey, we have things to do, right? Let’s get to it, especially since you’re the one who was hounding me about searching.” He turned on his heel, grabbing his bag and shoes as he walked further down the beach. He only glanced back once. “C’mon, Haru! Don’t fall behind now!”

Staring after him, Haruka’s lips drew into a thin line, and he took his time in getting up. His heart still raced, his head still felt dizzy, and he hated it. He didn’t know what to make of _anything_ \-- Being put in this position was stressful, especially when he didn’t know how Rin was actually feeling, or what he really wanted, either.

But, just as _he_ always did, he said nothing, despite how badly he wanted to tell Rin stop putting words in his mouth. Instead, he obediently followed, not attempting to catch up. It was better to focus on the task at hand and not get distracted by things that were apparently useless.

As they moved further down the shoreline, his hopes had been dashed. With his eyes on the ground, he didn’t notice that Rin had stopped to wait for him, and they bumped shoulders after a few moments.

“You look scary,” Rin commented with a snort. “So determined… It’s like you’re glaring.”

Technically, he was. “I’m just looking for some sign of… Anything.”

“Yeah, I know.” Kicking a bit of sand away from them, Rin sighed, though he still smiled. “But remember, the sea glass isn’t a priority.”

Shrugging, Haruka kneeled down, not looking up as Rin stepped away from. He wasn’t sure how many holes he had left in the sand that day, but he figured if this one didn’t amount to anything, none of them would. They’d give up and go back to Makoto’s apartment, and that was that. End of story.

Brushing aside a few grains, he pursed his lips and pulled out another shark tooth, holding it up to the sun. It was dull and rough, and he was about to say something to Rin about it, wanting to get the rest of his teasing for the day in, but he cut himself short when he saw something glint out of the corner of his eye.

At first, he thought nothing of it, because it was gone as soon as it had come. Then, another ray of sunlight beamed down onto the ground, and there it was again, catching his full attention. Looking at the spot where he had seen it, he pocketed the shark tooth and began to crawl over, hoping the sun would guide him once again.

It did, and that was the last time, but it had been just enough. Another shining spot was there for a split second, and Haruka had enough time to find it before it disappeared. Staring at the spot with his chest squeezing, he easily saw how a smooth, light green object poked out from the sand. Scooping it up into his palm, his lips stretched out in a broad smile.

Smoothing his thumb over the dull surface, he looked up. “Rin!”

“Hmm?” Rin turned to him with a brow raised, and when he saw Haruka’s smile, he couldn’t help but smile in return. “What’s up?”

“Rin--” Haruka stood, leaving a mark in the sand with his foot before running over to the other. “Rin, it’s--”

“No way,” Rin cut him off, staring down at what Haruka’s palm cradled. “No way, you found one?” As he got a closer look, his eyes immediately lit up, and he took the stone from Haruka. “You found one! Haru! So that means… There has to be more close to it, right? Let’s check!”

He handed the sea glass back to Haruka before following him to the spot he had found it in. Both got down on their knees in different spots, immediately taking to digging. Just a few new holes later, Rin let out a peal of laughter, holding up a blue piece of sea glass for Haruka to see.

Haruka felt as light as a feather at the sight, and before too long passed, they were scouring the shore for more of the stones, they left small holes in their wake as they filled up the bags they carried with them. Haruka thought them to be much more convenient than the shirt pouches they had made when they were kids.

“They’re so pretty…” As they gathered the stones, Rin made constant comments about how beautiful they were, and each time he said something, Haruka would look up from his spot just to see Rin’s shining expression. The smile he wore was brighter than the sun itself. Haruka’s heart would flutter, and his chest would tighten, but he didn’t mind that feeling whatsoever. Seeing Rin happy was one of the most wonderful things he could ask for.

In their distracted elation, both failed to notice as the sky grew darker, the already grey clouds gathering close together as more rolled in. Instead, they were too focused on how their bags became heavier the more they walked. The waves washed up against their ankles, making Rin jump away with a yelp before he complained about how cold the water was. Haruka stood strong against it, though Rin noticed how he shivered as well.

“You don’t have to pretend to look cool--”

“I’m not pretending.”

“You so are.”

It was when the third drop of rain Haruka had felt that day landed on the top of his head that he turned to Rin with a heavy heart, it serving to remind him of the forecast they saw earlier that morning. It seemed Rin had noticed as well, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked at the sky above.

“Too bad--” He flinched when a drop landed near his eye, and he jumped back to rub it with a groan. “...I wanted to stay longer.”

“...Me too.” Haruka would admit to that, and as much as he enjoyed water and everything it provided, being stuck out in the rain wasn’t as appealing as going back to Makoto’s apartment to just sit around with a warm mug in his hand. “Let’s head back. We got enough for today, right?”

“Mm, yeah, I’ll say. We can come again tomorrow, so…” Peeking inside the plastic bag, Rin beamed, turning that smile to Haruka and making his heart flutter. “Haru, this was fun. Thank you.”

Haruka ducked his head, nodding before he walked ahead. Rin huffed before he began to follow him. In the silence between them, Haruka heard the occasional roll of thunder, and the air around them had grown humid as the winds began to pick up. The sunlight had disappeared completely behind the grey clouds, the world around them becoming a softer hue covered in shadows.

For most of the walk back, Rin stayed by his side, but his steps eventually slowed until finally, he stood still. Haruka turned to him to protest, ready to say that he wanted to get back as fast as possible, but the words died on his lips.

The sight was a familiar one. The winds played at Rin’s hair, gently whipping the strands. His expression was solemn, just as it had been earlier that day, his eyes half-lidded and lips pursed. A few minutes before, he had been acting completely different. He had been smiling and laughing, and it was obvious that something was now on his mind. Haruka couldn’t pinpoint what, and he wasn’t sure if asking was a good idea.

He didn’t have to think on it long, though, as Rin began to speak. “The last time we were here together… It had been kind of like this, right?”

Haruka couldn’t remember too well, but he did recall dark clouds and a rolling thunderstorm. He wasn’t sure what Rin was getting at. “...Yes.”

“That’s what I thought. It’s nostalgic.” Breathing out a soft sigh, Rin tucked a piece of hair behind his ear before he looked to his feet, watching the waves lap at his ankles. Then, his attention was on the ocean again. The way he spoke was too quiet, not normal. “You know… The last time we were here, that was also the day my dad died.”

Haruka’s heart skipped a beat, and he looked up, the grip he had on his bag tightening. Rin was right, and Haruka hated himself for letting something so important slip his mind. How could he have ever forgotten?

...Especially when it had been on Rin’s mind the entire day. Maybe not at first, but… It was becoming clearer now. Saying how he didn’t want to return to a certain part of the beach, how Tamura had asked how his mother was, how he had grown quiet when they passed the fishing docks… Haruka didn’t know how he hadn’t put one and one together.

Lips drawn into a thin line, Haruka looked to his feet, his heart aching with shame and guilt. He wasn’t sure what to do or say, but his curiosity got the better of him. “Rin.”

“Hm?”

He hesitated at first, the words he wanted to say lingering on his lips before he worked up the courage to speak again. “You… You don’t talk about your dad a lot.”

As he said that, Rin turned his gaze to Haruka, his eyes wide. Haruka had to wonder, was it really that much of a surprise? Before, he hadn’t noticed, but it was true. In all the time they had been together again, Rin had only mentioned his father a handful of times, if that. It was odd, especially when Haruka remembered just how much Rin could go on about the man, about how much he had absolutely adored him.

Rin’s lips moved, but no words left them. His brows then knitted together, and he laughed, soft and almost bitter. “I guess I don’t, do I?” He paused, meeting Haruka’s eyes with a sorrowful smile. “If I’m being honest, I really don’t have a lot to say. I hardly even remember him.”

Haruka felt that he should have been shocked, but he wasn’t. Rather, no matter how awful it was, he thought it to be something normal. Rin had been young-- Too young to endure such a hellish pain. Haruka couldn’t even begin to imagine it.

“But… I remember that night really well.” Rin paused, rubbing the back of his neck as he put his bag and his plastic sack of sea glass down. He breathed out, and Haruka waited for him to speak again, giving Rin his full attention. Rin noticed and turned away, grimacing. “I don’t want to bore you.”

“You won’t.”

Rin seemed surprised at the firm answer, and his fingers twitched on his neck. “...Fine, then.” He hummed, trying to find a good place to start. He then began, having to raise his voice ever so slightly as the thunder rumbled overhead. “It was still raining when we got home. We were soaked, so Gou and I took a bath, Mom made dinner for us… It was normal, but the entire time, she was staring out the window at the rain. I remember she looked troubled. I didn’t want to say anything.

“Then, Gou and I spent a while admiring the sea glass you gave me. Mom sent us to bed right after, but a few hours later, I woke up because I heard her scream. It had woken Gou up, too, and we were freaked out, but we ran to her without even thinking about it… She was standing at our front door, and there were policemen in rain coats. Gou held my hand really tightly, enough to hurt, but I didn’t make her let go.

“When Mom realized that we were there too, she held us both really close. She told us that Dad wasn’t coming home. Gou didn’t understand. She was too young to. She just didn’t like how that sounded, so she started crying as well.”

He stopped and lowered his head. Haruka didn’t push him to continue, and soon enough, he started again. When he did, a few more drops of rain followed his words.

“It’s awful, and you’ll probably think I’m cruel when I say this, but… I’ve never cried over his death. Not once.”

His words made Haruka’s stomach twist. Staring at him with wide eyes, he tried to process it, but couldn’t. He just couldn’t imagine Rin not crying over something so… So _horrible_. The Rin he knew would weep like a child at even the happiest of movies, but to not cry over his own father’s death? He just couldn’t understand.

“...Why not?” He was gentle when he asked. The last thing he wanted was to stir up any troubling emotions in Rin, but his need to know was too great.

Rin didn’t seem to mind, though, answering with ease. He must have given it a lot of thought before. “I guess I just didn’t want to be a burden. Mom cried enough for all three of us. She didn’t need to take care of a sniveling little kid on top of her grief. I knew that since Dad was gone, I had to be the one who was strong in our family. I had to be strong and brave for Mom and Gou.”

He paused to laugh, shaking his head. “That isn’t giving Mom nearly enough credit, though. Even if I wasn’t crying over Dad, I was still a brat who cried over a glass of spilt milk. Mom was always having to wipe my tears and kiss my wounds and tuck me in. I was sort of pathetic.”

“That’s normal for a child.”

“You think?” Rin shrugged. “I guess so. But, you know, there _were_ times when I wanted to cry about Dad. I wanted to cry because I missed him, and I wanted to cry because I was forgetting about him. It’s a really awful feeling, not being able to remember your father’s face without the help of a photograph.”

Haruka couldn’t come close to relating. He knew he was lucky; while Rin was facing the trials of youth without his father there to comfort him, Haruka had his and was only able to push the man away countless times, not wanting any pity or sympathy. Still, he had constantly relied on him, while Rin only gave himself the option to handle things alone.

Rin was strong.

The drops of rain had become more frequent, and the thunder grew louder. A flash of lightning lit up the area for a split second before everything was dim once again. It was best that they didn’t stay outside much longer. Haruka was ready to leave, escape to safety--

Or maybe, he just didn’t want to be reminded of how pathetic he was compared to Rin.

“We need to go--”

“For a long time, I didn’t come to the ocean. I hated it. I hated everything about it. I was angry that it stole Dad away from us. But I realized later that it wasn’t the ocean’s fault.”

Stepping further into the water, Rin gritted his teeth, his brows knitting together. His lips trembled, and the hands that hung loosely at his side did as well. The drops were larger now, and were beginning to fall at faster speeds. The winds whipped at their faces, but Rin seemed unaffected by it.

“I told you that I tried talking to him before. Whether I was alone, or if we were at his grave… I tried, but I felt like it never worked. He wasn’t listening. They never found his body. What’s left of him is somewhere out there, under the water.”

“Rin--”

Another flash of lightning, another boom of thunder. They needed to go. Staying there was dangerous. _This_ was dangerous.

“ _Rin_ , we need to go.”

“I haven’t talked to you in ages, Dad.” 

Haruka stopped himself, throat dry. Any sound surrounding them disappeared into white noise, and all he heard was Rin’s voice. In that moment, nothing else mattered. Not the storm, not their safety-- Only Rin. Only Rin and what he had to say. Haruka wanted to know.

So he stayed quiet, still, listened as Rin continued, raising his voice over the howling winds.

“Dad… You’re seriously awful, you know? What were you thinking-- Mom _told_ you that it was going to get bad that night. I remember well-- She _begged_ you not to go out! Why didn’t you just come with us that day? I had been so excited! Why didn’t you just _listen?_ ”

Rin’s fingers curled up into fists, and Haruka could see where his nails bit into his skin. He stumbled as a larger wave knocked at his ankles, but he kept moving forward through the water, going in until he was waist deep. His breathing had become heavy; Haruka didn’t know what to think, or how to feel.

This side of Rin was one he hadn’t seen before. He had grown used to his smiling, to his crying, to his frustration, to his fearfulness, but not his anger. It was intense, it was new, and it was terrifying.

But this was still Rin, and Haruka wanted to know everything. He wanted to embrace everything about Rin, the good the bad… Because no matter what, he...

...He what…? 

“Do you know how fucking _hard_ it was?!” Rin yelled out his words now, and his voice cracked, making Haruka flinch. Still, he continued, unaffected. “Do you know how many times I wished you were here?! You could have avoided dying. You could-- You could still be here, but you’re not! And it’s all your fault!”

Thunder drowned his voice out, rendering Haruka unable to catch some of his words. Whatever it was, he had said it with a passion that Haruka knew well. He knew that when Rin did something, he didn’t hold back, he never did. He was incredible, he was strong--

“I’m so tired.” His tone was softer now, and Haruka swore he heard a small laugh leave him, even through all the deafening noise surrounding them. “I’m so tired of having to be alone. I’m tired of having to pretend that I’m okay, just because I don’t want to bother others, the people I love the most. I know they worry about me, and I hate myself for doing that to them.”

Haruka felt that he was looking at a child now. A confused, lonely, broken child who hid behind a stone mask. A child who desperately cared for others without expecting anything in return.

Lifting his hand up to his face, Rin leaned his forehead into his palm, his shoulders shaking. He bit down on his lower lip, hard enough to where it drew a bit of blood. “And you’re so lucky, Dad. It’s easier where you are, right?” He breathed out, gritting his teeth. “There were times where I really resented you. I just wish you were _here_. I wish you had never left.

“It’s unfair. You got to change my entire life without even a second thought. You don’t even know what I’ve been through, right? They told me I am who I am because you weren’t here, and maybe they’re right. I still don’t know. I wish I could, but I never will. And it’s your fault. It’s _all_ your _goddamn_ fault.”

His words stung. Haruka reached up and twisted his fingers into his shirt, already soaked through from the rain that pelted him, but he didn’t care about that. His heart was pounding, but more than anything, it ached. He felt pity for Rin-- Pity, sadness, sympathy.

And he wanted nothing more than to take that pained expression away from him. He couldn’t find the words to say. Perhaps there weren’t any.

“...Rin--”

He stopped when he saw Rin draw in a deep breath, his eyes closing. For a few moments, he held it.

And then, he was screaming. 

It was a scream that made Haruka’s heart stop, and it alone drowned out the roll of thunder that shook the heavens above them. It was a scream that was filled with emotions that Haruka couldn’t even begin to touch. Sorrow, anguish, pain, years worth of pent up feelings that Rin had never dared to let out in front of anyone. And yet--

A flash of lightning blinded him. For just a mere second, everything lit up around them, but it was far longer than any he had seen before. When his gaze focused again, the sight before him stole his breath away.

Rin shone. The sudden light illuminated everything about him. His drenched skin, the strands of hair stuck to his forehead, his cheeks, the nape of his neck. It was as if he were on fire, to the point where Haruka feared that if he touched him, he would be burned by something far hotter than any flame.

And that sent a spark through Haruka’s veins, the blood coursing through him becoming warm with a feeling he couldn’t describe, and an understanding.

He had been right all along. Rin was a strong person, but not strong because he wanted to be. Strong because he felt he _had_ to be. A man who wanted to be a child just once more, a person who didn’t want to carry his lifelong burdens on his shoulders any longer.

A lump formed in Haruka’s throat, and he wasn’t able to tell if the water rolling down his cheeks was the rain or not. It was warm.

He knew he was weak. He knew he could never become someone like Rin, but...

But if he could become someone that could allow Rin to cast his strength aside, become someone who Rin could show his fragile self to, even if it was only for a small moment in time, then...

Surely, that would be enough. 

There wasn’t a moment of hesitation as Haruka moved forward, dropping his bag as he entered the ocean waters that should have chilled him to the bone. He only felt a heat that he hadn’t known for a very long time.

Moments later, his arms were around Rin’s neck, nearly knocking him over with the force he used. Rin’s scream died down at the impact, replaced with slow, heavy breathing. Rin’s heart was pounding, matching the pace of Haruka’s own, and when he spoke, his voice was small, scared.

“...Haru…?”

“Rin.” Haruka’s embrace on him only tightened, and when he pulled away just enough to where they could look into each other’s eyes, he wore a smile as he cupped Rin’s face with one hand. “It’s okay.”

Rin stared back at him, his eyes wide with fear, confusion. “I-I don’t--”

“It’s okay. I won’t let you be alone anymore. I’ll stay by your side-- Forever, if you want me to. I won’t leave you, so just… Please, don’t hold back anymore. Let it all out. _Please_.”

Rin was stiff in his hold, but as he listened to Haruka’s words, he relaxed and practically fell against him. His arms slowly wrapped around Haruka’s waist, pulling him closer as he buried his face into the crook of his neck.

“ _Thank you_.”

Haruka hardly caught what he said, and seconds later, Rin pulled away from him, turning back to the ocean with a new determination in his eyes. He took in another deep breath, and just as before, he was screaming. Haruka watched, listened, his chest tightening.

And soon, he was doing the same, unable to hold himself back. His yell was a weaker one, but it was still powerful, his hands cupping around his mouth as if to make it reacher farther. Letting it all out, everything he himself had kept bottled up, screaming until his throat burned and he had no energy left to continue… It was as if some great weight had been lifted from him.

Then, they were both staggering up onto the shore and falling onto their backs. Haruka ached, but he felt lighter, more so than he had ever felt before.

As they lay there, their chests rising and falling as they tried to catch their breath, they didn’t speak a single word. The rain began to pass until it was just sprinkling, and the winds became gentle, the dark clouds drifting apart until rays of sunlight rained down and kissed their skin.

It was incredible. Haruka felt incredible. Smiling to himself, he managed to sit up and move closer to Rin, shifting until he was hovering over the other with hands on either side of his head. Rin only stared up at him with dazed eyes, slightly parted lips, and Haruka thought he looked stunning.

“Rin,” Haruka started, his voice holding more hope than he had ever heard from himself, “Rin, we’ll come here again. And you can talk to your dad, and you can cry. You can cry all you want. I’ll be there with you.”

Rin’s expression shifted at his words, a look of awe dawning his features. Haruka smiled down at him, and then, Rin was laughing, lifting one arm to cover his eyes. The laugh wasn’t a normal one of his. It was airy, exhausted, but it was filled with something else. It felt… _Free_.

“You’re really… Haru, you’re really something else--” His voice broke, and his smile disappeared as he bit down on his lower lip. He began to tremble, and when he moved his arm away, Haruka easily saw the tears that rimmed his eyes and stuck to his lashes. He drew in a sharp breath, and a small sob right after that.

“Rin--”

“Haru… Is it okay if I feel like crying right now…?”

Haruka said nothing in return, simply allowing Rin’s arms to wrap around his neck and pull him down closer. He returned the embrace, his arms circling Rin’s sides and clutching him tightly. They held each other like that for longer than he could remember, and he listened without a word. Rin’s whimpers, his cries, his trembling body, brought tears to his eyes as well. He let them fall freely, a content smile gracing his lips.

The beaches of Iwatobi were something sacred for the both of them. A place where they could be themselves, in the presence of only one another.

A place where their fragile beings could come apart, even if just for a single day.

\--

The walk back to Makoto’s apartment was a quiet one, Haruka holding Rin’s hand in his own, refusing to let go even when Rin said he didn’t have to. Instead, his grip tightened, and he felt Rin’s hold do the same. It brought a smile to his lips.

When they made it back, a severely worried Makoto greeted them, wearing a frown at how their wet clothes clung to their skin. Both trembled, and Rin’s eyes were puffy and red from all the sobbing he had done, but Makoto didn’t ask them a single question.

Instead, he simply ushered them inside and made them both take a warm bath. As apology for making him fret so much, Haruka helped with dinner, and after a quiet meal, Rin passed out, curled up in his futon. He looked vulnerable when he was asleep, but at least it was peaceful, and he probably really needed it.

“Haru, is everything alright?”

Makoto’s question caught Haruka off-guard, and he curled his fingers around his mug of hot coffee, staring down into the liquid as it swirled. Really, he couldn’t exactly say it, but he felt that everything was much better than just alright.

“Fine. Why do you ask?”

“Well, it’s just…” Makoto paused, scratching his cheek. “I mean, you two willingly stayed out in that storm… That’s not… Really like either of you. You’re more of the types to come home immediately, so… Did something happen?”

“...I suppose so.”

Haruka didn’t want to be vague with Makoto-- Actually, he would have liked to have told him everything, but it was hard to say anything when he hadn’t even quite grasped what was going on himself. He was thankful when Makoto didn’t press him any further.

“Rin was really worn out,” Makoto murmured, looking to where his friend slept soundly. “You know, I was shocked when he said you were coming with him to Iwatobi. It was always so hard to get you to even go out for drinks--”

“That’s because Kisumi was there.”

“Of course.” Laughing at the firm response, Makoto shook his head, then lifted his gaze to Haruka. Their eyes met, and for a few beats, all they did was stare at one another. Haruka didn’t say anything, knowing that Makoto would speak first. “...You seem different since I left.”

Makoto was absolutely right about that. Haruka _knew_ that he was different, and he knew the reason, too. Glancing down, he hummed. “A lot has happened.”

“I could tell.” Makoto stopped there for a couple of minutes, not saying anything else, instead focusing on the TV. Haruka knew he wasn’t done, of course, but Makoto’s next words still surprised him. “Even with all the years we’ve been together, I’ve never… I’ve never seen you look this upbeat, Haru.”

“...Upbeat?”

Smiling, Makoto shrugged. “Maybe not so much upbeat, but… Confident? Relaxed, I guess? You’ve always been so indifferent to everything-- Or, that’s what others would say, but there’s always been something bothering you. I could tell-- I just didn’t know what to say. I’m sorry for that, but the you right now is different.” His smile grew as he leaned in closer to Haruka. “Was it something good that happened?”

Silent, Haruka let Makoto’s words sink in, and then he snorted as his chest warmed. So it wasn’t just Rin who had thought that… A second vote of confidence was reassuring. “I’ll tell you when that something good is set in stone.”

“Aww, Haru, I want to know right now. Don’t keep me in the dark~.”

Shaking his head, Haruka ignored Makoto’s protests, smiling when his friend began to laugh. Another short silence followed, and then Makoto reached forward, taking Haruka’s wrist into his hand and gently squeezing. His large hand was warm, familiar, and it settled Haruka.

“Haru, I’m glad,” he said, his voice tender. “Whatever it is that’s made you like this… I hope everything keeps going well for you.”

“...Thank you, Makoto.” 

They shared a smile, and then Makoto stood to go grab a cup of coffee for himself, leaving Haruka in the room with the lightly snoring Rin. His gaze drifted over to him, and without thinking for once in his life, he reached forward and brushed a few strands of hair away from the man’s eyes, his heart fluttering as he laughed.

Yes, everything was fine. It really, truly was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm glad I was able to get an update out faster this time around!  
> This chapter is one that's burdened me for a long time now... In fact, when I first started writing this fic, it's the chapter I first dropped it at! I'm glad I was able to eventually finish it, though I have to admit, I'm still a bit unsure...  
> But I hope you enjoy it! Comments and kudos are always appreciated, and as always, thank you for reading! (As a side note, if you see any missing words or paragraphs (let's hope not!), don't be afraid to point it out!)  
> Big thank you to Mic and Sarah!


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